Collaborate without boundaries

Love cherishes..tired

  • Comments 15

well, how do I show that I cherish her wheb she said it last night to stop giving her gift, letters/notes and flowers and whatever gestures. She said she had decided already. Our marriage is done. All I said was I’m not giving up. All I could really do is continue cooking, cleaning up everything and take care of the kids. And pray to God that I will have the strength and patience.

  • Keep doing the chores that  you always do, then remember to do just the dare for the day and no extras.  And as you are doing, keep praying.

    She feels she has to say the marriage is done.  She can't let her guard down just yet.  Stay patient and kind and do not  feel the  need to talk or convince her to give the marriage more  time.  She will fight that talk.  

    Be still and know He is God.

  • It gets very tiring.  But, put God first way above your marriage, and choose Christ first, and peace will come.  And your energy will improve.  And so will your sleep if you are having trouble sleeping.

  • Well, today our son got sick. Temperature was high when she checked him so She asked me not to work. I said NO. I told her if I will not work what will be left on my salary? I have a small income and I can’t be out for work. She’s planning to separate everything on our cards and everything..she earns a lot more than me. So, I ended up telling her all the sacrifices I made for her and the kids. From school programs/meetings, kids getting sick. I’m always there. I told her I even gave up my hobbies and plan to study Nursing coz I wanr her to do DPT first.

    I prayed after what happened. I feel I did wrong for telling it to her. I’ll give her that space for now coz I feel like the more I talk to her about getting back the more she push me away. Just until we cool down. But I will still greet her and cook for her and do the daily chores I do everyday. And pray.

  • Should I tell her give me like 40 days or something to let me try save our marriage and I will not fight what ever she wants. Just like the movie Fireproof. And let me do the things I want for her to save our marriage..I won’t object to what ever she wants just let me do the things I want for her inside that time line?it feels like ultimatum..

  • Jade,

    I have went through similar circumstances, not one of us here has the magical answers other than our Lord.  You are going through a tough situation and I feel for you.  I do not know or need to know your circumstances but I suggest to you that you do a dare a day no more as you have been told by Tim and others.  I understand why you responded NO to your wife with the current circumstances but I think you may have come off a little selfish and by no means am I saying that you are as I am an outsider looking in.  I have done that many time in my struggles as well.  Continue to do a dare a day and trust in the Lord as he has a plan and let him work on her heart and tear the walls down for you.  Give her space as she has asked for.  Is there a mandatory time frame before she can file? If so that is your chance to do the dares as intended.  If she hasn't filed you can continue even when she does you are still married as of now. Take this time to work on yourself and grow in Christ as you will see changes just as all of us here have.  I hope and I will pray for you and your circumstances.  Talk and explain how you feel but do it with love and kindness and maybe she could take the day off or depending on the circumstances.  Just remember the love dares that you have completed and respond as Jesus has responded to each one of us.  We are here for you and I hope this helps you. Like I said I am not calling you selfish but just an outsider looking in.


  • As most of us, especially in the beginning of the dates, you have your eyes n her first.  Look to God first.  All your thoughts are on her.  And how you can fix this.

    Make this easy on yourself.  And it will be more effective too.  Do a date a day, no more, no less.  And when you need to talk to her do so in kindness and patience.  Leave the fixing and worrying to God.  Right at the foot of the cross.

  • Imagine you have to pick a team Nate.  Your choice is her or God.  If you choose Good peace will come.  This does not mean to love her less.  Don't worry about 40 days.  Most all of us get more than 40 days.  Way more.

  • The more you give God control instead of you wanting to control by asking to have 40 days to show her you are changing the more time you'll have to grow your testimony.  And that's what she needs to see.  You being consistent all the while giving her tons of space.

  • It feels when you let go and let God you are not doing enough.  But when you try to do the fixing instead of letting God, you are saying you know better than God in how to fix this.

  • When you can start reading Sean's journals.  His user name might be schumura.  If you can't find it let me know.

  • Sorry about all my typos.  If anything needs clarified let me know.

  • Ok. I will continue what I’m doing. Do the dare what is intended for the day and maybe talk to her on how was her day and greetings. That’s it..we might probably talk a little regarding our kid coz he is a little sick..I already told her I’m bringing him to the doctor tomorrow after work. Just to make her calm down and not get worried. Thanks for all your advice. I will work on my relationship with God more. I really felt it last night though. After our talk I prayed the Rosary(catholic)  for the first time in a long time. After I was done I felt really easy and calm. I was even able to sleep right away which never happened when we started fighting. I haven’t run in a week now coz I haven’t been sleeping well. I will put my trust to God from now on. I will pray that he will give me the strength and patience to endure the trials.

  • I guess my dare was complete. I did my daily chores and she brought the lunch I cooked for her. We did talked a little but nit about saving the marriage. We talked about our kid who is sick. Asked her if she wants update tomorrow when I bring him to the doctor. I have to ask her coz she asked me not to text her. So I did. Not talking about giving a try again or saving the marriage was much better..although sometimes she sounded like angry then sometimes not. I just asked her about work, our kid who is sick, how was the food and other stuff..then she went to the living sleep..and I proceed to pray the rosary..

  • Hi Jade,

    I am a newbie but oldie from here.  I look forward to seeing your growth in your personal relationship with God.  The biggest question I have is motive.  All these things you are doing to show her your cherish her, are these things that you have always done or have you kicked it up in order to persuade her interest in you again?  Anything you do to illicit a response from her is done with wrong motive and that isn't love, it is selfishness.  I know because I was the king at this type of manipulation.  This isn't a question that you need to answer publicly for all of us because the question was solely for you to think about and mull over.

    I have not gone back and read any of your previous posts so I apologize for an inferences I may push forward.  I am glad that you got down and prayed the rosary that you have not done in a long time.  But more than the rosary prayer, how often do you talk to God?  One on one talk to God.  Like get down and dirty and really speak your heart out loud to God, but more than you talking to him, how often do you listen to Him?  How do you listen to God? You spend time in His word (Bible) and spend some time going through His word and letting His word speak to your heart.  I know when you first started posted Tim had responded that this is a journey with you and Him, and it is about building a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior.

  • Much better Jade.  You left the  marriage  talk alone.  Yes, keep greeting her like you said you would.  And it is okay to ask a few questions here and there.  But don't push asking to many questions.  Typically most of us often are only able to talk about what's necessary and that is usually about the kids.  

    As you are found, prayer will bring the peace and sleep you need.  Yes, she will show bits of anger even when she is in a better mood.  But as her roller coaster goes up and down, you keep staying consistent in your behavior in what  the dares are teaching you.

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