Collaborate without boundaries

July 15-20 , 2018

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July 15th

Well, today was kind of a nightmare. I thought I was going to have a peaceful week at church camp ,two hours away from home, with three of my girls, but I’m not even here twelve hours and I’m awakened at five in the morning because the police were calling me about my wife and Nick (15). At the end of the evening I’m still not sure what is going on. I don’t feel like I am getting the whole story.

The police told me they responded to a disturbance at my wife’s residence. Apparently her and Nick had gotten into a fight. The police said Nick refused to stay with her and they asked if it would be okay for him to stay at my house for the night. I’m not there. Caleb (17) and Trinity (14) were there because they did not want to come to church camp, along with my former foster daughter, Jessica (19) and her boyfriend, Dylan (22). All good kids. I didn’t think it would be a good idea for Nick to stay but the police officer said there wasn’t any other good options at this point so I said it would be okay for one night.

This afternoon Trinity (14) manages to text me that I need to call her. Cell service is terrible here so I can’t make or receive calls and rarely get a text to go through. I had to drive about five miles away from camp to be able to make a call. When I called her she told me she went over last night and witnessed a lot of what had happened. She said when she got there my wife and Nick were screaming at each other. She said the police were trying to calm everyone down and Marcus and Cam were there. Marcus is the doctor who my wife denied having an affair with. When Aleigha (11) heard this she said “Marcus comes over all the time to swim.” So apparently she has been having this guy over in front of our kids while we were still married, which I don’t even know if we legally still are. Cam is a friend (and I use that term loosely) I graduated high school with and apparently now hangs out with my wife. Trinity said they were having a pool party and they were all drunk, including Nick. She said there was alcohol all over the place and my wife was drunk like she used to be, referring to the days when my wife and I would drink all the time. She said she talked to Nick and he said my wife had given him shots of liquor and had choked and scratched him. Trinity said he had marks on his neck that looked like fingernail scratches and was bleeding. She said my wife was crying, playing the victim, and telling the cops that she didn’t know Nick was drinking and that he said he was going to kill himself. So the police had to find a solution.

A little while later I called Trinity to see what was going on and Nick was at my house and, just as I called, the police showed up with a social worker because my wife filed a mental hygiene on him. So they took Nick for an evaluation. The social worker spoke to me and told me that because he had said something about killing himself (allegedly in front of many adult witnesses) he had to be evaluated and said I should call later in the evening to find out how that went. The social worker also said that Nick was given a field sobriety test and blew a .08 BAC. Trinity confirmed that they did that last night and she said they didn’t test my wife at all. Nick told Trinity that he never said anything about killing himself. He said my wife was saying that to him and all he told her was if he was going to kill himself he would just do it, not talk about it.

I called the sheriff’s department this evening and the deputy on duty told me he was at the mental health facility with my son and they had decided to release him to my in-laws. My in-laws, right now, are as crazy as my wife. They continue to enable her and assist in her mental health decline. They make up lie after lie in order to cover for her. So I have no idea how that is going to work out. I really just want a peaceful week but that doesn’t seem to be possible.

I called Kyle, my wife’s half-brother, because he has dealt with stuff like this before in his profession. He is a therapist. He said there has to be more to this story then we are being told. There has to be a missing puzzle piece. He said he can’t understand why my wife wouldn’t be getting arrested or at least a citation for what happened. We agreed that Nick does need help but not in this way. It doesn’t need to be made to look like it is all his fault. My wife simply won’t accept responsibility for ANYTHING. Nothing seems to ever be any fault of hers.

My wife’s grandfather is the manager of church camp. Her father was also here yesterday and he is the one who woke me up this morning when the police called. She spoke with both of them and told them she is a victim but at this point no one believes her. They told me to keep my faith and let her deal with all of this. They said God will bring her to her knees in His time. Her grandfather, being a preacher for the last sixty years, said he has seen this many times in couples he has counseled when they are cheating on their spouse. He reaffirmed everything I have read and studied in the past year, that my wife will never find happiness the way she is looking for it. He said last year when he spoke to her and she said she was not happy he told her she would never find happiness in a hundred men if she can’t find it with me. He told her that’s not where the problem is but she doesn’t want to listen to the wisdom of her eighty year old grandfather. She only wants her fleshly desires fulfilled.

July 16th

Today was a wonderful day. There were little to no distractions. It was the first full day of church camp. I sat in on some of the classes with my kids and participated in the games they played. I couldn’t ask God for a more perfect day.

Someone did ask me about my wife because she was the camp nurse here for about five years. She hasn't been able to come for the last two years because it is a Christian camp and they cannot let her actions be an example to the campers. I answered enough to get myself out of the conversation and changed the subject. During Becca’s (15) first class of the morning the teacher used divorce as an example in his lesson. He was comparing how man contradicts the Bible in many things they do. He said God intends marriage to be for life but man thinks he can end a marriage with a piece of paper. As soon as he said that Becca looked at me. I just shrugged my shoulders. The kids are going to consistently hear this in church and it will never benefit my wife.  This is and always could be my dilemma. To love her and teach the kids to love her while she continues in sin.

