Collaborate without boundaries

Seeking to understand R2

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this dare happened yesterday

after yesterday’s fight..I went on to our day..drive my kids to sunday school..change for 10:30am church.. and didn’t expect anything else..she went with us to church too..then she asked me if we could just do Macy’s Santa Land in Manhattan today coz next week they will do their monthly 2k hail mary prayer with her friends..i said OK.. so we went and kids had fun..enjoyed every minute in there.. followed her everywhere she go..she went shopping first before going home..I didn’t complain..i just followed her where ever she go..while carrying on child and holding the older one..we got home tired..the kids and I fell asleep early..i dont know about her but I woke up 3am to drink water..she just said what? It’s like she’s guilty lf something I didn’t even say anything..so I said why? I sad on the couch where she was sleeping..for what ever reason I snoop on her phone coz it wasn’t lock..i read the message and he asked her if she could go with him at the outlet after their coverage work next saturday..it says the roommate will go with them..I was angry again..I told her is that the reason why we went to Santa Land coz you had other plans next week..I had just asked her to go to the outlets and she refused..she said I dont want to go woth you coz you always complain and the kids always complain..I told her who said we are bringing the kids..I told her she could do all do shopping coz if i get tired I will be inthe car resting anyway..I was pissed I told her I wanna talk to the guy..but instead she threatened me of giving the paper if I do that. Out of anger, yes I said do it..I really wanna talk to the guy but I might not..I was angry but I cool off again..and I said sorry..i told her you can do whatever ypu want..I will trust her words that Nothing is between them..

the morning, I didn’t say mucn but goodmorning and my suggestion to transfer the food she was struggling to put on her lunch bag..before she left I asked to kiss her and she let me kiss her head..i said I love her..and she left..didn’t expect a reply..i said bye..

I’m trying to understand what she really want..but I’m losing hope on our marriage..but I will continue to pray for us..and continue to do whatever I can. i have to learn how to trust GOD more..i keep going backward sometimes..specially when she shows something that I thought we were gonna be good..coz before this happened we were so good..we were talking and laugihing..i was just part of the roller coaster..ups and downs..

  • You had become more  consistent, but as the last couple entries, you are taking steps backward.  You are taking control from God to fix  the marriage.

    Stop the snooping.  Trust that if God wants you to know something, you will know.  And if you snoop and see something you will make it out much worse than it really is.  

    I mentioned in your last post about confronting him.  

  • Right now she will do whatever she wants.  Such as studying and shopping with him.  You cant' control this so let it go.  

    You mention things were going well.  But once you take control and get angry, things get worse.  So, keep the control in Jesus' hands.  He can fix this much easier than you.

    As she is going up and down on the roller coaster you can not follow her on that  ride and you must remain very consistent.

    Keep doing the dares so you can gain endurance in Christ in keeping your emotions in check.

  • Tessy reminded me in her journal entry, that God  covers us.  So, choose to become more  consistent and God will cover you trying to take control.  (We all do this now and then.)

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