Collaborate without boundaries

November 21, 2018

  • Comments 5

I so appreciate this community. I appreciate every person who has read my journal. I appreciate all those who have prayed for me. I appreciate Tim for kindly responding to all of my journals. Even though sometimes his advice is not what I WANT to hear, it's what I NEED to hear. Josh has been very helpful too, and Tessy. So many people legitimately concerned about me and others. I've become much closer to God in the last two years. I wish my family had survived this and I wish Amber and our kids had the faith I now do but the devil, in part, got his way. I'm trying to live my life as righteously as possible but I'm still hung up on forgiveness. I still can't let go of the adultery. God will slowly get me through this, I know, but it is a constant struggle.

The interview with the social worker has been moved to next Tuesday, after the holiday. I'm scared about what could happen because Nick (15) has already told her he was abused by Amber and she even went to Allison's (6) school and interviewed her. Allison told her mommy gets drunk all the time, beats Nick and cheated on daddy. This could cause a lot of trouble. My part in it is that I refuse to accept Amber's boyfriend and, even though I have every right to be against it because it started when we were married, the government says I don't have any right to discredit the relationship and they could potentially take my children from me. Possible from both of us but that is a very unlikely scenario. I'm sticking to my guns though and I'm going to answer this lady's questions truthfully and avoid being the bitter ex. I am still bitter but I try not to let it affect me that much. I do, however, want to protect my children and based on their mother's past it's highly likely she could hurt them.

Nick (15) never went to see his bio parents. He's still mad at his mom. He messaged me yesterday that he was going to go beat some kid up who is asking his sister, Trinity (14), for nude pictures. I told him it's a bad idea but he doesn't listen. Thankfully it didn't happen because the kid had four friends with him. Nick did miss three days of school last week. I almost guarantee he's going to get sent off to a group home depending on what happens with this truancy thing going on right now.
I hope to take all the kids to Thanksgiving tomorrow. It's with Amber's bio father's family. They want me to bring the kids. It's about two hours away from home and there's no way I will be able to have them back in time to do this 3:00 holiday switch over according to the court order. I guess I'll face the consequences if she decides to complain about it. I just don't think the kids should have ever had to go through this and it isn't fair to them.
  • I love you as a brother in the Lord Eddie. Thank you. I have really appreciated things you have said to me too, and am thankful for this community also.

    The forgiveness thing will keep you on the wrong side of reconciliation as long as you keep it up. Surrender it to God and let him work it out in you. Remember that he cares for you and wants to have a better relationship with you, but you are pushing him away by your unwillingness to forgive.

    I know for myself that I have to forgive daily sometimes, it isn't easy, but it is freeing.

  • Thanks for your kind words.  I think you indicated in someone's post that you doing the dares wrong caused the d.  That is surely not true at all.  I promise, I did the dares far worse than just about anyone if not everyone.  I didn't try to do the dares poorly, but I really, really did.  

    Do not answer this, but think of this....Have you ever looked at another woman with lust?  I doubt there are many people that can say no.  So, if you have, doesn't Jesus said you have committed adultery?  Does Jesus really differentiate you commiting adultery in your heart with her adultery?  

    So, if you want Jesus to forgive your adultery (on multiple accounts because if you are like most of us, you have looked at lust at many, many women) then you must forgive her.

  • I never forgave anyone in my life, including the kid that borrowed a pencil in second grade and never gave it back.  I held grudges and never let them go.

    But, whether I read it or the thought came to me, this is what helped me to forgive her, the first act of forgiveness ever.  

    I thought, if I can share God's love with her, then I can take the forgiveness that Jesus always offers me, and give it to her.  I can share Jesus's forgiveness with her.  I can not create love but share it, so if I can't forgive on my own because I am so full of the flesh, I can distribute Jesus's forgiveness with others, including her.

    And man, that was the first time I ever felt weight just fall off of my shoulders.  

    Now, I pray that if I ever find out she was in physical relationship(s) that I can still forgive.

    I don't think you can forgive Eddie.  But I know you can take Christ's forgiveness and offer it to her, and him.  And when you do, you will be freed.

  • If Nick gets sent to a group home, God can use that to relieve stress in his life and in the rest of the families as well.  

    Some of the stress (conviction) he feels is he knows he's making wrong choices because he can get away with it, due to her parenting.  And when he's bound by rules such as in a home, he will be able to let his guard down and not have to connive to find ways of trying to be cool and break the rules.

    I am not saying I want him in another home, but if it happens, God can use it for his good since you love Him.

  • I remember we took a little boy,maybe 5 years old to the park with our kids. For a full half hour he just pushed us breaking all the rules we set out for him. don't wander off, don't be selfish and take turns on the slide,stay within eyes sight, etc.  After a half hour, he realized the rules were to be followed, and you could just see him destress at that point, and then you saw a regular 5 yr old have fun like he should.

    The same can happen for Nick, if he's put where rules can be enforced, he may break down and realize he can't get away with drugs, skipping school, etc.  And he may destress and be what you want out of your son.

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