Collaborate without boundaries

August 1, 2018

  • Comments 6

I took Becca (15) to Columbus yesterday evening to spend the rest of the week with a friend from church camp. Trinity (14) and Allison (5) went with us. My wife texted them the whole way up and the whole way back and of course they told me everything they were talking about. Becca got tired of talking to her and said she was leaving her on red, which is modern day teenager talk for not responding to someone. Trinity told me that my wife said I won't stop trying to control her. I wondered what she meant by that because I have only talked to her one time in the last two months and she called the police on me for that. Trinity asked her how I try to control her and she said I won't let her be with her boyfriend. I was still confused. She added that the kids don't want to spend time with him and it was my fault. I started thinking that her brother (master's degree in psychology) told me that she will look to blame me for everything in her life for as long as she can. As hard as it was I prayed for her last night and this morning. It's hard because I'm trying to go about my everyday life and ignore her until she finds herself and she somehow finds a way to upset me every day. I tell the kids that I can't condone the relationship she has with this other man. It's not scriptural and I just can't support it and as long as she continues in her sinful ways I can't be a part of her life. I just can't. I can only pray for her from a distance and hope she finds God at some point. The one time I did talk to her a couple weeks ago I told her I don't want this other man near our kids. She uses that as an excuse to say it's my fault that she can't be with him. She can be with him, I just don't want our kids around him because he is an adulterer and had a hand in tearing our family apart. Plus he divorced his wife recently, probably because of my wife. Not a good person. No matter what anyone on earth says I will never budge on this. I cannot allow this man to be a part of our children's lives.

On the trip the girls also asked me if I think their mom could have a problem with taking pills. I asked why and they said she asked them to get something out of her purse one day and they saw a bunch of different pills in the bottom of it. They also said there was a bunch of pills in the console of her car. I told them it's a possibility and if so maybe that's one of the reasons she is acting like she is.

Trinity was face timing me earlier this morning when my wife started texting her. She told Trinity she has therapy tomorrow and she would meet her there. Trinity told her she doesn't have to meet her there then asked me if I could take her to the appointment. They got into it over text because my wife is trying to force Trinity to stay with this therapist when Trinity no longer feels comfortable because of all the interaction between the therapist and my wife. She told Trinity she was going to talk to the therapist about me trying to change her therapist. I called a new therapist because Trinity asked me to, not because I made that decision myself. I agree with Trinity that us parents should not be talking to the her therapist. I can't give up because I need to be here for my kids but I really feel like it. I am not trying to control or manipulate anyone and being constantly accused of it is demoralizing.

  • Eddie,

    I don't want to sound like I'm chastising you, it just seems like you have a very angry attitude towards your wife, I want despritly for you to get back together with her, but the way you talk about your problem makes me wonder how it wouldend. She is hurting, as much or more than you are, her children don't want anything to do with her, she is truly alone. If she returned could you show the compassion she needs to "feel" from someone that says he loves her? I don't by any means think that I am better than you or understand what you are going through, it's just that love covers a multitude of sin and no sin against us is not covered by Jesus blood, so why would I rail against so small a sin against me.

    I don't know if I made any sense, and I apologies if I speak out of turn.

  • Josh, you make perfect sense but I just don't know anymore. I'm so resentful for all the things she has done to me over the last two years. She continues to blame me for everything and even though I accept part of the blame, everything can not possibly be all my fault. She also has a problem with alcohol and prescription pills. It's dangerous for our youngest child.

    I need to be chastised. I am angry. I need someone to tell me that every day.

  • LOVE, true Love for God that flows from a thankful spirit Covers all offences, it is never prideful, pride says " You did this to us" I know I have the same feelings, those feelings are not from heaven. Walking in his grace we MUST walk in the love he intended us to walk in at our own expence. Because Jesus did.

  • I know we can't do these things, of our own, we need Jesus to walk them out in our lives to work them out in in us, that is the beauty of it being His finished work, we can not boast in anything but his blood that covers our own sin. He is the Grace of God revealed to the world, the embodiment on the love of God that took our sin to the cross.

    Let him have it, when she comes home, and live in the peace that he gives. Would you hold her hair back if she wa puking sick? Would you put a cold cloth on her fevered brow? Of course you would don't look at it as any different. Praying for you and yours.

  • Every moment a thought comes up in anger or frustration with her, replace it with a thought of sorrow for her bundled with sharing the forgiveness Christ gives you with her.  

    Tough to be angry and not forgive someone you pity and feel sorry for.

  • Right Tim, pity her in her state, ask God to give you compassion for her, his compassion, and let it work in you.

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