Collaborate without boundaries

August 4, 2018

  • Comments 4

Still hurting. Still missing my wife. She doesn't think she's my wife but I still think that way. I prayed for her last night and this morning. For God to protect her and continue to convict her. Alcohol, pills, boyfriend, there's just so many tools for satan to use. It's unbelievable that I had so many problems with alcohol, vulgarity, and anger a year and a half ago and it's all gone now. God brought me out of all of that at the expense of my wife. Maybe now I'm supposed to be a tool to bring her to Chris but I'm not doing a good job at all. I need much strength and wisdom to continue this path waiting for her.

The girls cancelled dinner with her while I was at work yesterday. They called and told me and I couldn't talk them into changing their minds. She told them she had report card money some clothes and would give it to them if they went but they just told her to drop the stuff off at our house. So she stopped by to drop the stuff off last night. Becca (15) didn't want to face her so Trinity (14) went out to get everything but my wife said that Becca had to come out herself. So Becca went out and quickly got her stuff. She told Caleb (17) to come out also and he walked back in and said "Mom just gave me $40 and I have no idea why." I told him it was report card money. He was confused and here is why: In the past we would give them report card money based on their grades. Caleb got a 3.8 and should have gotten $80, Becca 3.5 ($50), Trinity 3.2 ($20), and Nick 0.8 ($0) She gave each kid $40 so they are mad. The ones that kept good grades got the same as Nick who nearly failed eighth grade. They said it didn't make any sense for Nick to get money. Really nothing that she has done in the last two year has made any sense and it hurts me to think that she can't understand what she is doing. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything except be thankful for the $40.

I'm as confused as always as to how my wife doesn't see any problems in all of this. She was the sweetest person in the world prior to this other man. That sweet person has completely disappeared. I've done a lot of research on this and I know that an affair partner can really mess with your head but to abandon your partner of twenty years and lose your children for another man is something I just can't understand. My therapist and my wife's brother both said that the sweet person is pretend and always has been and she has actually always been who she is now. They said she is the only one who can see and change this.

  • I believe you are being used to mold your wife, your kids too, it is God calling her name over and over, his voice is so irresistible to those who have herd it before. it is a thorny hedge of protection and a wall placed against her will and desire. God is working on her behalf to guide her back to him.

    All you can do is pray and wait, find someone to serve, God wants us to serve our friends and neighbors. It is his work that he wants us to be doing, teach your children to love Jesus and walk with him, Actually your children are your first ministry, that is a great place to start.

    She is convicted by her own actions, that is why she has those breakdowns, she cant fight the feeling that she has messed up but she still has to justify her actions.  

  • I don't believe she was always this person she is showing as of late.   We are made in God's image.  That's who she really is, the sweet person use to show.

    The pay for grades all being the same.  Kind of similar to the workers who went out to work at various times in the day. And the people that went out near the end of the day got paid the same as the ones that went out at the start of the day.  NOt that this completely correlates to what your wife did with the pay for grades deal.

  • You aren't doing a bad job as you mentioned.  You yourself know how you've grown in a year and a half.  Thank God for that.  You haven't fallen back into what you've overcome.  Thank God for that.  You are still longing for growth. Thank God for that.

    You mentioned in another reply about almost giving up.  Keep building endurance in Christ.  But really, isn't it kind of what we do. Give up trying to fix this mess. And then we just give up and let God.  Not that we stop standing, but we let God stand in front of us doing His work.  We keep standing by just living in Christ while He works in us, our spouses, and our children.  

    Live in peace and joy of Christ.  Letting go of your wife right into Christ's very capable hands.  

  • At the end of my marriage, I was in the same position. She chose alcohol, and eventually a man that she hasn’t seen in over 25 years. She forsook not only her kids, but our grandchildren as well. But that is the choice she made. Now the big difference is, my kids were older when we divorced. But still we were a very close family.

    When it comes to your kids. About the money. Comparison is not a good thing. There is no reason to be upset or concerned what others got. They should be happy for what they received. You see, you children have the pride trait as well, and God molding you will take place through  all those around you, not just your spouse.

    With nick, maybe that was to his ability... at least in your wife’s eyes. Or maybe since the kids are so against her maybe she just needed to be what was fair in her mind so that no one would be offended. But in anyway thankful should be the outcome. If they believe it is so unfair, then tell them to give the money back. No sense accepting some5ing they think is unfair.

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