Collaborate without boundaries

Day 2 kindness

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Well today was interesting...I am just about over the crud my little one so lovingly shared with me this weekend. As I didn't have to go to work til 3pm,I decided to sleep in and get some much needed rest. Well when I wake up there is a message from Chris asking if I am hungry and want to go get something to eat. Sure sounds good... lunch date with my husband. :) I throw some clothes on and head out the door to meet him. When I get there he's the playful fun Chris I fell in love with. We have a good lunch and he complements my on my dress. Overall today looked like it was going to be a good day. I head off to work and get the chance to talk with a good friend about all that has been going on. About an hour before I get off work I get a message from Chris. He and the kids have eaten dinner I need to fend for myself  and he's going to bed. !? 9pm and he's going to bed... oh no he's got the crud now... Well I run through the drive thru and head home. Yep he's in bed asleep. Check his fever... normal. He says he's just tired. Need anything? No. I tell him OK get some rest that I have an open to close (830am to 9pm) shift tomorrow and ask him to please make sure I am up in the morning. He says no problem good night and sweet dreams and tells me he loves me and kisses me good night. Yes he's still sleeping in the kids bed and they are sleeping with me because daddy snores to loud. Lol yes he does. He's upstairs we are downstairs and we can still hear him. Lol 

I am just really confused... everything is almost normal but he's sleeping upstairs. He says he loves me but he says he wants a divorce. We go out to eat together and he's my playful loving husband but he wants a divorce. One day everything is great like thus nightmare is just that a bad dream then the next it's real. I never know what Chris I am getting. He said he would have left me already but can't afford it. Is it he's just trying to buy time or mid life crisis or what... I am on edge when I come home from work all the time I just don't know which Chris I am coming home to... Every time my phone dings I tense up not knowing which Chris is messaging me. I have learned mean Chris normally uses email. 

I know we are at a stale mate right now he says he wants out but I don't want to let him go. He says the only thing keeping him here is he can't afford to go. I was planning on moving out after this school year but I don't want to my kids are happy here. I am (was) happy here and I am not giving up on our family. I say if he wants a divorce then he has to move out but until then I will do everything I can to save us... 

I don't know if I was kind enough today so I am going to try again tomorrow.  I did buy lunch for us today. Not sure that counts though. Its hard when you work literally all day but I'll come up with something... 

  • Don't move out.  Just keep doing the dares.  Ask God to give you grace to give to whichever Chris you encounter.  When you get emails/texts/words from the mean Chris, don't reply if you can't reply with kindness and patience.  Sometimes silence is the best answer to attacks.  He may try to provoke a response from you at times to justify his decisions.  Don't respond, except with kindness and love.  Remember when Jesus was being taunted and attacked, He remained silent.  Know that God will be your defender and will fight your battles.  It's so hard to not want to defend yourself but try to not get provoked into a confrontation.  Pray.  Pray.  Pray.  without ceasing.  Any move toward divorce, let it be your husband that does it.  If he's saying he can't afford it, that's usually an excuse hoping you'll get tired of his behaviors and file yourself.  Don't let the enemy use your husband to provoke you into doing something.  Do the dares with no expectations.  It really does become a wonderful journey you take toward a deeper relationship with the Lord.  Always remember He loves you and will work for your good because He has called you His own.  This is a praying group of people and know that you will be covered in prayer as you journey through this season in your life.  Hang in there!   and welcome to the Love Dare family!  

  • I'll just be repeating what Linda said.  Would you moving  out be you showing unity in the marriage?  No, so if someone is going to move out, let it be all on him.  You stay.  

    He will be mean at times, and often times it will be right after he's shown kindness.  Because after he shows kindness, he realizes he let his wall down and then he makes sure he puts it back up again to prove he hasn't softened his stance.  

    When he's mean, he is also at times trying to provoke you to see you lash out back at him, to show you why he's talking about a d.  If you lash out, it helps him justify what he is doing.

  • So, you must stick with doing the dares the best you can so you build a consistent testimony that he can see and trust.

    Today move on to the next dare.  A dare a day, no more, no less.  Yes, some days or dares are harder than others, but the benefit on that is it gives you more  reason to pray upon the dares and rely on God to help you do the dares.

  • After meeting him to eat, he may have gone  to bed early and said you have to fend for yourself just to show you after having a good meal spending time together, that he didn't really soften, and  this was his way of showing you his wall really didn't go down at all.  

    As far as being on edge, trust Christ in all things by putting  Him way above your husband, but not loving him less, and find comfort in Christ.  And then be the best you, you can be.  It does get tough when they act this way.

    But this is him being  on a roller coaster ride, and following his emotions.

  • And while he's doing that, you lead your heart, and not  let your  emotions lead you, this way you stay consistent,something he needs to see.  When he goes up and down, you remain on Christ's path.

  • Watch the movie "War Room".  The lead female learns to pray but also how to stand for her family.  The character is an example to all of us how to act toward a rebellious spouse.  

  • Chris has no idea what he is doing. He's confused and I promise if you stay true to what is right and Godly you will reap benefits and he will see at some point that he is wrong. No matter what path he chooses to take it will someday end up in your favor as long as you keep God close to you. If I were you I wouldn't even mention that d word. That word actually makes me sick to my stomach.

    Chris needs counseling. He needs someone to help get his thoughts straight. Not some lunatic that will tell him to please himself like some of these counselors do but a good Christian counselor who will point him in the right direction.

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