So I have burned the negative list from yesterday...Felt good again. Shelly called to talk to our daughter and we spoke for a bit. During it things got a bit stressful as she said I am not being an adult about our children. She said she has not interest in our relationship, or ever fixing it again. I told her that I didn't believe he will stick around forever, and she disagreed. I said that I would keep the kids since she's still recovering from surgery and take our daughter on Wednesday to her school orientation. She said I haven't changed and that I have thrown a lot of things in her face to manipulate her. I responded that I've sacrificed everything I have for her and gave her a couple examples. Call ended, and I regret going back and forth with her. UGH... I know I am having control issues, and am trying to prove myself to her too much. Praying to find strength and peace to let things go. I have apologized for this, and don't expect forgiveness as Shelly doesn't forgive, she harbors things and believes the worst. Please hit me in the face with replies, I know I need it... God has aready spoken to me as I prayed and revealed that He is my ALL, and I can't fix things w/o Him. I am my own worst enemy...
Why should you expect anything? Why does it matter if Shelly forgives you? Forgiveness from Him is what matters! We are all our own worst enemies. Next time when you and Shelly are going at it instead of responding with examples on how you have changed, try responding by listening for discernment.
Listening is a hard lesson to learn for all of us. It is a strength to be consistently and continually honed.
Her is the bad part. You realize you are your own worst enemy,, but yet you continue to allow it to happen. God is trying to show you these things... Which means recognize and submit to Him.
Remember these words. BE STILL, for I am GOD... Which means when you feel the need to explain or control or say things, that it is better to wait on God than to take the opportunity to do it your way.