Collaborate without boundaries

December 31, 2018

  • Comments 1

I still feel like there will never be an end to this. I know I am partially doing this to myself because I can't let go of the pain she caused me. There are so many negative aspects of divorce. I see why God hates divorce.

Financially, I can't last much longer. I've been using my credit card to survive and maybe my tax refund can get me even on that but unless something gets changed very soon I am not going to be able to take care of my children now that I have four of them living with me full time and the other two are with me every other week. I just don't see how their mother still lives with what she has done. She rarely ever sees her own children and it doesn't seem to faze her. She sat in the meeting about our son Thursday and denied his feelings of loneliness (he told the people in attendance he felt alone at her house since the his siblings live with me.) She overlooked his thoughts and feelings and made excuses to overshadow them. I just don't get it.

I don't understand how a mother lives her life seeing her children once every couple weeks for no more than an hour at a time. It's baffling.

Caleb (18) hates our rental house because it's so small and now Nick (15) is living with us, however, even when I suggested to him he go live with his mother he said no. Caleb still blames Nick for getting taken away by CPS on May 24, 2016. He can't reconcile in his head that Nick is a victim and his mother is at fault for beating Nick in to the emergency room that day. He says Nick deserved what happened to him but I can't get Caleb to understand that no child should ever be beaten for any reason. Caleb will be going off to college in about nine months and I don't know how that is going to work. I certainly have no money to pay for anything college related. He's getting a bunch of scholarship money because he's an excellent student but I still don't see how this is possible. 

Becca (16) just got her driver's license so she is enjoying that. I let her take the car to drive around with friends. We always told these kids we would help them get a car when they turn sixteen but I can't now. $10,000 on a divorce attorney and $50,000 on attorneys to defend myself from what my wife did to Nick, getting us both in legal trouble, has destroyed me financially. I can't help her get a car and her mother says neither can she. Which I know is a lie because her mother pockets all of the kids adoption subsidy even though they live with me 75% of the time. Once again I'm going to be sunk unless my attorney gets this financial situation fixed. Becca was mad at her mother yesterday because she said she talked to her Saturday about taking her clothes to her house on Sunday to wash them so she could save me laundromat money. She packed up the clothes Sunday and drove to her mother's to find out her mother wasn't there. She was forty minutes away at the boyfriend's house. Becca came back to me and said her mom lied to her. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I know her mother just keeps damaging the the mother/daughter relationship because she continually chooses this guy over her children.

Nick has been doing great the last three days. He's been very respectful and is getting along great with the other kids. I haven't had a problem out of him. I just hope once school starts back he will take it seriously and cooperate each morning when we get up to go.

Trinity (14) has been doing well. I asked her why she has basically moved back in with me even though she has a nice room in our old house that her mother has. She wouldn't answer me. I just don't know what is going on inside her head but she chooses a life of poverty with me over a life of luxury with her mother. It has me very confused.

Aleigha (11) has been doing well, at least on the surface. She's been spending the night with a friend off and on. She tells me a lot about how her friend and her friend's mom are living with a guy that is abusive at times. I told her to keep me well informed since I let her stay there every now and then. She was mad Saturday because she said they went out to get something to eat and she called her mother asking if she could stop by and get some of her Christmas money. Her mother told her she wasn't home but Aleigha said they drove by her house and the boyfriend's car was there. She questioned her mom about it and her mom asked he if she was stalking her. I don't get all this lying to the kids. I don't get anything that has happened in the last two years.

Allison (6) is stuck in between all of this. I can't in good conscience let her think that the relationship her mother has is in any way acceptable since it started as an affair so I tell her to stay away from the guy. I don't allow my children to be around him and it will never be okay for them to.

This is going to cause a terrible problem one day because I will never agree to him being a part of their weddings or any other family celebration. It is just unacceptable. He was a huge part of the ruination of our family.

I imagine the only thing my ex has to keep her sanity after abandoning her entire family is to rely on this guy she cheated with even more than ever. Since there is a very good statistical chance that relationship won't last I don't know what she is going to do when it does end. It has to feel horrible to rarely ever see your children. I just don't see how she does it.

  • Is anyone else having trouble logging on?  This is the first time for a long time I have been able to, even trying several times a day.

    The daughter that is spending time at the house with abuse....Should she be spending time there?  Even if she knows abuse is wrong, it is imprinting her mind.  Like coming from a d mom and dad, it can have effects on a child.  I know you don't have much room, but could the child come to your house instead?

    Rejoice the kids are choosing goodness (you) over money (her).  They know what they need, a foundation that you are part of.

    I understand you do not want them to see him at all. I would feel the same.  But, what's the difference between what she did and he did?  The both committed adultery.  the kids may see that and think, if I shouldn't see him, maybe I shouldn't see mom.  I don't know the solution.  But, the kids are to honor there mother, (but not her wrongdoings).

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