Becca told me that a few other kids were asking her where her mom is. She doesn’t like to talk about it but she told them that her mom has done things against God that doesn’t allow her to attend camp.

One touching thing that happened today happened when I was sitting outside just observing nature. I saw a cardinal land on the ground and I started thinking of Luke 12:24. God feeds that birds and how much more am I worth than those birds? God has blessed me in such a way that my own mind can’t even comprehend it. He is unbelievably good.

I continue to rebuke satan because he still attacks me every day. Since I learned about my wife’s boyfriend satan keeps trying to get me to think about their sexual relationship. I have been very good at changing my mind by diverting my thoughts with prayer. By doing that I get overcome by the peace of God. Once again God is unbelievably good.

Finally at the end of the evening I had a conversation with my wife’s grandfather. Since he’s been preaching his entire life he told me to hang in there because he’s seen this before and those who remain faithful reap amazing blessings. He gave me the same advice that dozens of others have. Take it one day at a time. He said he has seen my growth in the last year and he is very curious to see how far I will be next year. I hope to have a very active role in this camp next year. And who knows, I may even get my wife back. I can only hope.

July 17th

Today was a good day. I played with all the kids in camp and worshipped many times during the day. It was also a day of constant struggle though. My heart is grieved. My wife left me fifteen months ago and it feels worse today than it did the day she left. It keeps feeling worse every day. I don’t know if I can endure this pain for much longer. How much does God think I can handle? Since finding out Monday that my wife has a boyfriend and has for a while, as I suspected, it has pierced my heart even deeper. I just can’t understand how one human being can do something like this to another. I would never be able. I can’t even bring myself to hate her or her lover. I can only feel a painful sorrow for them. I can’t stand the thought of my wife, whom I have loved for the last twenty years, going to hell, and I can't even say anything to her like that because it only pushes her further away from God. The only thing I can do is live a righteous life and pray that God somehow saves her.

I read Philippians today and in chapter one verses 21-24 Paul says “For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you.” I feel the same way Paul did. I want to die and be with my Savior but I know that I have a lot of work to do here on earth. I am hard-pressed between the two.

July 19th

These last two days have been rough. I have had so much fun with these kids but I am still vexed with thoughts of my wife. Since I know I am bound to her until death it makes it harder every day to continue on without her. I haven’t been able to sleep the last couple of nights because the devil just keeps putting thoughts of her with her boyfriend in my head. Even though I tried to explain our biblical situation to her last year she just doesn’t care enough about God or her soul for it to matter. She is blinded by sin so bad that she doesn’t care if she leads her children straight to hell with her. I imagine myself walking with Jesus in heaven when I lay in bed at night with these thoughts. Once I get into a deep conversation with Him I am able to sleep.

I had a conversation with a kid in camp. He’s been through a lot. He lost his mother when he was ten years old and his life has been pretty rough. He was raised by his step-father and at times his biological father tried to step back into his life. He’s eighteen years old and has been on and off with his girlfriend for four years. He asked me some about my story and told me his. He said Becca (15) had told him some of what was going on because many of the kids here at camp remember her. It helps me realize that my problems are not the only problems in the world and some people need my prayers more than I need them myself.

I overheard some men yesterday talking about the camp nurse situation. The nurse this year is doing it for the first time and she had a rough start to the week. She has slowly gotten into the groove of things. Last year they did not have a camp nurse and it put them in a bind. My wife was scheduled to be the camp nurse last year but because of her decisions her grandfather, the camp manager, was forced to tell her she could not come to this Christian camp based on her actions. Her fall into the world has separated her from her family.

My goal this year is to save enough money to bring all of my kids to camp plus at least four other kids. I would also like to see my wife brought back to God this year and restore her as a camp nurse. It’s an impossible goal but as I know and I’ve said a dozen times before, with God all things are possible.

 

  • Will the camp give a sliding scale for bringing that many kids?

  • So many lies.  The burden of living with them has to be crushing.  Remember how Caleb had nothing he could day and felt the heat in the moment when his wife brought up him looking at pornography?

    When it's quiet your wife has to feel the be same.  Good is talking to her coscience in the quiet.  How long will she endure the conviction?  God knows.  And you will be there if/when she seems wisdom.

  • Good that you are giving it to God that is the only way to get peace. Hang in there

  • The 19 yeer old and 22 year old....are you condoning them living together when they stayed over?  Don't reply.   But it is a thought that hit that I thought I should bring up.  

    It could also be in opposition of what you are teaching the kids about marriage.  It could be a testimony going in opposition to your testimony.

  • I have to comment because I don't condone them having a sexual relationship and they know that. She professes she is not a Christian so she doesn't think about it like we do. They actually live with his parents. I hope she sees my testimony someday and turns to God. We talk about it a lot and she is just not convinced that God exists.

  • Your testimony will speak the truth to her and your wife, this is the reason we don't give up, we cant see what God is doing in the hearts of others.

  • I assumed you shared your stance with her or she knew where you stood in this.  Glad you do.

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