Collaborate without boundaries

December 3, 2018

  • Comments 1

I've been listening to the kids and not saying anything negative. It's frustrating to listen to them complain and feel like there is nothing I can do to make things better for them besides just be there when they need me. Nick (15) messaged me a little while ago and told me Allison (6) looks like she hasn't slept much. I got upset because I assumed Amber and/or her parents said something about me not getting her to bed on time. I told him that she was fed, bathed and in bed by 9:00 every night. He said okay and he was just wondering. I still think they must have said something to him. I'm likely making most of this up in my head but I know these people well and it sounds like something they would say, not something a fifteen year old kid would.

Trinity (14) called me a bit ago and said she was going to go to Amber's house to get some clothes but grandma won't come and get her. So she's upset. My guess would be that grandma is mad because Trinity hasn't been coming around for the last week. Something childish probably. I continue to hate all of this for my kids because we have fun together and it only ends when things like this happen. It takes a toll on all of us. I concentrate on enjoying time with the kids but it's really hard not to get upset when my they are complaining to me how they are being treated.

Caleb (18) asked me about getting a different vehicle since his isn't very reliable. I told him we could but he may have to pay a couple hundred dollars a month. He said "Mom isn't going to be too happy after paying $6,800 to get the Jetta fixed." I said I'm not happy that my twenty year marriage ended but that's life. He took that negatively and said it's obvious I'm not happy but we can't take it out on her. I told him I don't wish anything negative on her but this is how our lives are now and I really don't trust that car. I tried to get both of them to trade it in last year. I've been dealing with this lug nut thing for the past week, trying to order new ones, after his tire fell off last Monday and now the special socket broke and I have to get one of those from somewhere. None of this stuff is sold locally because we are from the middle of nowhere. He has no idea how frustrated I am dealing with this car and worrying about him driving half a mile a day with four lugs on each tire.

I haven't talked to Amber in a month but I've heard more about her than I would like. The kids are always telling me what she's up to, people at church, people at work. I don't know what I can do besides wear around a sign that says I don't want to hear about what she is doing.

  • Great job not talking negative.  But, I hope you realize throwing that out there, I'm not happy about a 20 yr marriage ending is also something you should not say.  It's in a round about way throwing that right in her face and putting the kids' mother down in front of them.  It is not showing kindness.

    Speaking of talking negatively, which I have to do a much better job in this regard, let the kids know you have been putting effort in this area. And it is time for the family to put the no negative talk into practice.  so, if they have a legitimate complaint or need to get something off there chest, it's okay to make a quick point but going over that is turning into talking about other behind there backs.  

    It is so tough hearing that stuff non stop.  teach the kids about staying out of the negativity room.  And forgiving and loving those that do the things that upset them.  

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