Collaborate without boundaries


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The last entry I mentioned my husband wanted to meet and talk about "us".  He wanted to meet at a restaurant.  I can only assume so I wouldn't make a scene.  As much as everyone was telling me to believe the best, I spent most of yesterday doing the opposite but praying ferociously.  It was my day off from work.  I had made some dental/medical appointments for myself that were later in the afternoon.  Kids went to school so I had the entire morning to pray, fast, cry.  I watched videos on youtube about the restoration of marriage.  I was so mentally and physically exhausted from not sleeping well that I took a nap in the mid morning.  

I managed to get myself up and going to make it to my first appointment.  I cried through my teeth cleaning.  I just couldn't get out of the funk of depression of my situation.  After my cleaning, I sat in the parking lot and had an hour or so before my next appointment.  I started having a panic attack and called my counselor.  She helped me with some breathing exercises and prayer.  It calmed me down and I would continue with the breathing and prayer for the rest of the day.  My  next appointment went better.  The rest of the afternoon was spent picking up kids from school and practice.  

The meeting was around 5:30pm.  He was there and got a table.  The place was busy for a Monday, which surprised me and made me a little uneasy.  The meeting lasted about an hour and a half.  It was NOT good.  He basically wouldn't make eye contact while he explained how he wanted a Divorce and what he thought was the best and easiest way for everyone.  He forwarded me some information on mediation and first steps, which I immediately rebuked and deleted.  I was visibly upset and told him I would not assist him with a Divorce in any way.  So he said, "I guess it will be the hard way then."  The hour went on to us making jabs at one another about past mistakes, what led us to this place, etc.  He went on to say this is why we can't work, because we can never resolve any issues.  We both said things that were not nice.  I kept going back to that I thought he was being unfaithful and he kept denying it.  We weren't getting anywhere, so we left separately.  One the way home, I was a mess and lashed out at God.  Typical, right?!  I am so ashamed.  I later repented.

He wanted to tell the kids as soon as we got home that we were getting a Divorce.  We talked a little more before we brought the kids down.  It got a little ugly at one point and I said something I immediately regretted and he left in anger.  Our 13 yr old saw him leave in anger and was upset.  

I ran after him, trying to apologize.  I tried calling him, but every call went to voicemail.  I texted him multiple times apologizing and asking him to return so we could talk to the kids since they were upset.  

He came back.  I apologized again.  At this point my head was bursting and I needed to eat and sleep, but we needed to get some things done.  I mentioned how we couldn't really afford to live separately and I didn't want to ever go a day without seeing my kids.  After a long talk, we made a simply agreement that he would stay living at the house with the sole purpose to raise our kids together.  A divorce was still on the table.  

We brought the kids down and he did all the talking.  He explained his position.  He was very clear that he wanted the divorce and I did not.  Both boys were very quiet but crying.  Neither of them wanted to hug their Dad after the talk but they did.  He then wanted to call both older sons.  At this point, my body was so weak, I couldn't fight him.  I laid down in the bed while he called our oldest son.  Our oldest son was a bit confrontational.  He is a newlywed himself with a young wife and son.  He wasn't hearing any of it.  He said there whole lives we taught them that marriage was forever.  He understands that we both had a hand in the marriage getting bad but he does not agree with giving up.  He was very disappointed and didn't really know what more to say.  He was worried about me too.  

We then called our Marine.  It went pretty much the same way.  He was upset with his Dad and worried about me.  He didn't agree with any of it.  After the call, he called me later and said he loves his Dad and didn't want to say anything to hurt his feelings but that he was really mad.  

I went to bed and my husband went upstairs to sleep on the couch.  

At 1:30am, I was awakened by my husband kneeling at the side of my bed, crying.  He was so upset that he upset the boys, disappointed them.  He said he was a poor excuse, a poor example and that killed him to see how they looked at him.  

He confessed that there was another woman.  She lives across the country.  They used to go to school together.  He loved her when he met me but never told me.  She has been going through her own legal separation.  It's been ongoing for two years.  She has five children.  It first started as just a shoulder to lean on.  I knew about her because he would tell me he'd been talking to this old friend from school and what she was going through and I immediately told him then, that he should be careful, those situations can quickly turn inappropriate.  And that's exactly what happened.  At first he thought, she lives so far away, how can it hurt to talk with her.  Well it did.  The emotional affair started Sept 1.  It was later that month that he first told me of doubts he was having about us.  Then in October, he told me he wanted out.  I was hurt but not surprised.  I knew there was something going on.  You do not just wake up one day and decide to leave you spouse.  There is always a catalyst.  She was it.  I felt bad for her.  I knew her pain but did not understand how she could engage in this kind of relationship with another woman's husband, given her own situation.  He said he felt like he loved her.  I told him that love is a choice.  She obviously gave him something he didn't feel he was getting from me.  I prayed the whole time we were talking.  I prayed for him.  I prayed for her.  He realized that he has to let her go if we have any chance. 

