Collaborate without boundaries

June 4, 2018

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Our preacher talked about Job in yesterday's sermon. If anyone can compare their troubles to him then I think they would have a right to complain. My troubles are very insignificant compared to what he went through, however, it still feels horrible because it's happening to ME. So this is what I'm trying to get over. Slowly I'll get there.

In our men's meeting, one of the men looked at me and said he didn't want to embarrass me but he gave me a certificate for completing a series of lessons from our church library. I was actually embarrassed a little. Then, they announced it to the congregation during evening service. I was a lot embarrassed at that point, but afterward many people came up to me and said they were proud of me. It shows that God is working behind the scenes, even when we don't think He is.

During the men's meeting I brought up that I would like to start something in our community to stress the importance of marriage in order to prevent what's happening to me from happening to anyone else. They said that would be a great idea so now I have to start researching how to go about this. I attended a marriage seminar at another church a few months ago so I may start there and see what I need to do. A brother came up to me after evening service and said he really likes this idea. I told him this may be my calling and he said maybe so.

I still need to finish up my study on Exodus. I need to write a seven page paper on Moses then I will be ready to take the final exam. I also read the first ten chapters of Job. I'm going to work on finishing that book this week too.

Caleb and I watched game 2 of the NBA finals last night. It was nice to spend time together. We don't do that often because he's 17 and has better things to do than spend time with dad so I'll take any time I can get.

Of course some negative things happened this weekend also. Becca didn't come home until late Sunday night. This morning I asked her if she went to the other town I told her I didn't want her going to and she said yes. She wanted to lie to me at first but she didn't. She said her mom took her yesterday and dropped her off there. I don't like that but there's nothing I can do about it. It's something right now that is beyond my control. I can not legally talk to my wife about it and as long as that is the case Becca will continue to take advantage. I feel like my wife thinks she needs to appease the kids in order for them to like her. I'm clueless what to do about it. It's harming the kids and it's teaching them the wrong morals.

My wife accused me, in the court documents, of being a bad parent specifically because Becca was sneaking off to this other town. This has happened three times that I know of in the last year. Once during the seven month period in which she abandoned us while I was primarily caring for the kids, and twice after my wife got me kicked out of the house while she had full temporary custody of them. The last time my wife is completely unaware of because Becca called me to come pick her up and said she was not going to tell her mother.

Yesterday Trinity called me while I was taking a nap. I texted her after I woke up and asked if she needed something. This is only the second time she has talked to me in a month or so. She asked me if I wanted to come to the house to swim for her birthday party. I told her I couldn't and she said Amber (because Trinity and Nick call us by our first name even though I have insisted for a long time they call us mom and dad) said it was okay if I came over for a while. I told her that the court documents say I can't do that so I can't but I told her I miss her and I love her and she said she understood and she missed me and loved me too. Whether intentional or not, my wife made me look like a crappy dad.

I seriously can't take this anymore. These kids are being harmed more than anyone realizes. I have no idea what to do. I can never in a million years tell my kids that this divorce is okay and by teaching them what the Bible says about marriage it makes their mother look terrible. For now I try to just keep my mouth shut but things that happened this weekend work against me. The terrific things that God did for me over the weekend were awesome. I just wish I could make it through one weekend without the negative stuff.

To top all of this off I took a little test in the book I'm reading on Parental Alienation. I scored terrible on it. I'm what is labeled as an obsessed alienator. Something the court would destroy me for. I just honestly feel like my wife is very wrong for what she is doing and I can never look our children in the eyes and tell them their mother, who made up blatant lies about me beating and raping her, is a good person. I fell like she was a good person and she can be a good person again but this last year has changed her. I'm convinced that she has a mental illness and needs professional help. If she ever came to me I could definitely forgive her for every thing she has ever done to me and I would beg her to forgive me and I would help her and we could start over, but without any confession and repentance on her part I can never pretend that she is a fit parent.

  • The thing about Job is he was perfect before the lord. I know in my case I was way less than perfect in fact I was in direct and willful disobedience. through my sin my wife and children were made to endure me. I think it is a good thing to remember just how bad we were, and in need of our savior.

  • I dont think it's a good idea to think your wife has a mental illness. She may but speculating and assuming don't help you believe the best.

    Love does so many things and it is hard sometimes to keep all of them in mind all the time. but it is essential for the work of God to take hold in our lives.

  • Remember, your wife of yesterday, the good wife and good mother, is still in there somewhere.  She may be deep inside or she may be right below the surface ready to pop out.  

    Even with your kids God can use all this for their good.  I am very introverted.  In high school, maybe even a senior, I could not even order a pizza over the phone.  Now I make a living talking to people.  I never would have taken this job if I hadn't lost the first three jobs I had.  I kept thinking, how can I survive losing job after job?  But God had me go through each of those jobs to get the job I have today.  all the failures brought me to the job I needed to support our family.

    God can use everything, the negative, the failures, everything for your children's good.  

  • Congrats on how much you are accomplishing.  I am amazed.  I struggle to read just a chapter a day.  

  • It's hard to keep trying to figure out why she is acting like she is. I run so many things through my head. The world is all over me to put her away. Besides the church no one believes I should keep fighting for her. I fear for my own soul though because I know what the Bible says. I just keep making mistake after mistake.

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