Collaborate without boundaries

May 31, 2018

  • Comments 3

I got Caleb and Becca Subway after work yesterday. I told them we would go back to Wednesday being our "eat out" day. I used to take all the kids out after Wednesday evening church. That doesn't happen anymore since I rarely ever see our four youngest and Caleb and Becca won't go to church.

At church we talked about how a lot of churches teach false doctrine and pointed out scripture that warns us of such things. We highlighted the fact that Jesus tells us that many will take the broad road to destruction and few will find the narrow road leading to life. Most people are going to go to hell. It's sad but true.

I'm still praying for my wife. Trying not to be negative about her even though it seems like I often times am. I'm just so  very mad at her because I know how smart she is. I know she knows the difference between right and wrong. I know she has the same beliefs as me. She's the one who forced me to go to church for years. I know she has the ability to overcome this. It's just so difficult to watch her destroy herself.

I got a letter from my attorney in the mail yesterday. I really don't get concerned about it anymore. To me it's all secular nonsense. I have done nothing recently to offend God so I'm not worried about what the court does. I have to defend myself on June 29th against contempt of court charges because I texted my wife a church invite and mailed her a divorce brochure. My attorney apparently filed a bunch of objections that the court accepted. He told me he was going to bring up some things that my wife and her attorney would not like. It's just getting more and more vicious. I want no part of it but I'm trapped. I have to fight for the safety of the kids. I know if I have custody of them they will be brought up with proper religious beliefs. I can't say the same in any other circumstances. My wife having custody of them and even taking them to church would be great but still hypocritical when the church blatantly defies divorce. I cannot let them think that divorce is an option. In her case they would see that church is semi-important but if you really want to go against something the Bible says it's okay. I can't live with that. If it were up to me my defense would be that my religious beliefs are pro-marriage and all I'm doing is fighting for my marriage.

I forgive my wife. I really do. But I have to talk about how I feel she is doing wrong. I'm not a perfect person but I understand repentance. I have confessed my sins. I'm ready to move on to a righteous life. This situation is making that very difficult. I have gotten much better at just being still and giving everything to God. I don't even attempt to push anything on her. I still read the dares and imagine doing beautiful things for her and that really just frustrates me that much more and makes me extremely sad. My beautiful wife has not only turned her back on me but she's turned her back on our God. I feel sad but I can not imagine how He feels. She has so much potential to be a powerful woman for God and it makes me sad to watch her just walk away.

Becca told me last night that her mom was texting her asking about Kira, the girl she kept getting in trouble with a few months ago. Becca has been very good since she moved in with me. No trouble at all. Last weekend she asked If Kira could spend the night. I said it was okay and they never left my sight except when I went to church. I guess my wife saw something on social media and was questioning Becca about hanging out with Kira. What any of that means I don't know. I try to figure out what she is thinking because it doesn't make any sense to be worried about Becca hanging out with Kira but taking our adopted kids to visit their bio parents when that was something we agreed to never do. I just don't know what is going on anymore. I work, study my Bible, and go to church when the doors are open. I don't know what else to do.

  • Keep seeking Christ.  His wisdom.  His strength.  Keep doing what you're doing.  

  • Pray if there's something else that can bring you further into Him.

    Let God do all the fixing in her and the marriage.  You keep building your testimony consistently and be in His peace.  This shines Christ's light for her, the kids, and the world to see.

  • Tim is right. Don't bee angry. remember anger leads to bitterness. Just like anxiousness, take your anger to him in prayer and he will give you peace.

    Don't worry about your kids, God knows what they need and what your are fearing for them. Just pray for them. and expect good for them from God. Be at peace.

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