During a period of silence, I put my hand on his back and said I forgave him for everything.  For our entire past, for this current emotional affair.  EVERYTHING!  I laid it down, never to return to it.  He wept.  I had no more tears so I just kept praying.  

For the first time in weeks, we slept in the same bed.  

We woke this morning and our son was at the bedside needing a ride to early morning practice.  I'm sure the sight confused him.  When my husband got back home, he told me that he told our son on the way to practice that seeing his boys reaction to his decision and the look of disappointment was too much to bear.  He wants to be a good example to them and doesn't want them to ever be quitters, so he won't be either.  He owes to his marriage and the family to try to make it work.  PRAISE GOD!!!!!!  He sent the older boys the same message in a text.  And then told our youngest before he left for work.  

He understands that today will be very hard for him, in that he will need to sever some relationships that are bad so we can move forward.  I told him i was sorry he was in so much pain and I know he doesn't want to hurt this other woman but she has already told him if her own husband were to come back to her she would take him back in a heart beat because she loves him and wants her own family restored.  I told him that I do not know this woman but I do not believe she is a bad person and that if what he has said about her is true I think that while she may be a little hurt, she will understand and respect his decision to end their relationship so our marriage can be restored and our family kept intact.  I prayed again in silence over him and over her, praising God the entire time as well. 

We both know this is just the beginning and it will be a long hard road ahead.  I pray for continued strength.  I will continue with my journey with God.  Reading my Bible and keep in daily prayer.  Keep praying LD family.  And even though I fell short yesterday; I did not stay patient, kind, calm and cool.   Revelations were made and repentance was started.   God stayed with me through it all.   Much work left to do.  Glory be to God!!  


  • Did he decide to leave her and work on the marriage? Im sorry I did not quite get that..

    You and your hubs had a moment there, praise God for it. I can imagine your pain. alsmost similar thing happened with my marriage. It started as a shoulder to lean on. blah blah. and one day he jist left. Im glad he is open in working thing out. Do continue to show kindness and unconditional love..Always ask God for  wisdom and strength..

    prayers do go out to you and your husband.

  • Yes.  He says he will stop talking with her and tell her it's over so we can begin to work on us.  

  • Amazing. My wife did the same thing with her Ex but I didn't have any Kids and nobody stood up to my wife.  I'm so glad that he recommitted.  Please keep us updated.  Praise the Lord.

  • Tears of joy for you. I already prayed for you and your family and will continue to do so.

  • He is dealing with a lot and I'm going to try and be as patient as I have been.  But it's going to be hard for the both of us.  I'm continuing with the LD and journaling.  I am still new in my own walk with God and will continue with that as well.  One dare a day, no more, no less.  Im going to join a small group at church and start serving where God calls me to serve.  He's been after me for years and I am finally ready to obey.  With His help, I will have the tools to fight.  I've learned so much from reading everyone else's posts old and new.  It was revealed to me that my brother in law and his wife have also been struggling this past year.  I think I'm going to buy her the LD book.  It's clear to me that marriages are a clear target of the enemy.  So many marriages and families in pain.  Only God can fight it.  We need to all be warriors for each other and pray for marriages good or struggling.  

  • Praying!!!

  • Amen! Praise God! I absolutely love this.  It's all in His timing, not our own.  This is absolutely amazing.

  • Along with your other prayers, pray for strength to bite your tongue.  In a way as you continue to will become easier. but, you are in a dangerous spot right now.  Evil hates seeing what just happened.  A marriage snatched from destruction, but also your flesh will want to push his car up to yours.  Read Seans' journals.  So, this is a time to really remember days one and two, be patient and be kind.  

    I kept wondering, when is the testimony going to come into play as i was reading.  LOL.

    But it came.  Thank God for all of this.  God is amazing.  Remember, your husband is not close to where you are in his walk.  And do not try to push him to where you are.  Remain patient in all.  He is also scared.  Losing her, wondering if it will really work out between you two.  Wondering if he is string enough.

  • You chose Christ, not really your husband.  And that is what will make it work for you.  you chose to forgive and to continue to love unconditionally.

    Realize he did not love her.  He may have been infatuated, but not in love.  

    He does need to break it off quick and fast with her.  He may have a hard time with that.  I do not know, but be patient.  

    Thank God for your children.  And the strength in Christ they showed.  

    Do not worry or fear the work that needs to be done.  God will be with you in each step.  Most of all, have no expectations in how much he tries.  He may be a slow starter.  Or a non starter for awhile.  Or he may go full bore. But in all things, be Christ to him.  

    Thank God for his eyes were opened.  

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