Collaborate without boundaries

November 29, 2018

  • Comments 4

I slipped up once yesterday. Trinity (14) said something about Amber while we were watching The Voice and I said "Well she cheated on me." I don't remember exactly what prompted me to say that but it came out and I immediately regretted it. The rest of the evening I did really good listening to the kids vent and just validated their feelings without getting emotionally involved. Trinity wanted me to drop her off at Amber's while I went to church so she could pack some clothes to stay with me. She said Amber was all over her asking what she did to make her want to leave. Trinity told her she spent three weeks with her and just wanted to stay with me for a while. Trinity also said her grandma was driving her insane. I suppose she just wants to get away from the craziness for a while. When I picked Trinity up after church (around 8:00) her grandma was just leaving. I would bet she spends at least twenty hours per week helping Amber with the kids. Amber also asked Trinity and Becca (15) to come over and help decorate the Christmas tree but they told her no.

I talked to Nick (15) a little. I asked him why he lied to the social worker. He didn't give me a reason. He said he just lied about a couple things. As of yesterday he's missed seven straight days of school. He doesn't even ask me for rides to school anymore and Amber just leaves for work and doesn't even attempt to get him there. It's sad what has become of this kid. He doesn't deserve this. I still feel like that social worker didn't take me seriously. I have told the truth to every single person lately and nobody takes me seriously. I have the bitter ex stereotype and not one single word that comes out of my mouth is considered. The only option I have is to keep my mouth shut and let the chips fall. The kids bio mom has been trying to figure out what is going on with this drug situation and how to stop this guy who is supplying the drugs. Someone else I was talking to said this guy was known around our town for selling to kids. It's pretty ridiculous that someone can be known like this and still be in business. 

I asked Aleigha (11) if she and Allison (6) wanted to go to church yesterday (like I do every time Amber has them) and they did but said Amber had them out of town so they couldn't. I would do anything in this world to have my family back but I don't think it will ever happen. I'm not being negative, just realistic. Amber has too much pride and she will NEVER admit she has been wrong about anything. I know her too well.
  • The word never.....Do you think the Israelites said we will never get out of this mess when their backs were against the Red Sea?  And if they did, what did God do?

    Don't say never.  It can be a way of showing a lack of faith. And a lack of faith can figuratively tie God's hands together to limit what He will do.  

    It's tough not blurting out things like, well she cheated on me.  I want to say things to the kids all the time.  And I fall short so I am also pointing the finger at me.  But, watch how you phrase things as well as what you say.  You can say something about her in neutral words but with a tone that implies criticism. Even our facial expressions can speak louder that the words we say.

  • It is so tough to let the kids keep venting about her. And remain quiet or not saying anything to add fuel to the fire.

    But, the less you say things like She cheated on me, the less you focus on the bible saying a d is wrong, etc, the less they may vent.  And the less they vent the less you will say negative things about their mother.  

    I know you and I want to promote biblical truths, but the kids are very clear a d is wrong.  Begin, if you aren't , sharing verses about love, love your enemies, forgiveness, etc.  

  • YOu've mentioned in the past you tell the kids they are not to be around him.  I would feel the same way.  But, what she and he did is not against man's law. And you can not change that.  In our lives we do put God's law above man's law, but it is impossible to enforce society or your kids not to see him.

    I'm not sure what I am really trying to say here.  And what i typed doesn't really make sense I am sure.  

    It will be a struggle to keep them from being near him.  And it may add more stress to the kids and you tryig to enforce it.  

    Also, just make sure pride and revenge aren't part of keeping your kids from him.

    Again, I am sure I would feel/do the same , strongly wanting the kids never to see him.  

  • The Israelites complained so much after they were led out of Egypt. That's a good analogy to how I feel. Just last night I thought about what I should be thankful for and not what I should be complaining about. I also read this morning that there is no fear in love so I know also I need to simply show love to eliminate the fears I have.

Page 1 of 1 (4 items)