My name is Jay, as it says in my profile. I won’t go into to many details about my past but I will say that the current relationship in my life is the one I want to be the last. When I say that I mean I want to commit my life to this woman. I am 40 so I am not young and have seen much in this world. I would identify as a born again (And again and again) Christian lol. I am serious about Jesus but at the same time I sin like the rest of us.

 

This past year I met someone who we will call CQ for now. She is amazing her hugs are like heaven and her passion is equal to that. She has a checkered past including lots of abuse by a former husband and also several sexual assaults. Again this probably contributes to her anger issues. I won’t lie and say that since august of 2018 we have been together. It’s been a very rocky relationship and we both need work.

In April of this year she acted out violently against me and it was the last time, the police threw her in jail for the crime. She stayed in jail while I left the country. She eventually bailed out and I refused to press charges. She is a strong catholic who has lost her way but really wants her faith to be strong. She loves god and her 3 children.

I currently live in another country and we are far away from each other. After all the charges were dropped we started talking again (Actually before that secretly, even a piece of paper could not keep us apart) and it has been touch and go. I think she suffers from abandonment issues as well.

The love dare comes into this as I gave it to her as a gift in January (before all this happened) And when I fled the day of the violence the love dare along with a bunch of photos of us, was something I took with me. We have longed all this time to find the “peace in the love” something I know can be done.

Fast forward to me living far away and starting a new life here. I have a girl that really loves me, a chance for a new job, and friends and family who really care for me here, even if it is in another language.

Recently the man she has been staying with , as well as her kids, started to have feelings for her, when she rejected him for my love ( I know this is very strange) he has now threatened to evict her from the lease they signed. On June 1st she will be homeless with no place to go, no money, no job and no hope. She will be homeless with three kids because this man who was her savior turned into the devil.

I offered to give up my life I am starting here, and she refused my help. I am now making plans to go back there to help her anyway, unbeknownst to her. It is my hope and faith that she will not reject my help. She told me several times we should just “let each other go and if we come back together that would be amazing”. The issue is we keep talking (Although tonight was the first time in three nights) and tonight she sent me a photo of her and all I saw was a broken and scared young woman. Please understand I do not want to be her “savior” I want to be her partner. If she is not willing to put in the work to change her life with my help, then I must leave again.

Enter the other night. We had previously watched “courageous” together, but me being alone here I decided to finally watch fireproof in my hotel. I cannot tell you how hard I cried (yes I admit it) when Katherine was standing in the bay of the fire station. I want that so bad, the words she said to Kaleb, the feelings they had. I want all that. Like the lyrics say in the song “love is not a fight, but it’s something worth fighting for”. So now you know my story (Sort of) and I am starting the love dare today. The issue is with limited communication and such a long distance between us I wonder if it can be successful. Please keep in mind I have held MANY long distance relationships in my past, and I am a master at logistics.

I guess my question to all of you is, is this the right thing to do? Should I just let her go? I love this woman with all my heart, I believe she is truly sorry for the past, and she would be that Katherine in the future. Together we can fix her faith and we can love like never before, and god willing I can make her my wife someday. I even bought a ring which I almost threw in the lake by my village.

I want this more than anything, I even took the love dare quiz. I know I am not as qualified as a bona fide married couple, but this relationship is broken, and it was not all her. I am committed to this to the end; I will do EVERYTHING I can with the distance as a barrier. BTW I will be in her town on her street (again unbeknownst to her) at great expense in 25 days. I have to fly 3 planes, 5 buses, two boats and an uber. But yeah I am going back.

I do not expect it to be all roses but I am going on my faith that that woman loves me more than ever and even though she won’t show it, I am going anyway.

This was not all her, I own my part in the failure of the relationship. Many times we talked about praying together and going to church, and we always put it off. We led our faith separately and paid a heavy price for that sin.

I want this woman as my wife, I do not want to save her, I want to stand beside her and be there for whatever she needs for the rest of her life. Call it crazy but I love her and always will.

I am starting the Love Dare today but I wonder is it ok to do the dares out of order. Also today when we “messaged” we never talked on the phone, and it was just about how scared she was for the future and how stressed she was, I am not even sure what day that would go under. I didn’t say anything negative but she didn’t give me reason too so I do not feel like day 1 is appropriate.

Any comments and suggestions would be great, I hope someday to come to this forum with a picture of our wedding, and I know it’s a long road but with Jesus by my side, who can defeat me.

Thanks for listening!

J