I spent a little while yesterday crying so hard I felt it in my soul. I received a call from Nick's (15) social worker saying the judge ordered Nick to live with me, giving me temporary custody. I told Becca (16) and Trinity (14) and they were mad. They said Nick steals their stuff and they don't want him around. They said can't you say no? I said I probably can but what kind of father would I be? I still haven't told Caleb (18) because I know he is going to be mad. He blames Nick for destroying our family. I felt like the world was collapsing on me. I will now have all four older kids living with me and the two younger ones every other week. The problem is Amber gets all the adoption subsidy. I CAN'T survive like this. It's impossible. I can't feed and clothe six children on my salary. My attorney is working on revisiting the financial situation after the six month mark from the d, which will be 12/29/18. I have to somehow make it until he gets that done. He told me to keep track of the amount of time the kids spend with each of us and as of today they spend 62.72% of their time with me and 35.45% with Amber. The judge should make changes to the adoption subsidy and child support to more favorably reflect that so I can properly care for these children.

Nick messaged me on the way home from court and said his attorney made Amber cry and she was crying harder than he's ever seen on the way home. I told him this has all been her choice and we all have to reap what we sow. I don't know what to think anymore about what she is feeling. I don't really trust when she acts like this now because it's all been so fake in the last two years. It confuses my own emotions.