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Day 117—Love always Agrees in Prayer

“Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord.  Don't forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing.  Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.”

It was a very fitting dare for my day—a lot of opportunities for me to go to Him in conversation. I say conversation because that is really what it was full of—casual chat with my Father. I asked Him to show me a door if He wanted me to ask my husband if we could begin praying together.  Thinking about it makes me nervous because of knowing where my husband is at with all of this, but I’d do it in a heartbeat if He wanted me to…

Sean made a comment on Libby’s post, “When your emotions are getting to you it is Christ showing you something.” Before I left for work it was brought to my attention perhaps that could apply to what I’ve been feeling lately. On the way to work He hit me with it hard! I reflected on my struggle with the “comfortableness” that is taking place right now. Who would have ever thought that “comfortable” would be a struggle? I went through all I went through and then when healing/reconciling is taking place, I go right back to thinking about the tough times I just went through…why? My heart was aching during those times, but that is when I felt CLOSEST to Him. So what are my recent emotions telling me? That me not feeling as close to Him when things are comfortable has got to change. I am the one creating space between me and Him…not my husband. Every day I am thinking what could happen so I can feel closer to Him. I never realized how bad this thinking was till now…

Midday I received a call from my husband. He was filled with anger. Thankfully it was not because of me. It had to do with work. Since he has yet to learn how to let things go the anger seeps through his words and then he shuts down. It is hard not to be in his range of fire when he is unloading his frustrations. I just listen and stay calm. I praise God I do not feel anger like I used to…like my husband still does.

I saw him for about 10 minutes tonight due to a meeting I had to attend. I asked him before he left for work how he was feeling. He responded he was still angry with what was going on at work.

I took a long bath once I got home from the meeting…took the peaceful time to talk quite a bit with God. What my husband expressed today really got me thinking. He used my broken marriage to get my attention. In my brokenness and my marriage’s brokenness, I got my wake up call. I CANNOT do life without Him. He has got to be my number one focus then my husband/family. As Sean has said before, He uses what He needs to to get our attention…for all of us on this journey, it was our spouse. Now what about our spouses? What is their wake up call? My husband did not go running to Him when our marriage was in pieces. Instead he fought against it. So is it his job? The one thing he takes the most pride in. I know it is not my place to answer. I just found it interesting that the “pouring” is coming from one specific facet of his life.

Although I did not see a door open for me to ask my husband to pray together, I certainly lifted him up in my prayers.

May You open my husband’s ears to hear Your voice; may You open his eyes to see Your guidance: and may You open his heart to receive Your wisdom. May You Give him a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of You, and may the eyes of his heart be enlightened so that he may know what is the hope of Your calling, what are the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints and what is the surpassing greatness of Your power toward us who believe. (Eph. 1:17-19)