Collaborate without boundaries

November 19, 2018

  • Comments 4

Tomorrow is going to be a rough day. Friday Nick (15) was interviewed by a social worker who is working on something called a CAPS assessment that has come about because of his truancy. It supposedly measures his level of PTSD. He told this social worker that Amber has been physically abusing him for years and then she called me to set up an interview. She is a mandated reporter so, because Nick made accusations of abuse, she is required to report the abuse. So tomorrow I have to meet with her and she is going to ask me all kinds of questions. Amber and I did one of these in 2016 with this exact same lady when our children were taken away. At that time Amber told her that Nick was lying and I backed her up because I believed my wife, even though there was one time I did see her attack him in 2012. I stopped it that time and tried to control the situation myself but now it has gotten way out of hand and I don't trust her around our children because she won't take responsibility for any of it and I'm no longer around to protect them from her.

I'm also upset because this lady apparently went to Allison's (6) school and interviewed her but she hasn't spoken to any of our older children yet. She asked Allison about the divorce and if Amber ever hits Nick. Allison said she told her mommy is always drunk and cheated on daddy and hits Nick a lot. Allison doesn't need to be subjected to anything like this. I don't have a clue how this is going to turn out but I'm going to tell the truth about what I've seen and what I've heard from the kids. To be honest Amber does not need to be around our children until she gets professional help. I hate to think that about a woman I spent twenty years with but that's my reality. She has physically abused five of our six children and someone needs to stop her before it can happen again. 

I have also been in contact with the kids bio mother. She said Amber has been telling her all kinds of terrible things about me such as I beat her. Lie. The kids have also been telling her what has been going on in the last few months. She said from what the kids tell her she thinks Amber should have no rights to the children. She said Nick was going to go stay a few days with her but he got mad at her for something and decided not to. Now she's upset and Nick is too. They are both telling me different stories so who knows what is going on. She also told Amber that the kids have been coming to see her behind her back. Apparently Trinity (14) wanted Amber to know, which is now a whole story in itself.

Apparently Trinity and Amber have been arguing a lot. Aleigha (11) said that Trinity told Amber that she will just come back and live with me after one of their arguments. I'm guessing this is why Trinity wanted Amber to know she has been going to see her bio mother- to hurt Amber. Kids can be ruthless when it comes to hurting their parents. I've learned this the hard way. Trinity texted me a couple times this weekend. She hasn't talked to me much since moving out a few weekends ago. She said the next time I do something with her brothers and sisters to invite her. I think she is slowly realizing she made a mistake.

Aleigha asked to stay with a friend this weekend and I let her. Then when I picked her up she wanted to go to another friend's house. I asked her why she constantly wants to go visit friends when she is in my custody and she said her mom doesn't let her go anywhere and forces her to sit and watch tv and movies with her. I rolled my eyes. It doesn't bother me that she wants to go to her friends but it does bother me that she said she is being forced to do something she doesn't want to do.

I want so desperately to love this woman but she has made this impossible. I still pray for her twice a day and I know God hears my prayers but she just resists everything godly. Myself? I need prayers for strength and wisdom even now. I need God to lead me through this.

  • All I can do is pray for your family.  I have nothing to add that you don't already know.  

    You can love her as God loves her.  It doesn't mean you like her or even want to see her while she's like this, but you can love her by sharing the love God gives you with her.

    Jesus loved the person that spit in His face.  Jesus loved Pontius Pilot even though he handed Him over.  Jesus loved the person that pounded the spikes in his limbs.  You can lover her like Jesus loved Judas.  

  • I'm sure you have, but remember to pray for wisdom to know what to say and courage to say what you should (and should not) say in the questioning tomorrow.  

    Eddie, I know with God all is manageable, but man, you do have so much thrown at you.  Praise God that He is more than strong enough to keep you going in the right direction.  For who do you know, who can you point to that would still be doing as well as you are as you continue to stand?  I bet you can't name many or even any people or person that would keep in the right path like you are.

  • So, humbly hold your head high and in dignity knowing that you are holding your head up high for Christ, your children, and your wife.  You are the leader that is leading them to Christ.  Keep doing just that.

  • Live prayerfully in Christ's integrity and stand firm. This is all any of us can do.

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