Collaborate without boundaries

November 28, 2018

  • Comments 2

I spoke to the social worker yesterday over the phone and I feel like I was blown off. The first thing she asked me was why do I think Nick (15) is behaving the way he is. I told her he has been abused his whole life. Before adoption and after. She just changed the subject when I said that. I answered all the questions she asked me truthfully and it revealed to me that Nick just lied to her. He told her he doesn't do drugs and he hasn't seen his parents in years. I told him he had to tell the truth in order to get help but he lied. Now I'm sure she doesn't know which one of us is telling the truth so it complicates things further. I suggested that I think he has just given up on life because of all that has happened to him and our family dynamics makes it impossible for him to have a good life. She asked me what I thought the best solution for him is. I said the best solution is for his mother and father to raise him together in a loving home but that has been destroyed so I'm lost. I don't know what is best because there's only one positive solution for any of these kids but their mother refuses in order to fulfill her own selfish desires.

Then his bio mother contacted me this morning and said she was talking to Nick and Nick sent her a picture of Trinity (14) that looks like she is on drugs. I'm so lost. I don't know how I got here. I told her when the kids are with me they do not do anything like this. She said she has messages from Amber that she is going to give to Child Protective Services. One message has Amber telling her she gave Nick alcohol then called the cops on him once he was drunk. She also says she has a voice recording of Amber telling Nick to go outside if he wants to smoke his weed. I was told months ago by Amber's family to step back because if you give someone enough rope they will eventually hang themselves. All I ever wanted was to fix this. I tried to play God but it didn't work. I didn't let God work and now I've created an impossible mess. 

I'm going to tell the kids tonight, based on the advice of my therapist, that if I say anything about their mother to stop me. I have to stop pointing out her mistakes and agreeing with what they say about her. I need to validate their feelings and not have any input. If I love my kids I need to keep my emotions out of their lives.

  • Make one change about saying anything about their mother.  Say good things about her when appropriate.  

    You've mentioned you've messed this up before.  Let go of that talk an thought process.  Evil always wants you looking back and thinking if only I didn't do this or I was that way non of this would happen.

    It was her choice and her selfishness and her way of the world that caused all of this trial.  None of us were the best of spouses, but our spouses are the ones that chose to follow their flesh.  

    Hold your head high that you are standing for her in the lessons of the dares.  

  • If you haven't, read Adrian's last post about forgiveness/unforgiveness.  

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