Collaborate without boundaries

December 18, 2018

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This trial. These trials. Sometimes I wonder if there is ever an end. Last night Nick (15) messaged me and said his attorney was going to suggest he live with me. I said okay, we will do whatever we can to make it through this. If all the kids are living with me surely the state would give me the adoption subsidy so I can take care of them properly. Right now I am living on credit cards until this financial situation gets fixed since I've had the kids 2/3 of the time since Amber got her d. I spend way more money on them than she does and I can't continue this for much longer. But, it appears that Nick ran away again. The social worker texted me this morning and asked if I knew where he was because he has been missing since 11:00 last night. I'm at a loss. I thought Nick and I had this in the bag last night. I told him he can live with me and we can play video games all the time. He seemed excited but then does this. I know he's scared and doesn't trust the system but this is probably the last nail in the coffin. He doesn't trust me anymore since I called the police last week when he was talking about suicide. The kid is just lost.

Becca (16) and Trinity (14) met some new boys. Foreign exchange students. And that's all they think about. They are are going to another one of their basketball games tonight. They originally planned on going to Amber's house to help her clean in exchange for getting their nails done but I guess that's off now. Yesterday they told me they were going to save me some money by getting their mom to pay for their nails. Today they are going to this game. Teenage girls. SMH. 

I'm going to go bankrupt soon if something doesn't happen with the finances. I can't keep up with the amount of food these kids eat. $600-$800/month. That's a big chunk of my budget. I have to sit down soon and make some budget changes, cut out cable and some other things. 

This life is something else. On top of the world with a big beautiful family one minute and nothing the next.


Nick snapped me around 2:00 and said he was in his room. He said he went to a friends last night because he assumes he is going to get sent away today. I have to assume the same thing now. I don't think there is any chance for him.

  • I've had that same thought. When do the trials eve end?  Is this what God wants of me/us?  Misery after misery?  But look at Job.  He  was hit with misery.  And his life ended up being very fruitful.  But, even if our life is always clouded by trials, we got a great eternity I pray that is waiting for us. But, even in this life, as we seek God, He promises us divine providence. I looked at all the trials  I went through before this marital trial. And every one of them turned out to open a door to something better.  But yet each new trial keeps me going to darkness.  But, with the marital trial, I have learned to snap out  of it quicker than ever before, or not even go to darkness.

  • I would certainly say cut out cable and those types of services.  Even the girls nails.  Explain they can either eat or have  pretty nails.  Could you humble yourself and communicate your financial predicament and ask her  for a partial of the adoption subsidy to cover some or all of the  food cost?  

    Maybe we should realize we should be rejoicing  in these trials.  We are to rejoice always in Him.  I cant say I can do that now.  Maybe that's why trials keep coming  my way.  Until I learn.  

    There is always hope for  Nick.  It may not become evident today, but there is hope for all your children.  they see you standing for what  God wants.  and it will strike them one day when they are adults and facing their own trials.  

    Keep in your testimony.  As you are doing.

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