Collaborate without boundaries

3-8-18 DAY 14

  • Comments 4

Well last night I ended up getting around 4 hours of sleep which is an improvement over the night before.  I woke up at 2:45 like the rest of the week to be at work at 4 am.  I talked to God this morning on my way to work and Im still begging him to let me let him take over this is all still new to me and I know ive been struggling to let him have complete control.  I also told him that I was ready to put him first and I am Ive learned that he is number 1 and needs to be Number 1 in my life.  When I got to work this morning i wanted to text my wife cause i text her every morning to tell her that i hoped she had a good night and has a good day at work i always left her those texts to wake up to, but today as tempted as i was i did not text her.  i dont know if its cause i didnt text her or hear from her but i struggled today with emotions and prayed quite a few times at work for Gods help.  Ive been talking with my partner at work who is in his second marriage and ive been reading pieces of the book to him and hes been trying to apply some of what im learning in his marriage cause him and his wife argued every day and he told me that him and her have actually gotten along pretty well the last week.  The toughest part of my day though was when i knew my wife was on lunch at 12:30 I really struggled to not go call or text her i text my mom instead and talked to her and i prayed as well but i still ended up having to walk to the bathroom and broke down crying and begged God to help ease the pain on me.  After that it was still not the best day but i was able to manage and get through it.

My son had a short day at school today so my mother in law picked him up for us so i had to go to her house to get him and we talked a little bit.  I started by saying i guess you know Im staying with my parents and that i probably wont be coming to Sunday lunch anymore to which she told me that i was always welcome for Sunday lunch i told her thank you but i didnt want to force time with me on my wife.  We went into her kitchen and talked for about 30 minutes and talked about everything that had been going on my wife really confides in her mother.  She told me that shes been telling Jennifer that she needs to just give it time to see how things go and see if im really trying to change for the better and not to just satisfy her right now.  I talked to her and told her that I was making a relationship with God and that I was trying to put him first in my life and let him take over the whole situation.  I told her that she knew how i was before and that i had only been to church twice in the 11 years she had known me and she told me that was good and that she was glad that i was doing that.  She also told me that she has been praying for us and that we would work things out and that she talks to Jennifer and gives her her opinion and advice but that she cant change her mind and ultimately it was her decision.  I told her i know and that im trying to make these changes in me and that i know my wife has seen them in me but i was gonna continue to work to better myself for God and for my wife.  I did end up breaking down to her when i was talking about how I used to treat my wife and how i put material things and money in front of her.  I explained how i used to always tell my wife that i didnt care if we lived in a cardboard box on the side of the road as long as i had her id be happy and i broke down again saying that i couldnt believe that i had lost sight of that.  After our chat i hugged my mother in law and thanked her for the talk and told her that i loved her.

When me and maddox got in the truck we were gonna stop by and see my parents for a few cause they havent seen him in a few weeks.  Since i had been having a hard time approaching todays dare i prayed on it a couple times today and had a few ideas but still didnt know what approach to take God told me to talk to my son about it since he would be with us.  So in the truck i explained what i was wanting to do but didnt know how to do it so i asked him which one do you want us to do and i made the suggestions.  He told me that he wanted all of us to go ride bikes on the bike trail and to go get something to eat afterwards.  So i told him that since it was what he wanted to do i was gonna get call his mom so he could ask her if she wanted to and i would rather him had talked to her since i was trying my best to not force interaction with me on her, so he called her and asked and she said yes that would be fine and he handed the phone to me so i told her that id have her a bike and asked if she wanted me to meet her at work or the trail and she said the trail.  So thats what we were going to do we came by my parents and I grabbed my moms bike cause my wifes bike tore up the last time we took maddox riding and then we headed home.  As soon as we got home maddox went and got him a beanie and gloves and his helmet and put them on with excitement even though we werent leaving to meet my wife for another 30 minutes.  I did put a few dishes in the dish washer and put the basket of clothes she had in the hallway in the washing machine and started them for her not wanting any recognition for it i just wanted to since i knew she would be getting home later since we were gonna be riding bikes.  We go there about 10 minutes before my wife did and sat in the truck a few then got out and unloaded the bikes for when she got there.  It was about 48 degrees outside so i took my wife some ear warmers and gloves so she wouldnt be to cold riding.  When she got there maddox was very excited for all of us to be together and doing something fun i told her when she walked up that she looked beautiful today and she smiled and said thank you.  So as we went riding i tried to make small talk with her and to talk with our son as well so he wasnt being neglected i asked how her day was today and if she had a good night the night before.  She answered but you could tell she was still very distant and cold towards me and wasnt really wanting to be there but i tried to make the best of it and not discuss anything going on or tell her my feelings or show any affection just tried to enjoy myself in her company.  we didnt ride very far and on the way back i popped a wheelie and she said i thought you fell i was about to start laughing to which i replied i mean i thought you still liked me you dont have to laugh if i get hurt in a joking tone.  she told me that thats the new her shes working on and that she was done taking crap from people, i told her that she needed to cause she had put up with alot of crap from people in her life not just from me and i told her that i didnt want to give her anymore crap.  She said so this is gonna be the new me and i told her that i like any version of her and she asked if we would stop talking about that and i complied.  Maddox ended up wanting to eat at my mother in laws so going to get something to eat was gone out the door but i did tell her that if she still wanted to me and her could get something and she said she didnt want to and i told her that was fine.  She did bring up the fact that i used my son to get her to see me but i asked him what he wanted to do and thats what he chose so she asked him if he wanted to ride the bikes and he said yes all of us together.  when we got back to the car i asked her if she wanted me to put his bike in her car or if she wanted me to bring it home and so we put it in her car and i hugged and kissed maddox and told him i loved him and i opened her door for her and told her i had fun and that i hoped she had a good night, she told me she hoped i did to but did not say anything about fun but its ok baby steps.

