Collaborate without boundaries

August 6, 2018

  • Comments 7

This weekend went from bad to not so bad to the worst ever. The thoughts and nightmares about my wife Friday night made for a terrible Saturday morning but then the kids and I went and did an escape room late in the afternoon and had a ton of fun.

Aleigha (11) spent the last two weeks with her grandpa, my wife's biological father, just south of Chicago. He drove her back home Saturday and met my wife to drop her off. He called me last night and said that my wife told him so much stuff about me that we wouldn't even have time to talk about it all on the phone. He just wanted to ask me a couple of questions to satisfy his own curiosity. The first thing he asked about was the kids getting tattoos. Caleb (17) and Becca (15) want tattoos. I told him that I didn't have a problem with it but we had not made any definite plans to do it. Caleb is actually going to wait until he is eighteen. Becca wants "love never fails' on her collarbone ASAP but I have been trying to reason with her to at least wait until she turns sixteen. So he said my wife was half right about that accusation. I said yes because I honestly have no problem with her getting that particular tattoo. After being tricked into meeting the boyfriend and my wife telling Becca she doesn't want her getting a tattoo, Becca sent her a text yesterday that said in summary: "Leave me and dad alone. You quit being my mom when you cheated on dad and divorced him." She showed me the text after she sent it. My wife responded by saying that she still has rights to her although according to the court documents she does not. I feel bad for my wife but I tried and tried to help her and I tried and tried to get the kids to respect her but at some point the kids have just made up their minds that they are not going to deal with her. I don't have the slightest clue what to do anymore. It has all spiraled way out of control. 

Then he asked if I called Child Protective Services (CPS) on her. I told him I certainly did not but I know who did and they asked to remain anonymous. Jessica (19), our former foster daughter was there the night the pool party happened a couple of weeks ago and what she saw has her upset because we adopted her baby sister. She doesn't want my wife around her baby sister because she feels it is dangerous. She got mad because nothing was done to the adults at that party so she called CPS and reported the incident. I found out after she did it and I had nothing to do with it at all. The biggest lesson I learned from all of this is you truly do reap what you sow. My wife has created her own hell with so many lies that she is trapped in it. I'm on the outside looking in and I just don't know what to do. I pray for her every morning and night.

He asked me a few more questions and I kept trying to defend myself but he said he wasn't looking for validation for anything I have done. He said he trusts me or he wouldn't even be talking to me. He said he didn't believe anything my wife was telling him and he just wanted to piece some parts of the story together. He said he got quite a bit of useful information from Aleigha the two weeks she stayed with him. My wife told him that she and the doctor were just friends but he heard from the kids that they cuddle on the couch so there was no possible way for him to believe her. She lies without even thinking about it. It's just astounding.

He was also very concerned because Jessica put some more stuff on Facebook about my wife beating her kids, drinking all the time and abusing prescription pills. It got shared so much on Facebook that it got back to people involved in the church camp that her grandfather runs one week a year and now they are questioning why she was the camp nurse for years. Her grandfather is going to have to explain to these people what is going on. This has gone way past just our little family now. It is affecting far more people than I ever imagined even though I told my wife last year that this was going to affect more than just me and her.

I told her dad that I am so scared of her because I'm afraid she will call the cops on me at any moment for anything. He said that she feels the same way about me. I don't understand that because I have done nothing to her at all while she has accused me of all kinds of horrific things and even got two restraining orders on me in the last year and a half.

Also Nick (15) messaged Trinity over the weekend and showed her a picture of 4.8 grams of marijuana on a scale and said he was buying it for $70. I have no idea what that even means because I don't know the first thing about drugs but he told her he could sell if for way more than that. I found a way to let my wife know about this because I don't think she has a clue about what Nick is doing concerning sneaking out and buying drugs.

My words in this journal reflect my heart and I do not share them with my children. Only with people I trust. I'm as honest as I can be here. I'm sad and lost about anything concerning my wife but I just do not know what to do anymore. This has gone to the point of no return.

Becca just texted me and said her mom was coming to pick her up at 2:30 for a dentist appointment that I was unaware of. She said she does not want to go with her mom. I tried to talk her into going but she said she doesn't want to. What do I do? What do I say? How do I dig us all out of this hole my wife has dug?

  • Well you can't dig yourself out of anything. Only God can act in your situation, we are back to "Be Still" wait on the Lord, if you do wait on Him, he will give you peace and support thru the whole thing.

  • I'm trying Josh but it's something new every day. When my father-in-law called I immediately started trying to defend myself and he recognized that and told me to calm down. I was asked to start teaching teens at church on Wednesday night. Good things are happening to me but I still get anxious about anything my wife does to me. Even though I know every Bible verse about anxiety. This trial is so difficult.

  • Eddie, she is sinning against God not you, rest in that knowledge. He Loves you and wants to comfort you, let him, you need to spend some time telling God your troubles and asking him to take your anxiety and replace it with his peace.

    Rest in him, you are trying to figure out things that God is not showing you, so let it go, He has it Un his hands.

  • I needed to hear that. She is sinning against God not me. I need to stop playing God.

  • Remember how you use to do more than a dare a day to try to fix things?  And that didn't do to much did it.  Do you see now how your wife is doing more and more trying to fix things with the kids?  And that isn't doing much for them either.  But, she doesn't have this site or a mentor or following God's will to fix things.  So, she's left with the flesh and the world's ways and evil to follow.  Be ready if she crashes and needs you. Because no one else will be there like you and she will know it.

  • The one child wants a tattoo and her mom doesn't want her to have one. Why not show unity with your wife and have the daughter wait till she's of legal age to get one without you?  It would be a good way to show unity and show that love lets her win.  And some time for your daughter to make sure she wants a tattoo there.  Kids minds change frequently.  

  • Ask Jessica not to post things on line about your wife. it may be all true, but does the public need to know?  Is it hurting or helping the rest of the family?  Is it helping to protect the kids?  I doubt it.  It's just airing dirty laundry.  

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