I was praying on this dare as I have no physical contact with my spouse. This morning I read through Sean's post to me from yesterdays dare. I then took a shower and prayed to God on how to accomplish this dare. As i was brushing my teeth, my prayers were answered.
First I am going to paste Sean's response:
"There is a bigger thing going on here. First. Since she chose to
leave, in her worldly mind she had the upper hand. However your
confession was more of a slap that slammed her pride. So yes, she is
going to be extremely upset. However that is the world and the flesh
taking over. This is a good thing. Because right now she is looking
for you to be as miserable as she is. But you have Christ, and that
is not going to happen. This is where your testimony of what Christ
is doing in your life becomes more clear to those around you.
Second. The closer you are with Christ the more she will spite.
Because this is the person you should have been all along. Again,
this is Christ working in her. So remember.... BE STILL.... FOR I AM
GOD! this means do not get in the way. Let Christ work on her.
soon you are going to realize how happy you are and comforted. But
yet, it is in the most trying time of your life. Continue to seek out
the wisdom Christ wants to bless you with."
BE STILL....FOR I AM GOD. That is how I am supposed to do the day's dare. God will handle today for me. I am prepared for when the time comes to greet my wife with a new impression. Now is my time with God and through my testimony others shall see.
I am awe struck at his power. I am so weak compared to how I used to view myself. Yet I am more powerful because of the Lord.
What I love most about each day I wake is seeing God's work even in the littlest things. He will sometimes work in very obvious ways, but most often it is in subtle ways. Being on this journey opened my eyes and heart to it all. I realize He has always been working - I would just ignore it. Not anymore - I relish in it. He works in ALL ways and as you are aware His timing is always perfect. We don't realize how weak we truly are and this journey really sheds light on it, but you are so right - we are more powerful now than ever because of our walk with Christ. Your testimony is only just beginning...
Well God is great! I went to the store to get garlic bread for dinner tonight and some ingredients to make guacamole. While I was at the store I got a prayer book, a book on things dads need to do with kids and The Hunger Games. I try to read the books my kids read and I am taking my spouses adivce and reading it. When I came home the phone rang. I knew who it was and answered it. My wife had called to let our 3 year old talk to me. I had a nice conversation with her and then she handed the phone to my wife. I did not expect her to stay on the line but she did. I took the opportunity to say thank you for calling. It was really nice talking with you and then set up plans to pick my daughter up on Friday. My daughter got back on the phone so we chatted some more. Again to my surprise my wife got back on after my daughter was done. I said nice talking to you have a good day and hung up. God answered my prayers. Thank you Lord.
I am starting to relish in it. Its weird I feel almost guilty feeling good. I remember one important thing. I choose to walk with God. By doing so He took my pain and allowed happiness to flow. The days are brighter and my issues that I have are at God's feet.
My wife called again today. It is obvious that she is struggling with what has happened between us. She was asking about my cheating and why I decided to tell her now. I tried to explain the changes happening with in me. That I made a choice to be a better person and that is all. She said that deciding to believe in God is a cop out. That oh look I did something bad and I can repent and be ok with it. I said that yes people take advantage of this relationship and that I made a choice to be better. I choose God in order for that to happen. I told her that there were several times during our marriage that I tried to approach her about going to church. She said it was best it happen this way cause she would have not handled it well. She does not believe in God. She says that everyone she knows that believes in God is a shitty person. Thing is everyone close to her (like her Mom) say they believe in God and have treated her like ***. Me included. Prior to our split, I had the same convictions as her towards God. She said something about being afraid of dieing and going to hell. I did not respond as I am not afraid of death or going to hell. I have done what I have done. I have asked for forgiveness. The truth in my asking for forgiveness shall be the path that I walk from here on out. The path shall tell the truth of my repentance.
So what did I learn from this conversation? I remained patient and kind. Funny thing is that it wasn’t that hard. I felt compassion for my wife. I felt that she was trying to get me angry and I never came close to that point. I could tell she is struggling with everything that is going on. I am not sure if God's intent is for my wife and I do be together. I will not question his plan for me. I will pray for my wife and her trouble. If her choice is to not believe in God that is her choice. Then things happened as they did for my growth and hers as well. I will continue with the dares. She did ask me not to confess any thing more to her. I do not know what the dares hold for me. I will take it day to day. I do know that I felt this was God's work today.
I most add for my own sake that I cheated more then once on my wife. She believes that it was only once. I am laying that at Christ's feet and praying on it. I have confessed to God and sought forgiveness. My convictions for not telling her the whole truth on multiple times is that I am not ok myself with what I have done. The reality of my betrayal still lays heavy on my shoulders. I feel that the Lord is requiring me to feel that betrayal for sometime. As my life has been based on it. I will continue to pray for God's guidance.
Goodness, I feel like I am rereading some of my older journal entries. My husband has had the same responses your wife is having regarding your walk with Christ. As we are reconciling, he is being a lot more accepting of it, but he still makes sure that I know he is not a believer. Not giving up on him though. You and I both know God does what man can't.
You are walking the same road I did with my own wrong doings. You will see in three different journal entries throughout my journey my confessions to my husband. The best advice I was given when I was still feeling the burden of not disclosing absolutely everything was to lay it all at Christ's feet. You will know when the time is right to disclose it all. I was very torn at the time, but a Christian mentor couple of mine told me whether it works out or not - you NEED to be completely truthful with your spouse. I think back and could not even imagine if I was still holding on to that. Just pray on God's timing. For me it ended up being a particular dare, but that is not always the case for everyone.
You are doing great seeking His guidance!
It may be important for her to understand something. To make things right with Christ, you had no choice but to confess. As you will see in the dare I spoke about prior. You first confess to Christ, then to your spouse.
She needs to understand. That your desire is to make things right with Christ. You must love Him first to love her and others better.
With her having no faith, she may never understand it. But I assure you that Christ will make sure that your testimony is there.