Collaborate without boundaries

July 12, 2018

  • Comments 3

My wife texted me a million times yesterday. Her texts were very long and accusatory. When read to my therapist he said it is obvious that she is unwilling to accept any responsibility. I answered her with as few words as possible in order to limit the hostility. The subject of all the texts was Trinity (14.) She does not want to go to church camp next week so I told her she could stay home with Caleb (17) because he isn't going. At the time I didn't even think of any other possibilities. My wife said that is unacceptable because a 17 and 14 year old should not be left without supervision for a week. I told her that I have arranged for Jessica (19), our former foster daughter, and her boyfriend (22) to stay at the house all week to babysit. My wife said that is still unacceptable. She said she has been nice up until now and has let Trinity stay with me. She told Trinity that if she doesn't stay with her next week she is going to call the police. Trinity is now very upset. The court order says Trinity has the right to stay with whomever she chooses. Trinity actually has all the power. I told Trinity she should go stay with her mom but she said she can't because of her mom's behavior. Trinity didn't tell me but it is obvious that she is scared of my wife. She told Becca (15) that by her mom threatening her and trying to force her to do things against her will makes her not want to be around her even more. So I told Trinity that she should at least reconsider coming to church camp or staying with my mom or a friend. My wife accused me of not following the court order but I am. She's trying to use the court order to manipulate the situation. I finally told my wife that I can't talk about this anymore. I just can't argue. My therapist said that was a good move and by doing so I took power away from her because as long as she keeps me involved in the conversation she is exercising power over me. He said it was clear to him that it was upsetting and scaring me. He said my wife is beginning to see the reality of her decision and she is not going to deal well with it. The kids are turning against her (not by my words or actions- I encourage them to love and respect her) and things are starting to go downhill for her. In all honesty this court order means nothing to me. I will obey it but I will obey God before man. Our kids need to see the power of God prevail, not the desires of man.

My therapist suggested that I go tell the police what is happening and show them the court order so if she does call them they already know what to expect. He said Trinity should do something with her mom every three days as the therapist suggested and she should continue her therapy but she should not be forced to stay with my wife if she doesn't feel comfortable. He said I should encourage Trinity to do all of this and also encourage her to tell her mom and therapist the truth, like she has told me. He said Trinity needs to make them aware of exactly how she feels. When I ended the argument with my wife yesterday I told her (because she asked what Trinity was scared of) that the kids have told me things in this last year that I can't even begin to explain to her. I've told her things the kids have said to me in this past year and she either says I'm making it up or the kids will get over it so it does me no good to tell her anything. She's just not in touch with reality. I told her that I am doing the best I can and that I pray for her and the kids every day along with wisdom for myself. I told her she would never understand until she submits to God.

Nick (15) is still missing. It's been almost 72 hours. Trinity showed me his last location on Snapchat and showed me a recent video she saw online in which Nick and his friends appear to be drugged up. They look like zombies. I did attempt to call the police but they do not answer after hours and I was afraid to call 911 since I don't have custody of him and I'm not sure all the information I am getting is accurate. My therapist suggested I leave it alone. He said it's right to be concerned but Nick and my wife have chosen to eliminate me from their lives and I can't worry myself about what they are doing. My wife still hasn't said one word to me about Nick running away. Trinity told me that my wife said if he doesn't come home by this weekend she is going to go out with her friends and forget about the whole situation. I don't know if that's true but I believe it because my wife's behavior has been that erratic for the last two years.

I asked my therapist why my wife is mean to the point that I have to end the conversation then a few hours later texts me about completely unrelated things as if we never argued and he said in all actuality she is wanting me to fix the problem. He said she uses bullying and when that doesn't work she tries pleasantry. He said she is a very good manipulator. He told me not to engage her at all unless it is simple answers to questions about the kids.

I said yesterday that my wife scares me but I think I have gotten past that. I do fear that she may attempt to do something horrible to me but in all reality she can't take away my salvation. She can take anything else in the world from me but in the end I am with God and unless she changes she is going to lose her soul and eventually all of her children.

  • She's adamant about denying all the wrongs in her life.  And adamant about finding what she can not have living like this, and that is happiness.  And as you know what she wants, but denies it, is Christ's joy.

    You've had a ton thrown at you.  God is there with you, otherwise you would have given up.  Thank God for that.  

    Just somehow let these struggles lead you to Christ's joy.  Paul and the apostles had so much thrown at them.  Yet they lived for Christ.  Continue to do the same.  

  • I know that such text exchanges and the circumstances you are dealing with can leave you completely drained.  Allow Jesus to fill you back up -  with his strength, comfort, joy, and peace, blessed peace.  And continue to love those who persecute you.

  • Right on Determined, Eddie I know it is hard for me to understand the situation from your point of viiew, but the source of our comfort and support comes from the same place. Take joy in the trial and lean into His grace, Wait on the Lord and he will establish you, let the peace overcome you.

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