At some point you just become numb to all of this. I really can't imagine divorce going any worse than this.

I received a call from my attorney a few minutes ago and I guess my ex called him about the online banking thing from a few days ago. She said I took away her access to pay the bills she was court ordered to pay. She told him that she uses our Kroger VISA to pay the mortgage online which is absolutely incorrect. I told him that she has no idea what she is doing financially and she has no idea what she is talking about. I told him that she lies constantly, to me, to our children, to him and to everyone she encounters.

She was court ordered to pay both of those bills which are held by US Bank. I let her use MY online banking to make it convenient to pay but she changed my credentials and locked me out of my own account without my knowledge, so I called customer service and got it changed so I can access it. Now she is mad because she can't access it. Everything was working just fine until SHE decided to change this stuff. She did this to herself. She also told him that she asked me for the new login credentials and I sent her a Bible sermon which he says isn't proper. I said I can send Bible sermons to anyone I want and nothing on earth is going to stop me. My attorney said this is ridiculous and we need to communicate better. I told him I do not have to communicate with her at all because I don't trust her and again there is nothing on earth that can make me do that because she has done horrible things to me and our kids in the last year.

I told her a long time ago that if she wants to communicate with me she will have to go to counseling and we will talk in front of her therapist. She also has to stop her adulterous affair, which will always be adultery because she started it while married to me. I told him we wouldn't even be having this conversations in the first place if she had refinanced all the debt she was ordered to pay to remove my name from it because that's exactly what the court order says. It's been seven months and even though my credit is fantastic I can't get a mortgage or a consolidation loan because she has refused to comply with her own court order and I believe it's in order to control me. She just needs to let me go.

I've kept my mouth shut about everything outside of this journal for seven months now but this is getting ridiculous. I can't raise my children properly and they are suffering because of her sins. This is completely unacceptable. My attorney is going to call me back later and I am going to tell him this needs done:

I need full custody of my four oldest kids because they all live with me full time.

I need the adoption subsidy because the kids are with me for the majority of the time.

I need the money from her 401(k) which I am entitled to.

I need all the debt she was court ordered to pay out of my name.

For now I need to move on with my life, take care of my children and continue to pray for her.