Collaborate without boundaries

August 5, 2018

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Yesterday started out as the worst day to date in this trial. I didn't sleep well at all and then I thought about my wife all morning and afternoon. I really thought my heart was going to burst. I tried to take a nap but I just continued to toss and turn. The kids and I had planned a trip to go to one of these escape rooms that we've been reading about so that's what we did. We had so much fun. We actually took a picture and put it on Facebook. I used to take pictures of the family all the time and put them out there for the world to see. A few months ago one of the kids asked me why I don't take as many family pictures as I used to. I told them I don't know but I do know. I don't want to be one of those people who puts things on social media like life is perfect when it isn't. My wife does that and continues to do so. When the rare chance pops up that she gets to do something with the kids she takes a picture and puts it on Facebook and says something that makes everyone think things are great in her life. I don't snoop but the kids tell me because they get mad that she does that. I have avoided putting things up because I don't want her to see them and get jealous, if that even makes sense. I don't want to offend her. As soon as I put the picture up yesterday the kids saw it and said "Oh mom is going to be so jealous." I said that's not my intention. This is exactly why I have avoided doing this in the last couple years. Trinity (14) told me that my wife does see and hear about this stuff and that's why she is salty all the time. Salty is a new teenage term for upset. She said whenever she is around my wife all she hears is my wife asking about what we have been doing. Trinity said it's annoying that my wife snoops so much. So did I make a mistake putting the picture on Facebook? Or should I continue to celebrate my time with the kids? I honestly have no intention of hurting my wife but I think that's what it does sometimes. Should I just delete my social media? I don't want to hurt her but unless I just drop off the face of the earth that's what keeps happening.

I joined a Facebook group dedicated to saving marriages and there are so many people on there whose marriages are in trouble. I hurt for them. They introduced me to the term "limerence." The word means "the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship." It sounds like what my wife is experiencing. Last year my wife told the kids and I that she was going to rip our family apart. She said that in front of us all. Then later she told me that she would give up her kids as punishment for her sin of divorce. Now she is contacting the kids all the time and realizing they don't want to be a part of her current life. The limerence may be wearing off.

  • Sunny talked about limerence now and then.   You're wife may have known the feelings, and fun, and newness wore of months ago.  But forces things to prove to you and herself she is justified in her actions.  She will continue to crumble.  She just has to choose to seek Jesus.  And your continued standing can be what brings her to Christ.  

  • If you want these worse days ever over with and the no sleep nights gone, you need to put your trust of God way,way above your worry of your wife.  God will keep giving you nights like that until you accept and feel His peace consistently.  

  • Thankfulness in the trial is where you will find the peace you need, but that without humility before God it will not be enough. Surrender in humility all your fear and pain to Christ and leave it at the foot of the cross. Are you seeking Christ in his word and prayer? Are you talking to God about what you need and leaving it in his hands? I have heard that he provided money for you in your time of need. In court he turned the deal around to make things better financialy. These are things that you seem to have forgotten. In those instances you leaned on God for everything and did so prayerfully and thankfully.

    I'm praying for you, Don't alow bad thoughts to last 5 seconds in your mind before killing them with prayer.

  • Isn’t it awesome how God can take a day that starts out rather rotten and turn it into something really fun?!!  With regards to the social media post, the truth may hurt, but the truth is never wrong.  The truth is that you and your kids had a great time together.  The truth is that you celebrated that time together by sharing it on social media.  Assuming that you did not have a sinister motive (which it doesn’t sound like you did), I think there is nothing wrong with posting your family outing.  Just always make sure that you aren’t doing so to try and get back at your wife in some way.  I believe that your wife is solely responsible for her reactions, whether they be anger, jealousy, contempt, whatever.  I applaud your desire to do nothing that would hurt her, and I commend you for being a great dad to those kids.  Don’t allow her reactions to cause you to feel like you have to hide your relationship with your kids. Your relationship with your kids is a testimony.

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