Day 99—Love is always Impossible without Christ
“Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.”
I felt much better when I woke up this morning. Thank God for His renewed strength! Did my morning devotions and read the dare. I still do not feel as though any of the dares seemed impossible. As I’ve mentioned before, I did think it would be easier this round, but just as with anything in life there have been challenges. Challenges that remind me that I need to lean on Christ in every way— put all of my trust and faith in Him. In seeking where I stand with Him, I was shown a couple things during my reading of “The Well” this afternoon—
*Jesus is not going to come join our lives. Jesus wants to become our lives. He is going to say, “I want to be Lord of it all. I want to run this thing. But if you insist, I’ll step out of the way and let you run it.” So we are faced with a choice. A choice I must make every day for Him to become my life not just a part of it.
*To reach the point where my first instinct is to do what God wants me to do equates to the kind of personal holiness I desire. After starting this journey, I now believe I have areas of personal holiness where I can say my first thought is, I know exactly what I need to do. In other areas, God is still at work on my instincts. God changes my instincts through His Word so I no longer think with a lost mind and respond in my own resourcefulness. Transformation comes from a renewed mind. A renewed mind means renewed thinking, and Jesus is the one who makes all things new (Revelation 21:5). My new life in Him is committed to soaking in His truth and walking with Him—a lifetime of Him changing my thinking and instincts. I know I am going to blow it from time to time, but even when we’re faithless, God is faithful!
He knows what I need every day and today that is exactly what I needed to hear. Contact was minimal with my husband till very late this evening. We got into a conversation that he started about the mind battles he continues to have about our marriage. He loves me and wants to be with me, but (there is always a but) he is still afraid of things going back to the way they were. I continue to pray for God’s work in him, me, and our marriage. Again, nothing I can do, but doing what I’ve been doing. It is all still in His very capable hands.
When your husband comes to you like that. It is distrust. Which is fine. Because he is still of the flesh and will never understand the walk you are on. However, he has interest in it because he is mentioning that you have changed.
So now here is the tricky part. How can you let him know the only part that can go back to where it was, is his ways. Because you are renewed in Christ. And even through the worst time in your life, you actually have happiness in your heart....
That is a very interesting question posted by Sean...how can you have him understand this? Praying on this.
"but" is a butt ;)
Continue to pray for his mind battles and ask the Holy Spirit to bring clarity to his mind. The confussion he is having is not about you but about himself. He knows things has to change, but exactly what and how is the part his mind cannot figure out. And thats the most important realisation any human being can make. That we cannot do it. We will never change, because of our selfish and sinful nature. THIS is why we need a Saviour. Its is only thru Christ that change can be worked in our lives. We all need Christ. Your husbands spirit is starting to cry out for salvation ans his flesh is fighting it.
Only clarity in the Spirit will open his eyes that what he really want is God. He think its you and the marriage but it is actually God.
The deep consuming hunger and desire we have to be loved and to love, we confused to be the attraction to the one we married. We even thought we will finally be complete the day we make our vows and thats why we experience our dissapointments in marriage as life shattering. But the desire for love and to be loved is just that. it for LOVE. What is love, Who is love. God is LOVE. pouring it out to others is just the testimony of where our true origin is from.
It is discouraging but its is uplifting that for as long as you dont give up, your husband is on his way to finding real love.
Madame J just defined HOPE in her last sentence to you, Gem. The trudge in the drudge....hope. There is never a last bit as I notice you say. HOPE is infinite, just as LOVE is infinite, just as GOD is infinite, because they are ONE.
Sean makes a good point about the only ways that will be the same are my husband's ways because I have changed so much over the past 59 days. God has made me so happy despite my husband leaving. I was so empty and I didn't even realize it until the day my husband left. God has told me to be still, so I have been very still. I am watching my husband self-destruct in every possible way. It is hard to watch. It is even harder not to worry about the kids. But I see God working in my life, even during the difficult times. yesterday my 17 year old dog died. There have been a few deaths since my husband left and this loss really shook me up. I was mad at God yesterday. I spent the evening in prayer and have settled down and I can still see what God is doing in my life. I feel like I am about to break and I am walking a thin line where my faith is the only thing holding me together. The beauty of it is, I can see God's work in me. Other people can see it too and are commenting. It is only a matter of time my husband will see it. Maybe he will be moved to accept God, maybe not. But today, I see God and to me that is all that matters.