Since my last entry had a meeting with a Church Elder. The Elder happened to know my husband's family when he was a kid. So he knows my husband grew up with Christian values. He was saddened to hear of these recent events but it so very encouraged that I am seeking out God and putting my relationship with God first and offered up any assistance they can offer. He put me in touch with a licensed marriage and family therapist that is on staff with the church. I received an email from her already and plan to make an appt first thing.
Meanwhile, my husband has been sleeping in our room again, even the nights I'm home. He says it's because there was a wasp in the spare room one night and he's concerned about getting stung. He is allergic. He still kisses me goodbye every morning and even though I still worry about his true intentions, I thank God for every little blessing, and I do look at those instances as blessings.
Todays Dare was commuting to reading the Bible daily. While I had started this a few weeks ago, I don't always do it daily. I will recommit doing so.
With all that said, my feelings still get hurt when he is distant, or when I don't hear from him for periods of time. And I have had instances when I've been crying out to the Lord in prayer still asking for a miracle to save my marriage. Crying out to God for my husband to reconnect/recommit to God AND to me, even though this maybe selfish.
Then I keep on moving forward, remembering to keep being polite, kind, non-reactive, etc. Steadfast in my own journey. Sometimes it's an hourly struggle. Thank you Jesus for all the many blessings I have been given and the peace you have already given me.
Sometimes it gets to be minute by minute.
love believes the best. Believe his intentions are pure.
Still have no expectations of him communicating with you as much as you desire. continue seeking peace from God, not peace from how often he communicates or keeps in touch with you.