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Love is faithful

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I'm supposed to believe that love is faithful but all I've been doing is crying again. We barely see each other during the week. He's home with the kids while im at work. When I get home, he goes to sleep. Then he wakes up at 9 to eat, get dressed and run out to work. Weekends are the worst. He's so happy on the weekends because he's always got his plans now. He's hanging with his bad news cousin. Whatever. I let him be happy, I just miss him, a lot. I miss the way he used to love me. I miss his touch. I'm at work and thinking about it brings tears to my eyes again. I don't want to cry again. I just want to be faithful to God and believe that he knows what's best for me and that all this that I'm going through is just growing pains. I'm growing emotionally, mentally and in Him, spiritually. It hasn't been easy.

This weekend was my weekend. I left at 930 am for my dr appt., then to run some errands. I met up with some friends and had dinner and drinks with them til late. This was a sad reminder of why I don't want to be living the single life anymore. I don't want to find another man, I want mine. I don't want to be out and about,  I want to be home, cuddling with my husband. Sunday I woke up depressed thinking about all these things. I was supposed to go to my mother's 60th get together, but the last thing I wanted to do was ruin it for her in my state. So Instead I went to see a friend and vent for a little while. I got home and he left. He said he was meeting with his cousin, then going to a bar. He got home around midnight, smiling a lot and looking really happy and giddy. I'm glad he enjoyed himself but the evil one is giving me bad thoughts about his happiness maybe being about another woman. He was all smiling into his phone while texting. That made me very uncomfortable and sad. I went to bed quietly.

Nothing has really changed except for him saying that hes not making any plans to leave yet. He says he will stay to help with bills and to co parent our kids. I know that's a positive but he doesn't treat our home, like a home anymore. Things are broken or out of place and he just ignores them. When I mentioned it to him yesterday, I said this is still our home right? he just stayed quiet. That hurt me so much. It is still our home. It's where our kids live, sleep, eat and play. Its where they were born, where they've been growing up. WHere we first moved in together, got married, made love, laughed, loved, cried. Lord, I need you to help me and comfort me. I'm in so much pain. I've been feeling so much like I don't have a purpose in this world. For many reasons, not just because of what's going on with my husband, although, it has a lot to do with it.

I pray everyday and pray for God to put his hand on his heart and soften it towards me some, to make me stronger everyday to be able to deal with everything and I praise him for the small wins, like my best friend mentioned. Look at the wins, not the downfalls.

  • It seems like after being into the dangerous phase, Tim refers to, you might have relaxed a bit hence the enemy had a hold on you. When our spouse has been "nice" to us. All mushy and all, we tend to relax with our walk and thus allowing the enemy to  control our frailties.

    Whenever I miss my hubs, I just pray. I do miss him and sometimes it hirts coming home to an empty house but rather than allowing such thoughts ---- self pity, regrets, longing, etc to control me, I go to Him and ask for His comfort.

    Retrace your steps. :) You are somehow putting your "security" and "happiness" again, or at least that is what the enemy is telling you to do, on your hubs which cause you to feel sad and long for him. Allow God to fill that void now. :)

    Continue praying! Prayers are sent to you..

  • Wow you and I are simpatico...  I'm fighting a cold and pretty much laid around all weekend.  Managed to make it to Church which was a renewal.  But yeah, I don't want to be single looking for another person.  I want my wife.  She was everything I was looking for all in one package.  I got melancholy and cried a lot this weekend.  I was missing her.

    So it's cyclical, you'll be better and be back here again.  Just pray when you feel down.  Remember you only need Christ in your life. Everything else is extraneous.

  • Princess, you're right. I did relax a little. I still prayed everyday and read the bible everyday, but I was relaxing. I was thinking everything was going to get better fast. I stopped doing the dares and everything. I was doing them here n there. Praying does comfort me. Every time I speak to God and ask him for peace, 10mins later peace comes and I can continue with my day. Certain things trigger me, but He is helping me keep it a bay while at work. Praise Him for that! I guess going out on Sat kind of gave me the bad feelings again. Seeing what its like to be in the "dating" scene and I didn't like it one bit.

    Snaz, I've been telling you the last few weeks, you, Princess and I have been on the same emotional roller coaster. I don't however, like that word cyclical. I do NOT want any of this to be a cycle. I want this to stop, soon. I know its all in God's perfect timing, but I cant keep going like this, one day good, the next day I don't want to go on with life at all. I've been going through the same thing Mdarby has been going through, the short temper with the kids. I hate myself for it every time. I want to be more patient and more loving toward them, but im so stressed out with everything that it catches me by surprise when I lash out at them. Anyway, im praying on that.

  • I'm think cyclical like the moon, not necessarily that it will be forever.  I certainly want the ride to end as well.  Also one of the best things on this site is knowing you are not alone, you are not unique in your pain.  Being able to share emotionally and know someone else understands is so immensely powerful.  I know we should go to God, but sometimes it takes another going through the same thing to remind us, and help us, through God themselves.

  • You're absolutely right, Snaz. It helps to have this community of people supporting each other and going through the same things. At first, I felt like ok, people going through the same thing, great. Then I thought, wait, round 2? round 3? Are these ppl nuts? Are they just hoping and dreaming away? but now I know, now I understand. It's all about patience and walking with God and gaining a better relationship with Him first, because only He can fill every void we have. If we do this right, something like this can never affect us as strongly as it did the first time around. Atleast, that's what I hope, I guess only Sean, who's going through this for the 2nd time can really tell us.

  • The one day good, the next day bad, the stress and taking it out on the kids......this will end when you keep God constantly above your husband, the frustrations, and your time frame and keep constant on trusting Christ to supply your daily needs and voids.  

    Continue a dare a day and you will grow in endurance in Christ to handle all these things that can our emotions leading us vs us leading our heart.

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