Collaborate without boundaries

August 7, 2018

  • Comments 9

I don't know how but this gets worse every day. I take all the advice I get and try to apply it but it gets difficult in certain situations. Yesterday I was having a good day then at about 10:30PM I took Trinity (14) to a friends house to spend the night. Just across town. She called me a little while later and started telling me she talked to my wife because I couldn't take her to her therapy appointment today so she had to see if my wife could take her. I told her I didn't want to hear anything but it was too late because she already said it. Nick (15) left the house a couple days ago and wouldn't come home. My wife told him to come home but he didn't, so yesterday she left her house and locked all the doors and windows. She took our two youngest with her to her boyfriend's house and told Trinity that there is nothing I can do about it. I don't know why she felt the need to tell Trinity that, but my wife's brother, Kyle, said she is going to do things just to get a reaction out of me. He told me to ignore her but I got really mad last night. He said count out loud to sixty before reacting. I didn't. I don't want my children around that man because he participated in the ruination of my family. I tried to call Kyle or my wife's dad but they didn't answer. So I got mad and said I am going to tell the girls that they are not allowed around that man. Do I have the right to do that? I don't know but I am certain that no one on earth will ever change my mind. I can not allow my children to be around a person who was involved in the ruin of his own marriage and mine because of his sin.

Every day I learn more and more about life. I react wrong sometimes but it's my choice. I can choose to react any way I want. Today I am going to go home and no matter what I am not going to react negatively. I am going to learn to lead my heart. Today.

  • Remember to be patient, especially with yourself. Take in what is going on, then consider what God would want you to do. Then act.....

    I understand it is hard to watch someone burn bridges constantly and be completely self destructive, but you are limited by laws. It is terrible to say, but him being in the middle of your marriage isn't going to fly with the courts. They do not care about that unless you can prove that your wife is truly putting the children in harms way. So now the kids do not know who to listen to, you are your wife.....

  • It really is a hard place to be for everyone.

    All you can do is express your concerns and back them up. Forcing or demanding is not going to be helpful.

    Then if she still goes against what you asked, sit down with the kids and talk. DO NOT paint your wife or this other guy poorly though. Just explain the situation and that is all. You are going to do everything in your power to do what is right for your kids, they need to know that. You just can't force the other side to do the same.

  • That is what I would do, but hey, I am still new here :)

  • Well we are divorced as of a month ago. She's with this guy who is the same guy that she denied cheating with. So according to the court she is allowed to be with him but I will never accept that. I won't let my kids think you can date/hangout/marry/whatever the person you cheated on your spouse with. It's unacceptable. I will never allow him to be a father figure to my children. He lacks any kind of morals. His wife divorced him last year- likely because of the affair with my wife. This is an unethical human being and not an example my kids can be around. I am the sweetest, nicest person in the world except for when it comes down to this on thing. I refuse to accept it.

  • I wouldn't want my kids around this guy either. But they are not breaking the law.  Man's law.  How can you enforce this?  I do not think you can. Yes, the place she put you in really, really stinks.  

    But what are you going to do when your kids work for a boss who cheats, gets a d?  They're going to be working with all kinds of people like this. People at the bank, hairdressers, etc.  You can not shield your kids from all these people. Yes, I know, your wife's friend is on a totally different scale.  

  • Your kids know right from wrong in this regard.  You have made it very clear by word and action.  They see your testimony.  So, now trust that God will take care of the rest.  Nothing more that I see you can do.  

    It's so easy to not lead your heart I am sure in your situation.  But, when you do it further glorifies God and builds a new level of endurance in you.  You were a marathon runner.  Now you're approaching Ironman territory.  Just be humble in Christ, firm in your stance in Christ, and most of all be in complete faith, hope, and charity in Christ.  He will strengthen you in all this hurt.  He already has. Can you name just one coworker, friend, neighbor that could or would stand if they were in your shoes?  I doubt it.

  • What does she have to lose in doing all of this.  Not a thing.  She's already lost it all.  What do you have to lose reacting to her?  Part of your testimony, part of her believing the new you is the real, permanent you.  

    Be in peace, knowing you don't have to figure all of this out right now. God has the steps ordered for you and he will make them clear to you, or guide you in the right direction maybe even without you knowing it.  

    Be in peace Eddie, you need it and it's such a free gift.  Be greedy and soak up a lot of His peace.  It's about the only area it's okay to be greedy in.  LOL.  

  • I know I need to stop. I know my kids know what is right. I'm going to try my very best tonight to not react negatively to anything as a result of what she does. I have to take my pawn out of the game and let her finish by herself. It's so hard. like you guys have said before, to watch someone destroy themselves.

  • You of your own strength can not "react uprightly" to your situation you need to go to God in prayer and ask him to live it out in you mortal body. All you can do is live in your integrity and allow God to build his testemony in your life.

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