Round 5—Day 1—Love is Patient
“Do not say anything
negative to your spouse. Should you feel like doing so hold your tongue."
prayed quite a bit yesterday on doing another round with journaling. I got
strong yeses each time, so here I go. I did not sleep too well. The conversations
from yesterday kept rolling through my mind throughout the night hoping I didn’t
disappoint Him. Praying for His armor as my faith is being challenged by the
man I love on a daily basis. Today was no different and patience was certainly
he woke up we laid there for a little bit. He had his arms around me, which
surprised me based on how last night ended. I expressed to him again how much I
really did appreciate all he did while I was gone. This led him into
questioning if we were meant for each other as he was pulling stuff up from the
past about me. I affirmed I am not that person, but I am still human and will
continue to make mistakes. He didn’t say much in response.
We got coffee and went grocery shopping. I really treasure these moments together
especially as his 180 degree turns continue.
we were walking out of Walmart I wanted to check the RedBox to see if they had
this certain movie that just came out. I told my husband I would meet him at
the car. He said he didn’t mind waiting. They ended up not having it, so we left. He asked me what movie it was. I told him it was one
he probably hasn’t heard of. So he responded, “Oh, you mean a church movie.” I
said,"A Christian movie.” He dropped the conversation there. Ironically
the movie is called “Turning Back” based on the infamous Bible parable, “The
Prodigal Son” – one that speaks to our journey in every way.
we were pulling into the neighborhood I asked if he would stop by the mailbox
so we could grab the mail. I usually will do this on my own, but figured since
we were on our way in, we’d grab it now. There were three pieces of mail, one
being an envelope from Rejoice Marriage Ministries (where I got those books
about the prodigal coming home). My husband saw the envelope and said, “Here we
go again—another way for you to try and change me. What are you – sending me
subliminal messages?” I was like, “Are you kidding me?” He just laughed it off.
unloaded the groceries. He took some time to play with the dog then started his
afternoon/evening of playing video games. I cleaned the rest of the house and
decided I was going to go to church tonight. I asked my husband if it was okay
since he had planned to play his games. He said it was totally fine. As I was
getting ready to leave we chatted for a little bit in the garage. I got on the
topic of building some shelves for my holiday décor bins that now sit in one of
our spare bedrooms. He said no, they can stay in the bedroom. I said that at
some point we are going to have kids and that will be one of their rooms. He
proceeded to tell me we aren’t having kids because he doesn’t want them. Oh
geeze. I responded, “How can you say you don’t want kids when you brought up
yesterday and other times about them not going to a Christian school? I know
you are just trying to get a reaction out of me and push my buttons.” He just
smiled. I gave him a hug and kiss goodbye and headed to my parents to go to
started his series on, “I Am.” Today’s was “I Am the Good Shepherd.” He talked
about great characteristics of Christ being our Shepherd and how we can possess
those same characteristics—
personal than professional
drive, but lead
as well as defensive
self-sacrifice over self-preservation
prayed about being that Good Shepherd for my husband.
final test of patience came this evening. I was online perusing facebook. I
regrettably decided to look my husband up to see if he had changed his profile
picture for some reason. That is really the only thing I can see since he
removed me as his friend and has it set as private. Oddly enough it did show
those that posted on his wall for his birthday on the fourth. One of those
people was the OW. My heart dropped. It appears they are now friends on
facebook again. Appears is the keyword. I know this is just a fragment and
satan will use it as part of his plan for destruction. It hurts because he told
me a week ago he was not talking to her or seeing her (except what he has to at
work) after admitting the way he had been acting could make me think that. I am doing my best to give it up to Him again.
“I must believe in the Word of God and speak to my mountain and it would be
thrown into the sea.”
"Have faith in God," Jesus
answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go,
throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that
what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you,
whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will
be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone,
forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your
you are really couragous. God is doing so much in our life and His love and kindness is what will carry you once more on this round as well.
I know the roller coaster ride you are talking about. I am on one that drives me crazy at best. I am not sure if being pregnant and raging hormones are adding to me feeling supper sensitive to everything thing.
I just talk to my soul to keep my focus on God and HIs promises and to reflext on how far He has brought me cause at this stage i cannot trust myself or my hormones in anything i think feel or see.
Thanks for posting Mark 11:22-26. it was just what i needed to remind myself. To let go of the hurt and pain cuase recently my mind has just been bombarded by the thoughts of what has happened and some feelings of bitterness and unforgiveness still try to catch a rid in my heart at times but it is a burden I have to lay at His feet daily.
My dear be blessed, and continue to stand till death do you part.
You are getting stronger each day. You are trusting Christ more each day.l. As I have said many times He is preparing you... Your testimony will shine to your husband, believe it, because Christ is working non stop right now in your marriage, and your husband cannot continue to avoid it.
This is the growth in example: you played with, lightened, joked about hubby's comments instead of reacting in pain, disappointment, or screaming silence.
Nothing lets a hubby know all he is gonna miss more than lightness and laughter.
Dont show them exactly what they wish to escape, but all they will miss. Love ya, Gem.
I am glad to see you decided to keep writing. You are an inspiration. I am a very spiritual person but I am far from being the model Catholic. I am a quietly spiritual person and believe my relationship with God is private. Throughout my military career I was a Catholic Lay Leader for my unit. From time to time I would get some questionable looks or comments from others because they didn't feel my rank or position didn't align with being a Lay Leader and providing Sunday service. I suppose they expected me to push my beliefs at every available opportunity and I didn't. I honestly believe maintaining your integrity and simply living by example is the best way to communicate with other people who have doubts.
Praise God! You did great! Thanks for the verse at the end. Its a great reminder of what faith needs to look like.