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Round 5—Day 1—Love is Patient

“Do not say anything negative to your spouse. Should you feel like doing so hold your tongue."

 

I prayed quite a bit yesterday on doing another round with journaling. I got strong yeses each time, so here I go. I did not sleep too well. The conversations from yesterday kept rolling through my mind throughout the night hoping I didn’t disappoint Him. Praying for His armor as my faith is being challenged by the man I love on a daily basis. Today was no different and patience was certainly tested.

 

When he woke up we laid there for a little bit. He had his arms around me, which surprised me based on how last night ended. I expressed to him again how much I really did appreciate all he did while I was gone. This led him into questioning if we were meant for each other as he was pulling stuff up from the past about me. I affirmed I am not that person, but I am still human and will continue to make mistakes. He didn’t say much in response.

 

We got coffee and went grocery shopping. I really treasure these moments together especially as his 180 degree turns continue.

 

When we were walking out of Walmart I wanted to check the RedBox to see if they had this certain movie that just came out. I told my husband I would meet him at the car. He said he didn’t mind waiting. They ended up not having it, so we left. He asked me what movie it was. I told him it was one he probably hasn’t heard of. So he responded, “Oh, you mean a church movie.” I said,"A Christian movie.” He dropped the conversation there. Ironically the movie is called “Turning Back” based on the infamous Bible parable, “The Prodigal Son” – one that speaks to our journey in every way.

 

As we were pulling into the neighborhood I asked if he would stop by the mailbox so we could grab the mail. I usually will do this on my own, but figured since we were on our way in, we’d grab it now. There were three pieces of mail, one being an envelope from Rejoice Marriage Ministries (where I got those books about the prodigal coming home). My husband saw the envelope and said, “Here we go again—another way for you to try and change me. What are you – sending me subliminal messages?” I was like, “Are you kidding me?” He just laughed it off.

 

We unloaded the groceries. He took some time to play with the dog then started his afternoon/evening of playing video games. I cleaned the rest of the house and decided I was going to go to church tonight. I asked my husband if it was okay since he had planned to play his games. He said it was totally fine. As I was getting ready to leave we chatted for a little bit in the garage. I got on the topic of building some shelves for my holiday décor bins that now sit in one of our spare bedrooms. He said no, they can stay in the bedroom. I said that at some point we are going to have kids and that will be one of their rooms. He proceeded to tell me we aren’t having kids because he doesn’t want them. Oh geeze. I responded, “How can you say you don’t want kids when you brought up yesterday and other times about them not going to a Christian school? I know you are just trying to get a reaction out of me and push my buttons.” He just smiled. I gave him a hug and kiss goodbye and headed to my parents to go to church together.

 

Pastor started his series on, “I Am.” Today’s was “I Am the Good Shepherd.” He talked about great characteristics of Christ being our Shepherd and how we can possess those same characteristics—

 

*More personal than professional

*Don’t drive, but lead

*Delicate as well as defensive

*Choose self-sacrifice over self-preservation

 

I prayed about being that Good Shepherd for my husband.

 

My final test of patience came this evening. I was online perusing facebook. I regrettably decided to look my husband up to see if he had changed his profile picture for some reason. That is really the only thing I can see since he removed me as his friend and has it set as private. Oddly enough it did show those that posted on his wall for his birthday on the fourth. One of those people was the OW. My heart dropped. It appears they are now friends on facebook again. Appears is the keyword. I know this is just a fragment and satan will use it as part of his plan for destruction. It hurts because he told me a week ago he was not talking to her or seeing her (except what he has to at work) after admitting the way he had been acting could make me think that. I am doing my best to give it up to Him again. “I must believe in the Word of God and speak to my mountain and it would be thrown into the sea.”

 

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."  Mark 11:22-26