Collaborate without boundaries

September 13, 2018

  • Comments 5

I had a flood of emotions this morning. I dropped Allison (6) off at school and on the way to work I just burst into tears. I started thinking that I should have been dropping off Eden (4) also, her little sister we were set to adopt that we lost in 2016 after Amber beat Nick (15.) How on earth am I supposed to forgive her for this when she shows no remorse? I miss that baby girl so bad and those girls lost the opportunity to grow up with each other. Allison talks about Eden all the time and it hurts me to the core. This is all just unbearable pain. It just feels wrong to love a person who is capable of such evil and doesn't show any signs of regret. Maybe this is why she pushed her entire family away. Maybe she feels SO much regret that she can't deal with it. Whatever it is I cried so hard it hurt this morning. I want her to come to me and say "Look I messed up terribly and I would like you to help me fix this." It's just a dream though because she will never do that. I just can't be calm and talk to her when she goes about her everyday life as if nothing bad has happened in the last two years. My life is upside down, our children's lives are upside down, and even hers is but she can't see it. Every time she messages me all I see is a denial of wrongdoing. No matter what the message says. When her name pops up on my phone I expect to see "I'm sorry" or "I feel bad." Anything except every day chit chat. I just can't do it.

I guess Nick has just given up completely. The girls said he wasn't at school again today. If that's true then he's skipped about eight days in a row. I'm not even sure how that's possible. This kid's life has become meaningless. He doesn't deserve it. It's so hard not to blame Amber. Everything that has happened points straight at her. I can take some of the blame but how much? I wasn't a good husband. I really wasn't a good dad because I was too friendly with my kids. I wasn't good with money. I just wasn't good enough. It would have been nice to have some help. If Amber had been involved with me and the family instead of always working. Who knows? What's done is done. It's just me and the kids now. I just hope Nick gets through this so he can live with me some day. Maybe then I can help him.

  • Remember Eddie, that God through Jesus blood forgave us while we were still nailing him to the cross, he even let those in the old testiment come to righteousness before him just looking forward to the cross. Also her showing remorse? Isn't that having expectations?

  • Go to Rejoice Marriage Ministries and create an account if you haven't already. Post on the community share wall. These people will help you in all areas that you are struggling. Prayers

  • Eddie,

    Every time I read your posts, I see this anger, this hurt. And then today I realized it is just hurt. This is where in Christ you are missing something. I can’t put my finger on it yet. But in your walk with Christ through this journey... I have to ask. How much of the dare did you do? Did you complete the 40days? And did you complete them with her being the tool? I only ask because I was late to the game with your starting the dares.

  • Stop heaping  the burdens of the past and what's  to come of the future upon yourself.  We all have made mistakes in parenting, in our marriage, even the best of parents and spouses.  God does  not want you dwelling in the negativity of the past or anticipating the problems of the  future.  He just wants you now.  in the moment.  

    The world heaps enough coals upon our head.  Let the peace of Christ suffice.  It is sufficient.  

  • Sean I went through the dares twice and started on a third time but at that point she got a restraining order on me and I couldn't see her or my children for three months. The restraining order was bogus. She said I hit her in the face and I was no where near her. Completely fabricated but the court system ALWAYS believes the woman. Luckily our children were present and were witnesses. That's the only thing that saved me. I understand the dares and they helped me but I started them to get her back but soon realized that wasn't the point. I don't feel a bit angry at her. I actually feel sorry for her. She's lost in the world and there's nothing I can do about it. I also feel like she is a danger to herself and our children. I feel like I'm missing the ability to forgive. I just can't forgive someone who beat my children and denies it but I saw it with my own eyes. It can't be denied. I just want her to admit her problems and ask me to help her.

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