Collaborate without boundaries

3-4-18 day 10

  • Comments 2

Today I woke up at 4:30 in the morning due to how uncomfortable our couch is to try to sleep on so I sent my wife a text to wake up to saying that when I say I love you it means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough to not let go.  After that I laid there and tried to go back to sleep with no success til my alarm went off to get up and get ready for church.  As I was getting up I heard my wife stirring so I went to check on her and see how she slept she said not to well and I asked her if she was gonna try to get up or go back to sleep.  She told me she was going to get up and to not make her coffee cause it was drinkable but not the best when I made it the day before so I went to the kitchen and got her keurig ready so all she had to do was push the button.  And I went and took my shower and began getting ready for church.  The last few weeks I’ve been going with my wife to her moms church but she wasn’t going to go today so my friend invited me to go to church with him so I did.  We went to the early service at 9:30 this morning and was done around 10:45 I called my wife after we were leaving and she said she was out and about.  Since we were going to her moms for lunch today like every Sunday I asked her if she wanted me to meet her so we could ride together or not and she said no she wanted some alone time so I had my friend just bring me home.  When I got home I decided to go ahead with my dare for the day so I got my sons bedding out of the dryer and put it on his bed and swept out the carport and washed the curtains in our bedroom and fixed the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom I didn’t tell her anything I did but she did notice the carport and my sons bedding cause she asked about it.  We decided at her moms that we would take our son to the park after lunch as a family so we left her moms and came home to drop my truck off and then took him to the park and then went grocery shopping.  The whole time I haven’t tried to hug or kiss her but do occasionally give her a kiss on the cheek I’m trying not to push for affection cause right now I know that’s not what she wants to do and it has been hard.  When we got home we put the groceries up and I came to the bedroom to give her her space and decided I’d go ahead and enter my notes in the book for my dare and go ahead and read the chapter for day 11. 

I was done reading and she came to the bedroom and asked what I was doing I told her nothing and she said she was gonna go de weed the flower beds so I asked her if she would like some help. She told me it didn’t matter so I put on some shoes and grabbed a jacket and went out to help her she’s usually out there for an hour and a half or so when she does that and with my help we were done in a bout 30 minutes.  While we were de weeding she made the comment I bet our neighbors are surprised to see you out here helping and instead of trying to reiterate that I was trying to change I just said yea your probably right.  When we finished up I put our sons bike up in the carport storage and my wife said that it doesn’t take anytime at all when you have someone helping you to which I didn’t reply.  When we came inside I put my shoes in the closet and my jacket up and she went to sit on the couch and she thanked me and I told her that she didn’t need to thank me that it was job to help her and that we are suppose to be a team.  She made the comment well right now our team is broken and I said I know it is and instead of going on about it I just said but it’s still my job to help you.  Now I’m back in the bedroom again so she can have the space and time to her self and entering my journal entry.

Tomorrow will be the first day of me staying with my parents i know people have said that I shouldn’t be the one that moves out that it should be on her with doing the love dare but I have a 6 year old to think about as well and we want to try to keep things as normal for him as possible.  She takes him to school everyday and his school is only 5 blocks from our house and I’m not able to take him to school cause I go in to work to early.  But I get off work in time to get him from school and she doesn’t get home til after 5:30 so I’m going to pick him up from school everyday and bring him home and stay with him and do stuff til my wife gets home then I’ll head to my parents.  While we were shopping she did mention me staying here and eating with them a few times this week and I told her that it was entirely up to her cause she knows what I want but right now it’s not what I want that it’s what she needs and wants.  I told her that if she wants me to stay for dinner I’d be more than happy to and if not it was ok but that it was entirely up to her.  I am hoping she doesn’t mind if I sleep in our bed tonight instead of the couch cause this will be the last time I get to share a bed with her til I don’t know when and even though she curls up on the other side of it it’s nice to know she’s just right there. Giving her this space is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I’m hoping that it’s worth it in the end.  I did notice that when I prayed for her today I did it a little different instead of asking for for help to mend her heart I prayed for got to put his hands on her and mend her heart and that I wanted him to just make her happy again.  And when I finished I thought to myself that was probably the first time in this last month I prayed for her unselfishly. 

  • Keep in mind, those texts like you sent this morning are getting in her space.  Really keep to a dare a day.  

    If you feel your prayers are selfish prayers, because so often our prayers are selfish, in that we want our spouses to change so that we are in more comfort, then simply pray that God's will is done in her life.

    The good moments with her enjoy, then let God know you enjoy Him all the more.  

  • Continue to give her that space. Don't try to kiss or hug her. Trust me I know it's very difficult. If, for some reason, she asks why you don't touch her tell her you want to respect her wishes and give her the space she requested. What makes this so hard is not knowing what she is thinking. She could get upset that you are not touching her and then get upset if you do. The best thing to do is exactly what she says for you to do.

    When you do things for her such as cleaning don't tell her, as it appears you did. What you are doing is between you and God. He sees your actions. She will too. The important thing is to make these things you are doing habit. Do things for her every day but don't expect her to notice or say anything. Just do what a good husband should do.

    She's exactly right. The team is broken. But it can be fixed. God is the best chance for that to happen. Put your trust completely in Him. Helping with the flower bed was great. Just remember, make it a habit, not just a one time thing.

    I think what your doing could be very beneficial. I absolutely stood for the marriage to the point that it just made my wife angry. I gave her space but not the space she wanted. She looks at what I did as controlling even though I don't feel it was.

    As you pray for her remember that you are not perfect. Pray for wisdom for yourself and ask God to work on you too.

Page 1 of 1 (2 items)