While me and maddox were riding in the truck we were talking i know he really wants me and my wife together he tells her hes fine but you can tell he does not like us not being together.  I told him that whatever he wants he needs to pray to God for it i said God will answer prayers son.  he said yea i can pray to him at night before bed and i told him you can pray to God whenever you want he always listening, he said but what if hes listening to other people i told him that God hears everyone.  When i ask him he tells me he wants me and my wife together times infinity (hes 6).  A few days ago he asked me why i was always reading my book and carrying it around(the love dare book) and i told him that its showing daddy how he suppose to treat and love his mommy and that mommy had a copy of it to but hasnt wanted to read it yet.  While we were on our bike ride out of no where he asked my wife why she hadnt read the book daddy got her yet and she told him that she didnt want to read it.  I still feel like God is going to use my son on my wife i truly believe that because thats where she says she finds her happiness and she puts him before everything plus i see how bad he wants us to work.

  • Try visualizing Christ way above your wife, not loving her less, but putting Him way above her, and that can bring peace instead of the hurt you feel at times.

    It's great to pray while going to work, but if this is your primary prayer time,  think of it as this.  If your wife wanted you to talk to her would you multi task and say ok, I will make time to talk while I drive to work?  Or would you want to sit  down in a quiet place to talk to  her without  distractions?

    Take time to make your main prayer time in the morning strictly for just praying, not driving, getting ready for  work, etc.  God is a jealous God.  But, if you pray then pray as you drive to work, that is fantastic.

  • I am not  saying to talk or not to talk to her mom.  but realize much of what you say will probably get back to your wife.  And she may feel you are trying to convince her mom to convince her she  is  in the wrong, that you are using her mom against her.  She is at a point she will twist a lot of things against you.

    The  same with telling your son about the book.  He may ask his  mom why she isn't trying like dad is with reading the book.  She will think you are using him to get at her.  

  • I can understand why you had your son ask her about bike riding, but when it comes to the dares, do them on your own to get the full benefit of doing the dares.  Also, as she stated, she will think you are being manipulative by having your son ask.  

    She will say there is a new her. she is trying to find happiness in the foolishness she is in the midst of.  but the happiness she is seeking she will not find on the path she is on. she may feel happy in moments, but when she's alone or it's quiet or the new routine becomes less exciting, the happiness quickly fades.  And then she will see you and see the peace of Christ and the joy you are in, and she will want that. Even if she does not understand why you are joyous.  

  • I've been going through this for almost a year and I still find things occasionally that I haven't given up control of. When you think about how Jesus gave up control He went to the cross and everyone thought they had defeated Him. That could very well happen to us. The world is cruel and doesn't care about us. God does though. In the  end we will be lifted up for our steadfast faith.

    Text your mom instead of your wife. Vent to your mom. Tell her that is what you are doing. Anything to keep your mind occupied. Continue to give your wife her space.

    I "manage" to get through each day on day at a time also. I know how difficult it is. Look forward to reading your Bible or seeing your son. Focus on that.

    I did the same thing with my mother-in-law. She ended up stabbing me in the back. Remember that is your wife's mother. She is likely going to defend her daughter at all costs. Be careful what you say to her. My in-laws were the first to persecute me. They told my children that I am using the Bible as a weapon. My wife just last week told my sister that she thinks I am faking religion. But actually the persecution is great because it means I'm doing something right. Just like the Apostles.

    She will hold things against you like using Maddox to get her to go riding. Be careful of that. Try to do things without getting him involved in the decisions like that. I know it seems harmless but she will probably mention the same thing she said to you to him and it will end up putting him in the middle and he will become even more confused about what is going on.

    God will use your son just don't try to interfere. I know you want him to ask her to read the book but she will have to decide that on her own. Every time your son says something to her about it or anything else that you might be thinking she will assume you put it in his head. I say this from experience. I coaxed my kids into a few things at first and it only angered my wife. So I stopped so she wouldn't have anything to get mad at me about but still every time they do something or say something she assumes I put them up to it and it comes up in court documents. Your wife is going to have to see the truth on her own. God will put it in front of her and she will have to accept or reject it. Just don't interfere at all. Tell your son your wife is an amazing person. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that pretty much everything you say to him is being told to your wife. If your wife hears nothing but positive things what is she going to think?

    Tim has pretty much nailed it in his comments. He probably made the same mistakes I did and he even warned me about a lot of them but I didn't listen. You really need to find a way to step back and let God have control. I'm not just saying that. I'm living it. So I know how hard it is.

Page 1 of 1 (4 items)