Day 117—Love always Agrees in Prayer
your spouse if you can begin praying together. Use this time to commit your
concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don't forget to thank
Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do
this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.”
It was a very
fitting dare for my day—a lot of opportunities for me to go to Him in
conversation. I say conversation because that is really what it was full of—casual
chat with my Father. I asked Him to show me a door if He wanted me to ask my
husband if we could begin praying together.
Thinking about it makes me nervous because of knowing where my husband
is at with all of this, but I’d do it in a heartbeat if He wanted me to…
Sean made a comment
on Libby’s post, “When your emotions are getting to you it is
Christ showing you something.” Before I left for work it was brought to my
attention perhaps that could apply to what I’ve been feeling lately. On the way
to work He hit me with it hard! I reflected on my struggle with the “comfortableness”
that is taking place right now. Who would have ever thought that “comfortable”
would be a struggle? I went through all I went through and then when
healing/reconciling is taking place, I go right back to thinking about the
tough times I just went through…why? My heart was aching during those times,
but that is when I felt CLOSEST to Him. So what are my recent emotions telling
me? That me not feeling as close to Him when things are comfortable has got to
change. I am the one creating space between me and Him…not my husband. Every
day I am thinking what could happen so I can feel closer to Him. I never
realized how bad this thinking was till now…
Midday I received a call from my husband. He was filled with
anger. Thankfully it was not because of me. It had to do with work. Since he
has yet to learn how to let things go the anger seeps through his words and
then he shuts down. It is hard not to be in his range of fire when he is
unloading his frustrations. I just listen and stay calm. I praise God I do not
feel anger like I used to…like my husband still does.
I saw him for about 10 minutes tonight due to a meeting I
had to attend. I asked him before he left for work how he was feeling. He
responded he was still angry with what was going on at work.
I took a long bath once I got home from the meeting…took the
peaceful time to talk quite a bit with God. What my husband expressed today
really got me thinking. He used my broken marriage to get my attention. In my
brokenness and my marriage’s brokenness, I got my wake up call. I CANNOT do
life without Him. He has got to be my number one focus then my husband/family.
As Sean has said before, He uses what He needs to to get our attention…for all
of us on this journey, it was our spouse. Now what about our spouses? What is
their wake up call? My husband did not go running to Him when our marriage was
in pieces. Instead he fought against it. So is it his job? The one thing he
takes the most pride in. I know it is not my place to answer. I just found it
interesting that the “pouring” is coming from one specific facet of his life.
Although I did not see a door open for me to ask my husband
to pray together, I certainly lifted him up in my prayers.
May You open my husband’s ears to hear Your voice;
may You open his eyes to see Your guidance: and may You open his heart to receive Your wisdom.
May You Give him a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of You, and may the
eyes of his heart be enlightened so that he may know what is the hope of Your calling, what are
the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints and what is the
surpassing greatness of Your power toward us who believe. (Eph. 1:17-19)
I hope God opens a door for you soon!
Comfortable is not enough anymore. Now that you have Christ, you need to have so much more.
Christ chose you for this journey before your husband. Because your testimony is what will show him. Your husband will probably fight it for a while, but remember it is in Chirsts time not ours.
Exactly as Sean has said, his wake up call is YOU!
No matter what happens in your life, you will show Him how Christ is your rock, and you model that same steadfastness towards your husband.
Even if you divorce, even if he loses his job, you guys could be on the edge of a cliff about to fall off and you will be strong in your faith.
I think our husbands are drinkin' from the same water fountain!!!!!! LOL My husband called me and told me how his job is hanging by a thread. I have KNOWN this for quite somet time.My husband is in fear as yours is...but mine, instead of anger, is very, very low. His life, (times tww, if ya catch my drift) is falling down arounf his ears. I think we should put some Kool Aid in their water fountain...or Someone should LOL