Collaborate without boundaries

August 10, 2018

  • Comments 5

I wanted to go buy a grill yesterday because the kids miss grilling and my wife kept ours. So the girls and I went to get one and ended up eating Chinese, which I don't like very much. I did it for them. We got the grill and headed home, I went for a bicycle ride with Becca (15) and then played games with Becca and Trinity (14.) Again, as usual, I heard story after story about my wife. How she goes to her boyfriend's house all the time, gets in his hot tub, shaves his bald head, changed her picture on Facebook and the boyfriend's mom liked it. Never-ending stories that I just don't care about but I have to suffer through. Took it all to prayer, semi slept through the night, and now trying to make it through another day. I get Aleigha (11) and Allison (5) tonight for the next week. We have to go buy a few school clothes tomorrow so it's going to be a busy day. I'm not used to this single dad stuff. Shopping is definitely one of my weaknesses.

I talked to my wife's biological father this week and he said be strong for the kids. I talked to her uncle also and he told me that he declined lunch with my wife last weekend because he doesn't want to be around her. All these grudges aren't making life any easier, including my own against my wife. I still refuse to talk to her and I just don't think I ever will. I read a devotional this morning about forgiving and what the other person should do. One of the steps is to repent from what they are doing. She refuses that so I refuse to continue any kind of relationship. I forgive but I won't forget.

  • True forgiveness Eddie is sacrificial, you sacrificing your wants and desire for the perfect desire of Jesus for your life. You holding your wife accountable for her actions is not forgiveness, you are holding a grudge againstt her, that is were bitterness grows. Does God hold you in derision for your sin? No, he covered it at the cross with his son's blood. Does he refuse to talk to you because you continue to sin? No, he seeks to be your intimate friend knowing you crucify him again every time you sin again.

    Don't give in to this Eddie, God has a plan it may not be as you have desired and it may, God's plan is perfect and in perfect time. You are letting this kill you and your trust in God. You need to turn to him and stay the course looking into his face. He will provide all for all your needs, trust him and let him have it.

    Praying for you.

  • I know hearing those stories from the kids is just gut wrenching.  YOu hear what you don't want to hear and you aren't even snooping.  YOu aren't asking them to share.  Yet, they are kids and you are the dad that allows them to talk or vent.

    I heard stories from my kids.  and a couple times I said, Ok, stop, these are things I just really don't want to hear.  And they'd stop or quiet down.  I just could not or chose not to deal with them talking. I may have very well been in the wrong doing so.  So this is not any advice I am giving.  I am in the flesh thinking of this situation, so I really should just delete this whole thing.  

    It isn't easy with the kids knowing a lot.  

  • God has to be using her family to add HIs conviction upon her.

    I think Josh replied pretty well to the rest of your journal.  

    Maybe a starting point would be to respond in patience and kindness when she communicates.  Keeping it to the point for now.  But, if she is still using everything you say to say you are harassing her and reporting it to the court or police....well, then you do have to protect yourself.  But then again, if she makes first contact and you can prove it via texts or phone records, I would think the charges she makes would be quickly dropped.  

    IN prayer, seek God's wisdom in all of this.

  • but I won't forget.... just sounds like a major grudge.

    It's hard, I know it is. You have taken it far worse than me and I can only imagine how you feel.

    My thoughts are as much as it hurts, don't shut down the communication with the kids. Sacrifice the pain to Jesus.

    What I don't know cannot hurt me is how surprises happen. I would rather be informed than thrown into the trenches unaware.

  • You need to talk with the kids. Unless it is a situation that is crucial, they need to not talk about those things. Let them know you appreciate their support but you must move forward in your life, and what their mother does is no longer your concern unless it is something that is dangerous to the kids.

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