Collaborate without boundaries

July 31, 2018

  • Comments 5

Yesterday was another tough day. I was somber at work all day. One month since her divorce was final. It's not better. I don't see it getting better. My firm belief that marriage is a covenant under God that is to last until death keeps me bound to my wife while she just continues on in her sin and it's a hard pill to swallow.

Since telling Nick (15) he couldn't move in with me he hasn't talked to me. I've been sending him messages on Xbox, because that's the only way I have to contact him, and he has been ignoring me. I've told him that he can be a great person if he just makes that choice and I can help him. I wanted to set up some goals for him- get good grades, play a sport and stop doing drugs. He said he can do two but told me that weed is not as bad as people think. So I'm assuming he has some kind of addiction. I told him if he can accomplish these goals he can move in with me in about six months. If he can't give up the drugs I'm afraid he's going to end up being a thorn in my wife's side. He finally responded to me when I asked him if he wanted a phone. I had an old iphone 6 laying around and as soon as he saw that message he responded. I just keep trying to be good to this kid but he doesn't seem to want anyone to be close to him. When he finally started talking to me last night the first thing he told me was my wife's boyfriend was over and they asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with them. He told them no. It really bothers me that she continues in this. The boyfriend lives about 45 minutes away and comes to her house on a Monday night to watch a movie. I know this honeymoon phase won't last but it's still aggravating to hear about. Last weekend she was drunk and crying, saying she didn't know if it was going to work with him and now she is back to her cryptic self, as her brother said she would be when she sobered up. Such a hard thing to deal with. I did take it to prayer last night before bed.

Trinity (14) told me this morning that she is not going to go on the King's Island trip with my wife this weekend. I asked her why and she said she just doesn't want to. Originally she didn't want to go but I talked her into it and now she has changed her mind. It could have something to do with a conversation she had with her biological mother yesterday. She said she talked to her bio mom and found out that my wife has been telling her, for the last year, that I am a terrible person (basically all the stuff I've journaled about in the past.) Trinity said she told her mom the truth about what has happened and now her bio mom is mad at my wife for lying to her. The lesson I learn from this is be careful what you tell people because when you lie it will eventually catch up to you. From what I understand now, my wife is probably cancelling this weekend's trip and said she would do something with Aleigha (11) and Allison (5) instead.

I also got a message from Jessica (19) and Allison's biological mother on Facebook. She thanked me for taking care of her girls all these years and said I am a wonderful father. I was humbled because I love these kids so much that I feel like it's only natural to love and take care of them like this. I wish my wife would get on board with me. I continue to pray for God to soften her heart.

  • I want to say that I really appreciate the comments I get on these journals. Many times you guys point out things that I say that force me to see things in a different light. It is beyond helpful. I don't always understand my own behavior but when I get this precious feedback I begin to understand more and more.

  • Eddie,

    Its a lot easier to make calls and view things when you are not in the trenches. We can see things from an objective view rather than a subjective one. We don't want to see you fail or get hurt more, but sometimes the hard road is the one that must be traveled.

    I think the biggest thing you run into is being still, it is hard in your situation.

    With all the kids, interaction is forced and it doesn't allow harsh feelings to subside very easily. Remember, love forgives, no matter what.

  • I know you actually like constructive criticism.  At least I think you've said that.  I am the opposite at times.  Being stretched and placed out of my comfort zone is not fun for me.  But each time we are given good criticism and we follow it, growth in Christ occurs.  Just like doing the dates for growth.

  • It is hard when the kids are talking about it and need to let it out and you have to control your responses. I literally just went through that within the last hour.  Praying for you.

  • ignore the boyfriend, pray for his salvation and the conviction of the Holy Spirit to be on him. Ask  God to bless your wife when she makes good decisions, ones based in the truth of the Word, and pray for your Kids the same way.

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