Collaborate without boundaries

June 2, 2018

  • Comments 7

Yesterday evening was really rough. Aleigha wanted to spend the night at a friends so she didn't come to the visit. I was okay with that because she asked me if it was. I told her yes and to have fun. So Allison and I spent three hours together. But about halfway through that a severe feeling of depression came over me. I don't know why. After I dropped her off I called my sister and talked to her for a few minutes just so I could get the feelings off my chest and try to figure out why the depression came on so quickly. Still not sure. It just never seems to get any easier. Never!

I stayed up pretty late playing games because I just felt alone. I woke up at about 11am this morning and was in a bit of shock because I had so many dreams last night. I don't remember them all, just that I dreamt a lot and all of them were about my wife. One of them was us swimming together. It was odd.

The dreams made me think about people telling me that this will get easier. After 13 months it isn't any easier. My therapist says once the legal process is finished it will get easier because of al the combined pressure, but I'm just not sure if anyone really knows what they are talking about. God doesn't change. Therefore I can't change. God tells me I have to remain committed to my wife no matter how mad, crazy, mean, etc. she gets. So I have to remain committed to my wife. Secular people just don't get that. It will only get better when my wife decides to follow God, with me, by my side. It's ironic that the one person on earth, who is tearing me down, is the only one capable of building me up.

Yesterday evening, Becca asked me if I would go pick her up from a friend's house if her grandmother took her there. This in a town about 30-40 minutes away. I told her no. I don't know the person and I don't think she should be going that far away. Her grandmother (my mother-in-law) should know better than to even think about taking her somewhere like that but this is the kind of thing she does that defies my parenting authority and this is not the first time this has happened. Then Becca didn't come home last night. I messaged her and she said she was with her mother. I have no way of verifying that but I did have Caleb try to check. He couldn't figure out anything either. Becca also had her location services turned off on her phone so I couldn't check on that either. I told her to turn it on, which she did but still had it set to not share her location. I suspect she went to her friend's but unless she tells me herself I may never find out. There's not much I can really do. As long as my wife has this wedge in our family things are going to be like this. Our children are going to suffer the most.

I want to run away. Leave this all behind. But I can't. I'm in this mess because I didn't listen to God. Now I am scared to death of what else could happen if I don't obey Him. I have to do what I can for my children and I have to stand by my wife no matter her decisions.

  • Eddie, you've mentioned you have suffered with depression much of your life.  It this depression stems from some type of chemical or nerve imbalance or whatever can cause a true depression, then ignore what I say.  so, I will respond with the thought that it's kind of like the depressive funk I was in a few days ago and you guys commented about it to me.

  • Could the depression be a part of a lack of sleep?  I know I don't do well when I don't sleep enough.  Make margin for sleep.  

    YOu mention she is the only one that can build you up.  I know you know God is the true source of building you up.  so, cut out the talk of she's the one.  You know that's not true.  Yes, I realize she's the one person that you should be closest to.  but right now, God is to fill all your voids.There is opportunity for new growth in Christ for you in this time of your journey.  

  • Yes, keep reading, keep praying, keep studying, but now is the time to take a new step in this journey and leave the unsatisfacation life is throwing at you at the curb while you continue to walk the path that leads to Christ.  The further you get from that curve, the closer you are to Christ.  The closer you are to Christ, the more the voids you are feeling are fulfilled.  

    It's time to continue standing while letting her go further and hanging on to God more.  This is your chance to let go of depression and rejoice because God gave you a new opportunity to get closer to the  One that will save you in this life and onto the next.  

  • you, and i, and many of us didn't listen to God and that can be why we are here.  But, you have asked and accepted forgiveness.  And have been on a journey seeking Christ.  so, let go of the past, because of forgiveness and also because that's where evil wants you to look.  And realize the One that offers our peace in the present and in the future is God alone.  Accept this peace as a gift.  And do not squander this opportunity to let go of the funk you are in and jump for joy in Christ.  Try it.  Do something physical to represent His joy.  Try jumping and screaming in joy.  Sometimes just movement can break that feeling when we connect it all to God.  Yes, sounds goofy.  I have never heard of it, but it popped in my mind.  

  • Running away or leaving this site, or stop standing would be letting your testimony go. And i, this group, your kids, and your wife and her parents need to see your continued testiimony.  

    YOu all helped me out of my depression.  Go back and read the words you and everyone shared with me.  

    Be in His peace.  His arms are open for you.

  • Tim I agree with you. Eddie don't let the devil get into your head, he is very subtle, he wants you disheartened, discouraged, depressed and dead. Rais your eyes to Christ and be thankfull. This goes for those with chemical imbalance depression and for situational depression. Keep it up and stay in the game I really appreciate your comments, and advice.

  • Hey it sounds like you are taking back some of the things you gave to God. Remember that we must not take back what we give to him, he is faithful and will give you peace and the help you need just like he provides for your financial needs. Thank him for those provisions and don't for get his love for you.

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