39 Love endures
is my letter:
I am writing the letter to express my
commitment and resolve to you. It is my desire to express to you how
I came to this point. First, I have to apologize for never being
able to give this to you earlier in our marriage. I am very sincere
and above all humble when asking for your forgiveness. What I never
was able to understand is how do I get beyond myself? How do I place
someone above my own wants, desires and needs and keep them there?
How do I love someone more then myself?
Here is what I have come to believe.
Love is a choice. When you learn to lead your heart instead of
follow it you are making a choice to do so. When that decision is
made, the love that grows is from a higher place. It origin is
heavenly and can endure anything. Learning this had opened my eyes
to how displaced my beliefs in love and marriage were. I choose to
love you no matter what, no matter the outcome between us. Love
endures. My love for you will do the same.
Love may be threatened, challenged or
disrespected yet it still moves forward. This is my commitment to
you. No matter what lies ahead, I will do what is in my earthly
power to ensure that your needs are met. I will place your wants,
desire and needs above my own. I will strive to include you in my
decisions. To have conversations that may mean nothing or could
solve the worlds problems but what matters is that we had them.
Patience, the greatest thing I have
learned. How to wait and listen prior to opening my mouth. This
skill is still being refined but oh what it has done for me.
Kindness, only through being patient was I able to let kindness boil
within me. That the joy of making someones day had so much meaning.
Selfishness, by placing my own needs behind and other's needs above
my own would be liberating. All these things are my desires for you.
To be your biggest fan and cheer just because you are YOU.
choose to love you fully and struggle everyday to be your knight,
your hero and your best friend. I choose to place your needs above
my own. To listen to what you have to say and place value higher
then my own on your opinions. To value you in my life as my wife, my
opposite in this life that brings meaning to things I never
understood. You are my wife the own who balances me and makes the
day, even in the worst of them, better. I resolve that though I have
been so inconsistent in my love for you and my treatment of you in
the past that from this day forward my inconsistencies are over. I
am accepting that you are my special gift from God. One that I will
never waster or take for granted again. Even if you dont like what
you are reading—even if you dont like me—I choose to love you
anyway. Forever. Because love never fails.
He provided me with the opportunity to give her the letter. I read
the dare this morning and thought to myself I am not emailing this to
her. Phone rings, wife wants to coordinate for me to drop her bike
off to her. I tell her that today is my only day as I leave tomorrow
for a 3 day hike. She is apprehensive and says that she does not
like me right now. No problem. I tell her that I have counseling at
1:30 and will have the bike on the trailer with me and if I do not
hear from her by 2:30 I am driving. I took her bike to her. Once
there (4 hour one way trip) I unloaded it and she hopped on and went
for a ride. Came back and said she is going to the grocery store and
can I watch our youngest. Sure no problem hung out with the Newt and
once she cam back we talked. It was hard seeing her. She is so
beautiful. I left the letter with the title paperwork for the her
bike and trailer. Dare complete!
I have a question, Our marriage was not a christian marriage. Her
step mom, a judge, married us and any religious reference or a woman
serving a man reference were taken out. Is this a marriage in God's
eyes? We were married in our home. I love her she is my wife but I
do not feel like this marriage is true to Him. This could explain
some of the feelings I have been having regarding us. She stated
again tonight that she does not believe in God. Great sadness and I
tried to give it the Lord.
Its between you and Christ to determine.
When it comes down to it, you made a promise in front of God (because He's always there), and another person other than your wife. Adam and Eve didnt even have another person as a witness.
Marriage is also God's institution, invented by Him. It is meant for one man and one woman to share their whole life together, helping each other get through the trials of this world.
As you have been married to others, this is something that only can be answered through diligent prayer.
The marriage isn't true to Him. But not because of What you are thinking. That stuff is just a formality. If it is legal it is real. But more importantly, you are not one at the moment. You have not invited Christ into the marriage from the first day.
However you now have a walk with Christ, you are learning Chirsts way through this journey and you are committing to a relationship with Him. This is being renewed. You are being renewed.
It is His will that will be done, and your joy and happiness if what will come from that.
I ask because of day 40. Making it right with Him.
Submission is the term. Read what this means. It is often misconstrued within our culture.
Your vice/virtue is the cause of her stand-off. Fierce passion one way...and then another.
Focus on Him. He will work on your wife. He is working with you. Remember that.