Collaborate without boundaries

3-5-18 day 11

  • Comments 4

Today i had to be at work at 4 am so last night i went to lay down around 8pm I asked my wife to come in there before I laid down and when she came in there I put my arms around her waist and pulled her close and pulled her on top of me on the bed.  I could tell she didnt want to be there but i looked her in the eyes and said i know you dont want this right now but i need it cause i dont know if I'll ever get to do it again i asked her to just lay with me for a minute before i went to bed and she did she did hug me and kiss me as well.  I felt bad cause i asked her if she would be intimate with me one last time and she started crying and said no and got up i apologized to her and told her that i was just scared that since tonight i was going to be staying at my parents that i may never get a chance to do that with her again.  i know that i shouldnt have asked especially since shes told me the last year of our marriage shes felt like thats all ive wanted her for.  im not sure why she started crying i dont know if its cause some feelings are still there bottled up even though she says they arent or if she just felt like thats still all i want her for.  i did ask her before i laid down if she was going to sleep in the bed or in our sons room cause she was still up watching tv i couldnt sleep on the couch, she told me that she didnt know.  i fell asleep around 10 pm and she hadnt went to bed yet so i didnt know where she was going to sleep.  i woke up around 12:30 and rolled over and felt her in the bed beside me, we have a king size bed so there is usually alot of distance when we sleep but last night she was on her side facing me in the middle of the bed and when i rolled over to her we were face to face.  i tried to go back to sleep for a couple more hours but had no luck so when it was time for me to get up i rubbed her arm a little and she stirred and i went to give her a kiss on the cheek and instead we kissed on the lips i told her that i loved her and she told me she loved me back.  

On my way to work i talked to god for a little while i asked him to give me strength to get me through all this and to guide me to be more like him i also asked him to help heal my wifes heart for the damage that ive done to her and to bring her peace and happiness through it all.  ive finally been able to pray for her unselfishly and it feels good to do that ive learned in these past few weeks that god makes no mistakes and that no matter which direction things go it will be for the best.  when i got to work i sent her a text like i do every morning just telling her that i hope she has a good day at work and then around 7 i sent her a text and told her that i didnt want her to respond i just said that i love you and im going to pray for you everyday that god brings you happiness and that i hope she can witness me grow closer to him and that hopefully one day she would give me the opportunity to make her happy again.  i did not text or call her the rest of the day i usually text her or call her on her lunch and usually call her when i get off work at 2 and i didnt do either i said to myself if she wants to talk she will contact you.  i went and picked my son up from school and we went to the house and we watched some tv and went outside for a little bit.  I really had a tough time trying to figure what to do for the dare today since i have been doing things around the house alot lately before i started reading the LD so i asked god what i should do.  I ended up writing her a note telling her that going to stay at my parents and leaving her and my son was going to be the hardest thing ive ever had to do but this is what she needed right now and it was best for our son if i was the one that left.  I told her in the letter that the reason i am doing this is cause i love her and that i was going to continue to pray for her everyday.  i also told her that ive loved her for the wrong reasons in the past but god has shown me how to love her and that now im not loving her for the attributes i fell in love with although she still has all those, but that i loved her because i was choosing to love her.  i didnt give her the letter i left it laying on her dresser in the bed room i figured she would find it and read it after i was gone.  

When she got home i already had a bag packed so that i would be able to leave quickly to let her have her space she came in and talked to our son and i got up and got my things and got ready to go i asked maddox to come give me a hug and when he did i lost it and broke down.  i told him i loved him and that i would see him tomorrow and i looked at my wife and told her ill see her later and she said come here im still gonna hug you.  we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek and i hugged my son again and away i went.  i was at my parents house for about 30 min when my wife text me telling me that maddox asked i could eat dinner with them tomorrow so i asked her what she wanted.  she asked what i meant and i said that i wanted to give her what she asked for which was space and didnt want to come if she didnt want to.  she responded not to worry about it then if i was going to act like that and that our sons wants mattered to.  i told her that i was just wanting to give her what she asked for and that she already should know that i want to be at home with them and that if she was fine with me coming to dinner already that i would love to.  she said that if she wasnt ok with it then she wouldnt have asked me.  weve talked to my son about it and he says hes ok with it but i dont think he fully understood it til tonight that daddy isnt home to eat dinner with me and thats why he asked cause he wants us together.  and maybe this is a sign that god is going to work on my wife through him.  either way ive got to put all my trust in god right now and know that he will lead me in the right direction whether its the direction i want or not.

  • Giving her space.....You have to take that to a whole new level.  You are willing to leave your son and wife to give her space, but not willing to choose not to pull her in bed so that you can find comfort from her.  And the other things you are doing above and beyond a dare a day.

    She may give you a hug, a kiss, and say I love you....But, these things will also get to her later, and will drive her wall up, or build up further resentment.  

    We do these things to find comfort from our spouse.  Right now, seek comfort only from God.  Leaving her space is giving God more control.  this way he can work in her more without you getting in the way.  Each time you go above the dares you are taking control from God.  each time you stick to doing the dares only, you open the door more fully for God to work in her and to mold you.

  • Don't take this as me trying to be hard on you.  I know i messed terribly doing the dares.  

    That's great you are invited to dinner tomorrow.  But do not use that as a way to try to find a way to show her extra affection, etc.  Enjoy the time, and then later let God know you enjoy Him all the more.

    When you put God first, way above her, peace will come from Him vs you trying to find comfort from her.

  • Im going to give her her space tomorrow during dinner Im not going to initiate affection towards her if she wants it she can initiate it with me and i will gladly comply.  Im trying to stick to doing the dares as they are intended nothing more nothing less.  like this evening when i left the house i looked at her and said ill see you later didnt try to hug or kiss her she came and hugged me and we kissed each other on the cheek i havent called or texed her but only to reply to her texts since i left.  I dont intend on calling until right before bed and thats to tell my son goodnight and that i love him she asked me to download snap chat back last night so that i could facetime him through it since i have an iphone and she has an android.  But ive been asking God to help me give her exactly what she wants and i feel like hes getting me to that point.

  • I messed up on the dares also. I ignored a lot of suggestions on here and I only made things worse. Only God can help these situations. If you're willing to give her space then God will step in and do the rest but you have to set an example. Go to church. Read your Bible. But don't throw any of that in her face. She will know what you are doing. She will see and hear about everything. And she will know that what she is doing is wrong. No one can escape God's conviction. It sounds like she is struggling with this and you CANNOT make a mistake that will push her away. Give her the freedom she wants right now so God can work on her.

    Your second paragraph is giving me deja vu. I did the same things and I'm telling you it all backfired. My wife actually said on court documents this month that I harass her by leaving Bible verses around the house and tell her she is not fulfilling her biblical marriage and that she is going to go to hell. I say that my wife was exaggerating all of that but in her mind it was as real as air. As hard as it is you need to give her the space she wants. She knows for a fact you love her. She will never doubt that. You just need to step back and work on yourself and wait for her. Let her initiate everything.

    It's a shame that kids have to go through this. They don't fully understand and it hurts them. I get aggravated that adults can't work their problems out for the sake of the children. I hope I'm not being judgemental but I really think adults should know better than even think about a d when they have children. If every person followed the Bible, let go of their pride and admit they are not perfect marriages would flourish. But it seems like we are moving away from that instead of toward it.

Page 1 of 1 (4 items)