Collaborate without boundaries

September 14, 2018

  • Comments 4

The central air unit broke yesterday so its 85 degrees in the house. The kids and I are so uncomfortable. It's probably going to take a few days to fix because parts have to be ordered. To spite this I slept pretty well last night. I only woke up once and got back to sleep quicker than normal. 

I took the girls shopping yesterday. Trinity (14) still needs a dress for homecoming and Aleigha (11) just needed some clothes to keep at my house. I would much rather Amber take them shopping because I am terrible at it but the girls will not go with her. I have no idea about fashion so I'm kinda lost.

I haven't had any contact with Amber since she texted me Tuesday and the kids have not said a thing about her. This is what helps me get through the days. If I hear nothing and know nothing then there is no way I can get upset. As stupid as it is, because of all the things she has done to me and our children, I still love her. It doesn't make any sense to me. How? Why? She did terrible things but if she would stop and admit everything and change I could easily forgive her. But forgiveness is not FOR her it's for me so why am I having a problem with it? Why do I want her to show remorse? Why is it so important to me for her to take responsibility? I don't have answers to any of this.

When I picked up Allison (6) yesterday after work she got in the car and said "Grandma said you need to put me to bed earlier. That's why I am so tired." I told her to tell grandma to mind her own business. Grandma has no idea what has happened to my life. I basically have the kids 24/7 and she sees them for an hour a day during the week slightly more when Amber has them even though Amber is either at work late or with her boyfriend. Amber only has the kids on paper 33% of the time overall and that's mainly because Nick (15) lives there against his will but the kids say she is never home and never does anything with them. None of that family has a clue how hard my life is, being a single dad full time to three teenagers and every other week to the two youngest. I honestly don't think any of that family could stand in my shoes. That's why its aggravating to hear their grandma saying things like that, trying to make me look bad to my kids. I asked Caleb (17) if he heard his grandma say anything like that because he goes there every day after school to swim and he said he hears things like that every now and then but he said it doesn't matter because we all know the truth. He also pointed out that I tell the kids that the boyfriend is not a good person so I'm doing the same thing. He's kind of right but I feel like I'm pointing out the truth (this guy came in and destroyed my family- and his own at the same time) while their grandma is just stating her own opinion to make me look bad.

I am going on a road trip this Saturday with Becca (15) and Trinity. We are going to pick up a waterbed I found for sale on Facebook. Looking forward to a seven hour drive with them. We are probably going to make it a 90's music themed trip.

Now, I was thinking seriously about everything after a conversation with a guy from Australia ,who seems like he is in the same position as Amber is in that he doesn't see his children. He's in one of my online support groups. He hasn't seen his twin thirteen year old girls for about six months after his divorce three years ago. He says it just got too nasty and they were being hurt too bad so he just hopes and prays that they understand someday that he loves them and they will come to him. Of course the situation is different. He didn't abuse his kids but he still feels the pain of their absence. That pain has to be overwhelming and it is according to him. Amber has to be feeling this pain, if not now then soon. I tried to tell them to respect her and do things with her but it's like saying do as I say not as I do because I don't respect her or cooperate with her and I don't think I ever will. The wound is too deep and she is the only one who can heal it. I know for a fact that God is there for me and He wants me to simply show her love but my humanness won't allow it. 

  • You share wisdom and testimony on this site.  You do the same on other sites.  You enjoyed speaking in front of your church congregation.  You feel you may have a calling to preach God's word.  

    So...what do you need to do to strengthen your testimony to more effectively share Christ?  

    Your humanness is keeping you from the changes you need to make.  Do not idolize in a way that your humanness is above the strength and courage God is willing to give you to make the changes.

    He's already given you wisdom.  Now grab ahold of the strength and courage to do what must be done in you.

  • Why even ask Caleb what he hears about you from his grandma?  Does it matter or change things that you need to do?  Isn't asking him questions like that a way of snooping?  You know how snooping leads to nothing good.

  • Eddie,

    My brother... you still harbor it all because you are not letting God, you really need to focus prayer on the ability to forgive, and let go about the affair. I know to the flesh it doesn’t make sense, and I certainly know with emotions and feelings it doesn’t make sense. But until you let go and let God, it is going to eat you alive. And it will certainly hinder your walk with Christ.

    Now don’t get me wrong, I completely understand how you feel. But you have Christ, and with that you are to give Him all your hurts, habits, hangups concerns and worries.

    And as long as your heart is this bitter, and not able to forgive, your heart will reflect that and your kids pick up on it. So, you hit the nail on the head about do as I said not as I do. But the problem is, they will do what you do.

    As for grandma, your response was negative, and that is certainly not the way to go. A response of yes, you do need to go to bed earlier but sometimes all the things we need to do each day has made it a little difficult. Or something. Quit worrying that all they do is to make you look bad. And even if true, God will have it used for good in His way. So trust in that.

    Prayer my friend and a lot of it.

  • I know Sean. It's a work in progress. I'm trying so hard to forgive. I really am. I spoke with a guy at church about it Sunday and he said it will take time but eventually I will get there. Tim I know I snooped and that's unlike me. As soon as Caleb answered me I knew I was wrong. It was unfair to even make him answer that question.

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