Collaborate without boundaries

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Needless to say that this was brutal. After all the crap i've done to be where I am today, I asked my wife for the three things that she was uncomfortable or irritated with. Needless to say she didn't hold back. She was able to let me know that my affair was the number one thing. As she sat there and looked at the ground, i just sat there no saying anything.  I knew that I have made more mistakes in the past two months than i've ever made in my life and I was and needed to get blasted. I didn't care, it was worth the humiliation of being put in my place. As she continued she told me that she can no longer stand my "glare". Meaning that when i'm upset or things don't go my way, I over react, poorly. She stated that when it happens she tries to diminish the damage that I do, and hope for the best. I know that she is talking about. I totally agreed to deal with my "hammer dropped attitude", and told her that I would address it for myself, her and my kids. I don't want to have another issue to make things worse. My "hammer dropping" is going to mean patience and lots of them.  But if I want any chance of winning back my wife, i'm going to have to do it. I'be started to make changes and this will have to go near the top. She also said that at times I try to bully her. She described it as the Hammer dropping but the confrontational part of it. I again agreed to let it go. I have to let it go. I have no choice. And i need to make this change. It's stupid, dumb and childish. And its time to learn more humility. 


As I sit here and write this, i realize how much i've hurt here. We have some communication about the future, but i don't know what is going to happen. And i'm okay with it right now. I know that patience and time are the best thing for her. I've totally thrown away everything, because our marriage has been so Loveless for such a long time. I'm hurting from the stupid decisions i've made. I"m hurting because i've hurt my best friend. i'm hurting because I as weak and allowed Satan to enter my home and heart and it totally jacked up everything. I didn't fight hard enough, and now i'm fighting for my marriage. Satan showed up and ... just screwed up my life. I"m slowly getting back to what i need to do. I've got my to do list. I've got my need to do and want to do. Building trust again is #1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. 

I''ve told myself that I will not be afraid to do the hard things. And right now the hard things are swallowing pride, eating crow and fighting for my marriage. i've rededicated my life God. I've been praying more now than ever (and not for selfish reasons). been praying for her, my kids and me making the changes i need to make. 

  • Thats great brother! i too suffer from pride and it is exactly what is costing me my marriage. i am now swallowing my pride like if it were a cactus and like you finding faith in God to give me strength in the things i have my weakness in. Even if it doesnt workout, i know that i will be a much stronger person inside and out spiritually and be able to love with unconditional love. You can do the same thing as you are already proving it. Keep at it man!

  • The good thing is that the dares, if you do them without manipulating them, will resolve all the things you want changed in you, and even more.  She will see the changes but not believe they are permanent.  She will think it is all a ruse to win her back.  So, stay consistent in the dares.

    Do a dare a day, no more no less.  This will be a journey, between you and Christ, not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool to mold you into loving as God loves.  Have no expectations of her in doing the dares.  Read the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  But do not read ahead in the dares.

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