Collaborate without boundaries

June 8, 2018

  • Comments 3

The peace has continued, with a couple little hiccups.

After work I just went home to relax and Becca asked if we could go get a friend of hers to spend the night so we did that. On the way back home she asked if I could drop her off at the other house so she could stay there. Hiccup. For a second I was hurt. I still have a small part of me that doesn't want her around her mom but I quickly dispatched that thought and told her I could drop her off. So she called her mom to ask if it was okay. Her mom said yes at first but when she asked if another friend could also stay the answer changed to no. I only heard Becca's part of the conversation and the last thing I heard her say was "Fine, I'll just stay at dad's" then she hung up. Becca went on about how mad that made her. Her mom said last time they were too loud. I told Becca she knows her mom has a problem with noise and we talked about that for a bit, with me defending my wife by pointing out some of my own quirks.

Caleb wanted a sub from Subway. He offered me his debit card but I just can't let my kids buy their own food so I declined. Then when I ordered the sub they told me they were out of flatbread and asked if I would wait. Well, I waited for 30 minutes. Six customers went in front of me and two cars went through the drive through. I felt the anger coming on but instead of getting mad I sat down and said "Not today satan" and started praying for each person who came through the door. Maybe one of those people really needed a prayer.

Then around 10pm, hiccup number two, Becca and her friends said they were going to go out and ride around with another friend who has a car. I fell asleep not too long after that, after sending Becca a snapchat to be careful and come home soon. I woke up at 2:45am as she was coming home. So we're going to have to have a little talk this evening about that. It could lead to her going to live with her mom but I can't let this terrible situation determine my parenting style. It would be SOOOO much easier to do this with my wife instead of how it is going. These kids are missing out on so much valuable parenting moments because my wife and I are afraid to parent properly. We both let them get away with way more than we should.

I started my own war room yesterday. I printed Hosea 2:7 "She will chase her lovers but not overtake them; Yes, she will seek them, but not find them. Then she will say 'I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better for me than now," and Ephesians 6:12 "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in heavenly places." I made my own notes on them and taped them to my bedroom wall. I will remind myself every day that I am not fighting my wife. I am fighting unseen forces. I'm right beside her even if she doesn't know it. She was such an instrumental tool that God used to bring me to Him and now it's my turn to be that tool.

I'm still sleeping on the couch because I just can't bring myself to sleep in a bed where my wife should also be. I just don't think I can ever sleep in a bed again without her. I don't know how to overcome this.

Then this morning when I got in the car to go to work a song came on the radio that was popular weeks before we got married. Triggers like this kill me. I turned the station immediately but it was too late. It brought back a flood of amazing memories that just hurt to think about now.

I've never, since meeting my wife, had to worry about finances. We struggled together at first but we built a very comfortable life. Now I'm starting to worry a little because of the financial situation. I know it is unfounded because God WILL take care of me, as long as I help myself, of course. I've cut back on so much but I still struggle to buy gas and food for the kids after paying all the bills I've been stuck with. There's a light at the end of the tunnel because I know things will change at the end of this trial one way or the other and I won't have any financial worries at all but it's a long tunnel and right now I'm barely managing.

But, leaning on Ephesians 6:12, I am continuing on, fighting unseen forces. I won't let satan win. To my wife- I'm right beside you.

  • That last sentence you wrote, "the weapons of our warfare" God is mighty and has already defeated him that is why he is so determined to destroy us.

    I remember Tim in a comment saying lead your heart, the heart is the source of our emotions, we must lead them. God wants us to walk across the water to him. If we let our emotions lead us we will take our eyes off of Jesus and sink into ourselves/dispare. Keep your eyes on Jesus and he will direct your paths.

  • HOw the dares have changed you.  Thank God.  Instead of getting mad over waiting a half hour, you prayed for people.  And you won by staying in peace and they won by being prayed for.  Love wins doesn't it?  

    The dares have settled me down too as far as staying patient and not so mad when things don't go the way they should at a store or restaurant.  but you're testimony was a reminder I have to get even better in public (as well as at home).

    Thanks for the reminder.

  • It was good to see the hiccup of her wanting to go to her mom's not effect you like it would have before.  YOu got over it quickly whereas I think in the past you may have let it get to you for an hour or even as long as all day or evening.  

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