Collaborate without boundaries

Trust vs. Truth

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I'm sure I know the answer to the question I'm going to post but I also need prayer about it from people I admire and trust.  

Yesterday was Thanksgiving for my husband's side of the family.  His Dad and Stepmom hosted.  My husband is one of five siblings.  Only two of them still live close and he has spoken to both of them that we are having "problems", but we are trying to work them out.  Yesterday, I felt somewhat cornered by both his sister and his brothers wife.  I know both of these woman have nothing but good intentions for our marriage but we aren't very close.  They were asking about the upcoming move and if I was excited.  I am NOT good at faking enthusiasm.  I'm NOT good at faking ANYTHING.  It was an overwhelming day and I got emotional in front of them.  I don't regret it but I quickly tried to compose myself and didn't say anything about our marital situation.  The rest of our night was pleasant without any further issue.  Before we adjourned to our separate bedrooms my husband gave me a kiss and hug.  I held the kiss longer and he didn't move away.  

This morning he came in to say goodbye for the day and asked if I said anything to his sister.  I said "no" but didn't share that I had gotten emotional in front of her.  I asked "why?".  He said that she had text him this morning and said she could feel the awkwardness and expressed how sorry she was about what we're going through.  She also expressed how I was her favorite sister in law and she hopes we work everything out.   I was floored that she said that to him and even more so that he told me what she said.  

Later, I had to text his sister about the kids' Christmas gift exchange and she apologized if she made me cry and to not lose hope.  Her and her husband went through counseling but I don't know the details.  She said she loved me.  I was a mess.  1. Because of the circumstances my marriage is in.  2. Because she was so sweet.  3.  Because she doesn't know the truth.  She doesn't know that her brother wants to leave the marriage and is still debating whether he will or not.  She doesn't know that our marriage problems can't begin to be worked out until he makes the decision to recommit.  Because obviously if he leaves there's no more "working on the marriage".  

I feel so alone in praying for the truth of our situation.  I was on the verge of just exposing it all to her but I didn't and I won't.  Right?!  It's selfish.  It won't help.  

Today's dare is to forgive my husband for anything I've been harboring against him.  All I can think about is what he's doing to us and our family right now.  I feel like I'm forgiving him for the same thing on a daily basis.  I know I have to trust that God knows it all and it's in his timing.  I'm still on the roller coaster.  I want to get off of it and Trust in God and put all my faith in Him.  It's just so difficult.  



  • I have told so few people to guard and protect her.  But others have said, you have a community of people to go to for prayer and also share testimony.  So, in prayer, decide what to do about telling others about the situation.  Maaybe since she already knows, dont spread the details exposing him but just ask her to pray that God restores the marriage and His will is done in both of your lives.

  • As you continue the dares the desire of wanting others to know it is all on him will lessen.  And your comfort will increase because you will come to the point of putting Christ above your husband and BV everything else.  That's when peace comes.

  • Share the love and also the forgiveness Christ gives to you with your husband if you can't forgive him on your own.  And if you need to remind yourself daily that you forgave him then do that.

    Your will, when in union with Christ's will to forgive and love, will bring you grace that you need.

  • By not speaking out and telling the truth the others, it protects the spouse wanting out.  But by speaking out it creates problems if you reconcile because people take sides.

    This is one of the most difficult things.  I don't tell people my wife cheated in case we do get back together.  Only a few close friends that won't judge know.

    Haven't told my step father that we are separated, but he will have to know if we divorce.  I always take the blame for what I did when I let people know.  It wasn't just her, it wasn't an easy decision for her.  She still made her decision, but we are both to blame.

    Always pray about tough decisions.

  • Thank you both.  It is an inner struggle to want to expose him.  I do recognize my faults in the break down of our marriage and seek repentance and healing.  And you're right, I don't want to cause further damage by hurting him in unnecessarily especially if there is reconciliation.  I realize it's a selfish thought brought out by the pain of it all.  I continue to pray for wisdom, patience and love.

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