What is going on? I'm trying so hard to do the right thing but things just seem to keep getting worse. Things get worse before they get better but how worse? This morning I read a devotional that talked about irretrievable relationships. They aren't irretrievable because with God all things are possible. I can't see it but it must be true if that is God's word. But what do I need to do?

Yesterday I took Trinity (14) and her friend to dinner. Trinity said something very disturbing to me. I was talking about how we used to be a big happy family and she said we all weren't happy. I asked her what she meant by that and she said I used to stay downstairs while she was upstairs getting hit in the face by Amber. She said she would try to sneak downstairs to tell me but Amber would catch her and make her go back to her room. It's almost impossible to believe because I don't see how something like that could happen right in front of me and me not be aware of it.  My entire understanding of everything that is happening is broken. I don't know what is going on anymore. What was real? What was pretend? Who is lying? Who is telling the truth?

The day before yesterday Nick (15) said Amber used to punch him in the face when he would walk out of his bedroom and make him go back into his room. One time his friend witnessed it and went and told his dad. His dad said that sucks but there's not much he can do about it. Nothing was ever done about it and I was unaware that things like this were happening in my house. I'm completely mind blown right now.

Trinity also said that Amber was talking about her boyfriend and said she can't believe he likes her even though she has six children. I had a lot of thoughts about that but I said nothing. I think Amber is still in limerence over this guy and sees no wrong in what she has done or is doing. This guy hasn't experienced what it's like to have six kids because he has never been around them. The kids don't go around him or Amber and haven't since this started. I don't think he would feel the same if he had to deal with the entire family on a daily basis. 

So these are thoughts I am having. I am not reacting to them. Just putting them on paper so they are out there. I control myself. I will do what I need to do to protect myself and my children. I will continue to pray for Amber and for her mom and stepdad even after I was blasted on Facebook by her stepdad a few days ago. He doesn't understand. None of them do. I actually have the best view of this situation because I get feedback from almost all sides. I know what the kids say and think for the most part. I have a clearer understanding than anyone around. I just hope I can continue to manage everything because I really do feel like giving up.