Collaborate without boundaries
  • December 4, 2018

    • 2 Comments
    A couple things happened yesterday that bother me. First, I finally went and traded my vehicle in for a new one. Not that I needed a new one but the one I had was $595/month and I only had a month to get Amber's name off the loan. So I had to do this...
  • December 3, 2018

    • 1 Comments
    I've been listening to the kids and not saying anything negative. It's frustrating to listen to them complain and feel like there is nothing I can do to make things better for them besides just be there when they need me. Nick (15) messaged me...
  • November 30, 2018

    • 3 Comments
    Well I did a great job of not saying anything negative yesterday although there were certainly negative thoughts running through my head. I listened to the kids and I kept my emotions in check. Trinity (14) stayed at my house again last night. A couple...
  • November 29, 2018

    • 4 Comments
    I slipped up once yesterday. Trinity (14) said something about Amber while we were watching The Voice and I said "Well she cheated on me." I don't remember exactly what prompted me to say that but it came out and I immediately regretted...
  • November 28, 2018

    • 2 Comments
    I spoke to the social worker yesterday over the phone and I feel like I was blown off. The first thing she asked me was why do I think Nick (15) is behaving the way he is. I told her he has been abused his whole life. Before adoption and after. She just...
  • November 27, 2018

    • 6 Comments
    Trinity (14) was giving me a little therapy last night. She's stayed at my house three days in a row now. She said her mom was getting mad because she is not coming home. Not my problem because she can stay as long as she wants. She said "Maybe...
  • November 26, 2018

    • 5 Comments
    Thanksgiving was good. It could have been better if I still had my family intact. I ended up taking the kids to their mother's bio father's Thanksgiving then dropped the younger ones off to her after that, where I assume they had Thanksgiving...
  • November 21, 2018

    • 5 Comments
    I so appreciate this community. I appreciate every person who has read my journal. I appreciate all those who have prayed for me. I appreciate Tim for kindly responding to all of my journals. Even though sometimes his advice is not what I WANT to hear...
  • November 19, 2018

    • 4 Comments
    Tomorrow is going to be a rough day. Friday Nick (15) was interviewed by a social worker who is working on something called a CAPS assessment that has come about because of his truancy. It supposedly measures his level of PTSD. He told this social worker...
  • November 15, 2018

    • 7 Comments
    This last week has been pretty bad. Nick (15) has seemingly just given up. He won't get up in the mornings to go to school when I stop by to pick him up. The social worker has been asking me what's wrong with him. I told the worker that he has...
  • November 6, 2018

    • 3 Comments
    I didn't know what to write yesterday. I was a little upset because Amber texted me about Nick (15.) She said he wanted some wrestling shoes so he could start high school wrestling. Of course his grades aren't good enough but my thinking is if...
  • November 2, 2018

    • 4 Comments
    Seems like it's going to be a horrible day. Last night Becca (15) said she was going to stay at her mother's house. She had been on the phone with Trinity (14) so I guessed that they wanted to hang out with each other. So my abandonment issue...
  • November 1, 2018

    • 4 Comments
    Today would have been twenty years of marriage. Still is to me and God (I hope) but watching all of this around me is so difficult. The hurt someone can cause another person is just unimaginable until it's experienced, then it's too late. I don't...
  • October 31, 2018

    • 2 Comments
    Tomorrow would have been my twentieth wedding anniversary. This is harder than I though it would be. I actually didn't even think about it until this morning. Then I burst into tears. I got a book with 100 devotionals for women and a pin that says...
  • October 30, 2018

    • 3 Comments
    Yesterday as I was leaving work my coworker said he noticed that Amber changed her relationship status on Facebook. I didn't need to hear that. It was like twisting the knife that's already lodged in my heart. Then when I got home I was watching...
  • October 29, 2018

    • 4 Comments
    Pretty rough weekend. I didn't pay much attention in church Sunday because my mind kept wandering off. I kept thinking about how a couple years ago my whole family was sitting in the pew, all ten of us. I thought everything was fine but it wasn't...
  • October 26, 2018

    • 4 Comments
    It's strange after the comment yesterday that I was calling Amber a non-believer then I read 1 John 2:3 this morning- the next chapter in my reading order. "This is how we know Him: if we keep His commandments." That is what I have been...
  • October 25, 2018

    • 5 Comments
    Uneventful day yesterday, which was a relief. I was lazy and played games while Allison (6) slept. She hasn't been feeling good the last couple days. I missed church because I had to stay home with her. Becca (15) went to her mom's house to work...
  • October 24, 2018

    • 3 Comments
    I'm doing well today. I'm continuing the pattern of reading a chapter a day in my Bible. 2 Peter chapter 3 is a good chapter talking about the second coming of Christ, which it seems about 90% of the word thinks is hogwash. It's very upsetting...
  • October 23, 2018

    • 3 Comments
    Yesterday I went to the gym with Caleb (17) and Becca (15) and had kind of a lazy workout. Allison (6) was with us and she was tired so we had to leave a little early. When I took Nick (15) to school yesterday morning he was high. I could smell weed all...
  • October 22, 2018

    • 3 Comments
    I have been trying to live my life in silence and wait for my covenant wife to come to God on her own but sometimes I can't even do that because even in silence I seem to get the blame. Matthew 5:11 says Blessed are you when people insult you and...
  • October 19, 2018

    What to say today? I'm worried about my children. Trinity (14) has done such a bad thing. Using the situation to her advantage is immediately gratifying to her but what a terrible lesson she has learned. Then for Amber to buy her a new phone and a...
  • October 18, 2018

    • 6 Comments
    God gave me peace last night and I slept better than I have for a long time. It really feels like I've given everything to Him. We'll see in the next few weeks. There was still a lot of disturbing thing go on throughout the day though. Trinity...
  • October 17, 2018

    • 5 Comments
    Yesterday I had to do another 180 in the opposite direction. I finally have to listen to Tim. After all these months. When Tracey put up the thing yesterday comparing my covenant wife to the Prodigal Son I realized that it's my job to continue what...
  • October 16, 2018

    • 7 Comments
    Yesterday Becca (15) and Trinity (14) had dentist appointments. Since Trinity no longer lives with me I let Amber know and she made arrangements for her mom to take her. Becca texted me and said grandma would take her too so I didn't have to miss...
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