I hope this site doesn't end up crashing. I've been having terrible trouble with it lately.

So.... divorced Christmas is not fun. I have been drained emotionally and financially. I didn't have a Christmas tree. I didn't get my kids anything for Christmas. We didn't have Christmas dinner. They could have went to their mother's for all of this stuff but, even though I asked them to and even though I tried to talk them into just moving into our old big house with their mother, they stayed with me and we watched movies and ate noodles. I'm sad for my kids because I want more for them but I can't financially do anything right now. We got an adoption subsidy when we adopted them and the court awarded that to their mother even though the four oldest live with me full time and the two youngest are with me every other week. So I struggle to buy them food and she just pockets that $2,700/month. I am meeting with my attorney tomorrow to try to get that changed because I simply can't raise six children on my own. I don't want to go back to court. I don't want to fight her. I want my family back. But I have no choice because we can't continue to live like this. I've had all six of them since Christmas day and it's been hectic. Where or what she has been doing is beyond me. I don't understand how she accepts this in her mind. She has to miss her kids but how does she continue to live like everything is fine? The court did give me legal custody of our adopted son, Nick (15.) He was forced to live with her even though she beat him two years ago and he has been acting out since then, failing and skipping school. He's been with me since Christmas and you honestly couldn't ask for a better kid. It's so weird how everything about him changes when he is in a loving environment. The kids complain about her daily. I'm out of support for them. When I say she will change someday they no longer believe me. She even tried to get them to go to her boyfriend's Christmas dinner and they all said no way but she continues to ask them things like this and I have to constantly listen to them complain. Two of our girls told me she lied to them this week. I love this woman and I always will no matter what she has done to me and our children but I'm at my wit's end. I have to get out of this town and away from her.