Collaborate without boundaries

August 2, 2018

  • Comments 10

I said nothing negative about my wife yesterday. She didn't text the kids like she usually does so there wasn't much going on. I am taking Trinity (14) to therapy today after work and I don't know what will happen. This is the therapist she wants to quit going to because of the relationship between the therapist and my wife, and the one who was going to testify against me in court for whatever reason. My wife doesn't want her to change therapists and I don't know what her motivation is for that. I love our kids and I love my wife so I don't care what this therapist or anyone else thinks. I just want our kids to be safe and I want my family back. I prayed for this and prayed for my wife last night and this morning. Sometimes I feel like I'm praying in vain because my wife says things like I won't let her be with her boyfriend. I don't even know how she thinks I should be okay with that. It seems like there is no conviction for her affair because she just continues with it like it's perfectly normal. I woke up many times last night thinking about her and her boyfriend. This is how my sleep has been for over a year. Only two days in the last year have I slept through the whole night.

I got an email from the family therapist yesterday. She is trying to get this set up and my wife was in the email thread. The therapist told us she is not a marriage therapist and would make no recommendations on custody but would help with other issues. My wife said she wanted to work on communication with me and wanted to go over the court order to make it clear to everyone. For some reason she thinks I am disobeying the court order but I am following it exactly as it is written. She is upset because the kids have moved in with me and won't talk to her very much. The court order gives the four older kids the right to do this and she doesn't like it. I do not talk bad about her to the kids but I do tell them that her relationship is not biblical and I can't support it. There can be no amicable feelings because I didn't want this and she is in an adulterous relationship. I feel like I'm stuck somewhere in there.

I told the kids yesterday that their mom is so sweet. I said she used to bend over backwards to make me happy and we loved each other beyond words. I kept going on about her and the good times we had but they just laughed and said I must be making all that up because all they see is evil. I know it appears that I probably hate my wife right now because of the apparent anger but I only speak the truth and the truth makes her look very bad. I forgive her but I don't have to continue to accept her behavior. Her adultery, her lies of rape and abuse, her accusations of alienating the children from her. I just don't have to put up with it. I make mistakes and I make bad decisions but so does she. I love her but I am angry at her and I can't communicate with her until she this because she could get me in legal trouble in an instant and I can't let that happen because the kids depend on me.

  • You need to let go of the anger.....

  • I've said this before "If you choose love there is no room for anger" they can not exist together. As Bret said you need to let it go...no KILL IT DEAD...unity can not live with anger. Anything she does to you is a minor offence to what she is doing to Jesus, let God handle that part, you need to focus on yourself and your kids. Teach your kids straight out of the bible. expound the scriptures to them not just about marriage, pray with them and for them, teach them to pray. You have such potential and you are wasting it in anger against something Jesus already paid for.

  • Ephesians 4:30-32...And do not greave the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice. Be kind to one another, forgiving one an other, as God in Christ forgave you.

  • You're driving yourself crazy....Or your letting your wife drive you crazy.  

    When a thought of anything negative comes up, pray about it, ask Jesus to take care of it, and run straight to the exit of the negativity room.  and then run down the hall to the positivity room or whatever the dare called it.  Been too long since i did the dares to remember.  And then run to the room of joy of Christ.  

    This i eating at you.  What you worry about is what you don't hand over to Christ to handle.  Your hands are not bigger than Jesus' hands.  So, let Him take a hold and work on these thought that come up in your head.

  • You mentioned you only speak the truth about your wife.  Do you do that with the kids?  Because you I think you sometime mix telling the truth with telling them everything.  

    Don't let all your thoughts become verbal with them.  They already know you do not condone her actions.  Do not keep pointing it out to them.  They feel your anger and resentment toward her and they are feeding off of it.  

  • Am I supposed to tell the kids to go have fun with my wife and her boyfriend? It's an adulterous relationship and always will be, so I can't approve of it. I don't know how to tell the kids to be nice to them but remember they are not obeying the Bible. It's confusing.

  • Man's law she is not breaking.  in her mind she is now d and can date.  There is nothing you can do about this.  Let it go and let God deal with it the way He chooses.  His ways are a higher way.

    By you being a witness to Christ and letting your testimony continue, the kids will see right from wrong.   I wish you could keep the kids from ever seeing him.  I would feel the very same way.  

  • But you know her relationship with him will most likely not last.  She will someday see she let go of a guy that is now fantastic husband material.  

  • I just saw your comment Eddie.  Right now I feel my flesh rising just thinking of the other guy.  So, it's probably best if I do not respond, being in the flesh right now.

    But, what can you really do?  you can't keep them from seeing them.  Maybe tell them to be considerate.  And leave it at that.  

  • Eddie,

    Bret, josh and Tim are right. You have made it known that you are not in support of the relationship. But, you need to remember, God is working, you need to be still.

    Stop telling the kids about what their mother is doing wrong. They don’t need the “ammunition” against her. She does well enough on her own.

    And, take some time to pray and meditate on it. It seems your stuck at the moment, your growth may have stalled, and if it has, I am almost certain it is because of the resentment you continue to hold onto. Seek in your prayers for the gift of forgiveness. I know it’s hard brother, trust me... I have been there. But it will change your life. And it will allow you to treat your wife with the mercy, that Christ is CURRENTLY giving her. Remember we are to life as Christ has, and we must offer to those that hurt us forgiveness as Christ forgave us.

    This is where you will see a total turn in your walk, in your daily sleep, in your life period. And your kids really need to witness this as well. I mean how truly can your children honor their mother if you can’t even do it?

    Praying for you brother.

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