Collaborate without boundaries

May 22, 2018

  • Comments 3

New outlook.

I must force myself to have a new outlook. I have to stop dwelling on this situation that I have no control over. As much as I try to put God first I still have my wife as an idol above Him. My every thought revolves around her. I love her (I am very angry at her and sometimes I feel like I hate her) but she can not be placed above God. On Sunday mornings in church we are studying Philippians using a book written by a local author about "joy." Paul, somehow, found joy in everything even though he was imprisoned and chained to a guard much of the time. He counted it a blessing to be in that situation in order to spread the gospel where it would otherwise be hard to. This "joy" needs to be my new outlook. It's there. I just need to embrace it.

It often feels like I am alone and no one cares but every now and then I get a sign that I am headed in the right direction. I get input from random people sometimes that see my testimony. Especially from those in my church who consistently ask me how things are going. They see me putting on a good show but they don't see the pain inside. I tell them that I am functioning but that's the best I can do. NO, IT'S NOT! I can choose joy. I don't have to harbor pain. There is plenty to be joyful about.

I know God is with me but I have that human need for earthly companionship. I remember what the disciples said to Jesus after He answered the Pharisees question about divorce. Because of how strict God is on marriage the disciples suggested it is better not to marry. Jesus agreed but said all cannot accept this, but for those who can, they should. Paul confirmed this in Corinthians. It's hard, but I need to accept this. I need to accept it because for years idolized my wife above God and now it's time to set it right.

I also know that God didn't do this to me but my lack of faith and obedience did. As much as I hate to admit it, my faith isn't anywhere near the size of a mustard seed.

I finished my study on Genesis, which took about six weeks. I learned so much. It was the first of 45 sections in my online studies. I have now started on Exodus and this time I am going to plan to finisher sooner.


  • Thanks Eddie, you hit me with something I am struggling with. I to have put to much emphasis on my relationship with MH. I tend to lean on the hope instead of turning it all into hope in my salvation and the grace of God. this is the purpose of our trial, to push us deeper into the arms of Christ.

  • I know. I fully admit that I put way too much time and energy into thinking about my wife. Not only is it psychologically unhealthy, it is not scriptural. God MUST be first. As I work on improving my faith to somewhere close to the size of a mustard seed I bet I will see amazing results. It's just a matter of letting God have full control. I know- much easier said than done.

  • We are flesh and it's tough not to dwell on our spouse. But when we use prayer and His word to bring us back to Him we get back on track and can experience His joy.

    It's so easy for me to say.  Not so easy for me to always do.

    So often I can be like the pharasees and say what to do but not do it.  

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