Collaborate without boundaries

May 23, 2018

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Spent the evening with my girls yesterday. We played a board game I picked up for them and we had fun. After I took them home I came back to my house and prepared for tonight's Wednesday night Bible study. This lesson had so many things that stood out to me. I was a highlighting fool all evening. Almost everything I read pointed to my wife. This stuff could apply to any marriage in the same shape as mine. These are just thoughts as I move through each day trying to learn more about scripture. Below are some of the things I read:

"When sin is let in as a beggar, it remains in as a tyrant." - My wife let sin creep in. She slowly moved away from God until she got far enough to sever her tie with Him. Now, instead of being able to control sin, it controls her.

"Some regard popularity as evidence of credibility." - This is referring to "popular religion." Religion in which nobody's feelings are hurt. Everyone is doing it so it must be ok. Such as my wife thinking that it is ok to divorce because she "wants" to. It doesn't make it right. A proper Christian cannot do that. No matter how much they may want to, it's not the Christian way.

"Majorities do not change God." - No matter how many people get "no-fault" divorces, it does not and will not change God's stance on marriage. Ever.

"Christianity is not a democracy but a kingdom. Its King alone makes the laws of the kingdom." - His ways have been established in the New Testament. Nothing can change that.

"Wrong is wrong even if nearly everyone does it." - 54% of marriages end in divorce. That doesn't make it right.

"Acting on our own wisdom, our own judgment, rather than obeying God is always foolish." - I found this out the hard way and unless my wife's heart is softened soon, she will also discover this the hard way.

"God is not subject to our culture" - God established marriage. Man is trying to redefine it. Our culture cannot influence God. When culture gets out of hand God destroys it.

"You cannot serve God and yourself" - This is a big one. My wife CANNOT do what she wants to do and still say she serves God. No one can. We must submit to the will of God.

"Jesus said in Matthew 7:13-14, 'Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. These verses surprise many people. They think everyone is on the heavenly road, but that is not the way things really are." - The Bible clearly states that more people will go to hell than to heaven. The road for me (the narrow road) is going to be very hard. I may have to do it without my wife. That's sad but she has heard the same gospel as me. She KNOWS the truth.

"Popular religion gives false hope." - Teaching anything except what is in the Bible is going down the broad road. It's making people think they are saved when in fact they are not.

"By doing one right thing, he believed he could sanctify all the others." - Referring to Micah bringing a Levite priest into his home to make up for worshipping other false gods. This is something my wife thinks is possible. She thinks she can donate to the church and work in the church all while sinning against God concerning her marriage and it will be accepted. One right does not sanctify a wrong. The church cannot allow someone to participate in church ministries while they are living in sin.

"Popular religion is not willing to deal with controversy or conflict." - Many people who I have spoken to recently tell me that God wouldn't want someone staying in a marriage for various reasons, such as falling out of love or in extreme cases, abuse. They want to please themselves instead of God thereby sort of inventing a new religion- where everyone is happy. It just doesn't work like that. Abuse is terrible but it is not an excuse to divorce. The Christian is still bound to marriage.

All of these things were from the chapter in the book we are reading that we will be discussing tonight. I'm not angry or upset an I am simply pointing out what I see but I AM concerned about my wife. She refuses to face the truth. I am learning to focus on God and not her but her soul will always be on my mind. It's not so much that she wants to divorce, because biblically we have the right to do that because we are both fornicators, but the lies and deception she has used to get to this point need to be confessed and repented of. Although if we do divorce our only biblical options are to remain single or reconcile. Neither of us have a scriptural right to remarry as long as the other lives.

Now on to three things that upset me yesterday. Things I need to deal with. One, when I went to pick up the girls both of my in-laws were there. There is absolutely no need for them to be there as often as they are. My wife cannot handle the children by herself and relies too heavily on her parents to raise our children. And with them telling the kids things like "The Bible was written two thousand years ago and doesn't apply today" is even more of a reason for me to get them away from that.

Two, Aleigha, who is ten, told me that her mom said if this is over before July then she can probably get me to take her to a WWE event she really wants to attend that is coming near us. I told her ok. But I know that this will not be over by July. There is just too much going on and I know it is just going to be continued. So many people I know have said that this process typically takes about two years and we are only five months in. It's one of these moments that I cannot understand what my wife is thinking when she tells our children everything is going to be ok as soon as she finishes her divorce. She thinks some magical thing will happen and life will go back to being normal. It's distressing to me that she thinks like that. Unless she just goes away I am going to continue to fight for full custody of our children because I 100% believe that they are better off with me. Her decisions in the last two years are just too erratic and non-biblical.

Three, While watching TV, Allison, who is five, said something to me like "If you and mom were still married..." I stopped her and told her that her mom and I ARE still married and in God's eyes we will always be married and there is nothing anyone on earth can do about that. I told her when you get married God expects you to stay with that person forever. I said that In front of Aleigha and Becca. If it ends up in court I don't know what else to say. The truth is the truth. Should I listen to man? Or should I listen to God?

  • Eddie, this is a book God is using to grow you in your walk with God. That goes for the LD and the Bible first applied to your own life and walked. The other people's stories will be played out between them and God. Don't dwell on their faults and sin, leave that to God, just pray for them and for the wisdom to apply it to your own life.  

  • Good point Josh. I do spend a lot of time concerned about the sin of others. Too much in fact. Didn't realize that but I bet 90% of my journal is pointing out the sins of others. Wow, another major thing to change.

  • Shift your focus from the negative and onto all things positive. We cannot save our spouse, they have to want to be save as well as Christ has to draw them. Pray honestly and fervently for her that God gives her a new heart. As I've said before, it's not her, it's the spirits working in her. You have to grab ahold of the fact that this is a spiritual battle for not only the marriage but your family. We wrestle not against flesh and blood but........... From this day forward do not point out her flaws, begin to speak life. Speak the word, claim victory. We are  spiritually victorious already, just waiting on the natural manifestation. Speak life.

    Ezekiel 36:26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

  • The same thought came to my mind, you are looking to much at your wife when you read or study.  But you are doing so much better than I in that you have such a vivid desire for your wife to get to heaven.  That's terrific.  It's our job to help our spouse get to heaven, but when they reject help, not much can be done other than prayer for them and building testimony.

  • You are right, society and some churches are watering down the truth.  Leading people away.  Evil wants this to happen.

    I think you did well in explaining marriage in front of your daughters.  If she finds out, it is okay.  It adds conviction.  And opens the door more fully for Christ to work because you didn't say it in hopes of it being a teaching moment for your wife, in that you were trying to fix her by what you had to say.

  • "her soul will always be on my mind".  Like you, my DH's soul will always be on my mind.  It is extremely sad for me to think that Christ could return at any moment, and my DH's eternal home in heaven is not secure.  It is devastating to think about.  I don't mean to sound judgemental, it's just how I feel.  All we can do is pray and continue to be obedient, shining Christ's light and love.

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