Collaborate without boundaries

So far... not so good.

  • Comments 7

I am busy with day 3 Today. I understand that patience is a virtue but day 1 went unnoticed and day 2 went by with only ridicule.

We had a chat again last night and it took everything in me not to let anything negative slip, even after she told me that she "almost" cheated on me. In her mind we are already done for. When asked why she does not want to work on our marriage she just answers with she does not want to.

I know I should have been a more attentive husband and should have given her more positive comments etc but surely it could not be that bad.

I will try to continue with the Love Dare but quite honestly have have been shifted back to a very negative mindset.

 

  • I am glad you journaled on this part of the site.  Do not have expectations, such as her noticing.  and she will react with anger, venom, or ridicule often.  It often gets worse before it gets better.

    She will strike at you by stabbing you with words like she almost cheated.  Or letting you know she is flirting, or a guy gave her his phone number.  All these things, if she does them, are to get you to  break.  To get you to agree with her that the marriage is a sham.  

  • It will be many times you will need to give it everything you have to not say anything. continue biting your tongue.  She will use anything you say right now against you.  

    Continue the dares the best you can and you will shift back from the negative mindset.

    Think of how often you have sinned and God always waited for you to come back.  do the same for her.  

    You are in a covenant with God and her.  Do you want to shift away from standing for a covenant you entered with God.

    did you read the appendix yet about leading the heart?

  • I just saw your question about a dare a day, no more no less.  yes, try to keep to just that.  Of course greet her and say good by, etc when coming and going.  But, so often we try to do more than a dare a day to win the spouse back.  And this so often backfires.  Reaons being she needs space and lots of it from you.

    But, take that as good news.  The  more you stick to just  a dare a day, the more you leave the door more fully open for  Christ to work in her.  And also gives you more time to pray.  

    We often try to take control from God in fixing  the mess by us trying to fix this.

  • Now, if she wants to beat you up with words now and then and let you have it verbally.  Yes, you need to  be there and listen, bite your tongue, and not point out all her wrong doings or try to convince her she is wrong in her decision.  Let God do the convincing while you listen all the while biting your tongue through if need be.

    Try to find schumura's journals.  Read from oldest to newest when you have time.  His journals will help.  I encourage everyone to read them.  

  • Don't give up. Honestly, this is a journey for YOU, not her. You will grow in Christ and come closer to Him. That is a win for you. We all have doubts like you but the past is the past. You can't change it, no one can. You can ask forgiveness and move on. Worry about today and nothing more.

    Try to find a Christian marriage therapist if possible.

    Nearly everything I've done has gone unnoticed except for a "thank you" here and there and I just finished the book. I'm starting a second round because I grew so much through the first one. Don't expect your wife to react a certain way. Expectations are a relationship killer. No one will ever react the way you want them to. It's unrealistic and it only stirs up anger. Love as Jesus did. When they were beating Him and put Him on the cross He asked God to forgive them. He still loved them.

    "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

    Proverbs 15:1

  • Tim you are amazing. It is almost like you are here. I have read the appendix about leading your heart. I will still read it many times I guess. I can already from my side feel a much deeper connection with Christ as I started the journey a little while before starting the Love Dare. Every time she starts a conversation I try push it further than I should. I will most certainly back off now and let God deal with that aspect. Thank you too Eddie. I pray that it all works out as it should.

  • When it gets to be too much, Be still, literally if need be, and know He is God.  It will feel ovewhelming, but the less you do beyond the dares, the better you and she will be long term.  

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