Collaborate without boundaries

May 14, 2018

  • Comments 5

The weekend was rough.

Friday night I texted my sister and toId her I don't think I can do this much more. I'm just too weak. She called me crying and I thought something was wrong with the but she said she was thinking about me. She told me she cares deeply about me and wouldn't know what to do if I were gone and assured me that my family feels the same. My wife may never realize what she has done to me. How much power she has. My sister got me through the night after a two hour talk.

Then I had a breakdown Saturday night. I told Jessica, my oldest foster daughter, that I have been saving my medication so I can take it all at once and end everything. She immediately texted Caleb and Becca who both became upset. Caleb messaged Kyle who then called me. So Kyle, my brother-in-law, used his psychology degree to help me through the evening. He has a fierce amount of faith in God but he told me that my wife is not my wife anymore. She has a mental problem and I need to distance myself from her for my own safety. I see that he is right but its so hard to just give up on my wife. I know I need to quit and give it all to God but watching it all is so painful. Kyle said right now I am playing HER game and as long as I am in the game she has control. He said I need to end the game and that will end her control. D is not the end. Its a temporary solution. An unnecessary temporary solution, but the only one SHE can deal with. I apologized to Caleb and Becca for having a weak moment and getting them involved.

Then Sunday someone on Facebook texts me about my motorcycle that I listed for sale on there last year. I forgot it was listed. I told him he would have to contact my wife about it because I am not in a position to deal with it. So he did and she told him we are getting a d and so now he knows my business. Then she started texting me. I couldn't respond because my attorney told me "under no circumstances communicate with her." I should have just told the guy it wasn't for sale but my wife has put me in such a terrible financial spot I need the motorcycle sold to pay off loans she has stuck me with.

Then, Sunday evening, my wife drops Becca off at the house. I didn't even know she was with her mother. Becca walks in the door and says "Look dad, mom bought me a Firestick. Caleb was standing there and said "Mom told me a couple days ago she was going to buy you one too dad." So the confusion just continues. I have no idea why she would want to buy me a Firestick. I don't want one. This is why I need to get as far away from her as possible and just pray that one day she accepts God into her heart and lets Him take over. I just don't have the mental capacity to deal with these mind games. I don't know who in the world would.

I neglected my Bible most of the weekend. I didn't read near as much as I normally do. That may have contributed to what happened. I need to schedule time on Saturday to make sure I keep up on my studies.

  • Eddie, I know how you feel. Ending it like that hurts so many more people than you think it does, and frankly it is a copout, I think you need to do some more soul searching and ask God if there is anything you are holding onto. It is not your wife. God gave you a love for your wife, which is not wrong, keep loving her, keep your distance, but don't give in to those feelings. God wants to see you restored to Him first and foremost, restoration with your wife may be a side benefit. Have you looked up The Life that Wins yet? That book helped me to understand where I stand in relation to God and my sin.

    In this life you will have trials but take heart I (Jesus) have overcome the world. Eddie that means EVERYTHING.

  • Jesus is with you, and goes in front of you, fighting your battles and winning the wars.  you do not see your enemies fall, but God has a count of all the fallen in your path.  Take heart that God is declaring a victory for you.

    End things Eddie, and you will never see the joy He is creating for you in a victory.  It's worth it to stand.

    You are weak.  So am I.  And that is great.  Because if we were strong. We would do wrong.  And not rely on God.  Our wives are the strong ones.  But, that is there downfall, there strength.  

  • Eddie, your taking a good and turning into a negative.  Rejoice in Christ that she's bought you something else!  It's the only way she knows how to show kindness is by spending money on people.  Take this as a win and let God know you appreciate Him getting her to a place that she's showing you kindness.

  • In this trial so many of us want to draw a line in the sand, and make an ultimatum to our spouse. but we don't because that is taking control from God. and this that is wrong.  But, God is using your circumstance of not being able to communicate with her to your advantage.  and it's kind of like the sand was drawn in the sand anyway.   And now she knows the ball is in her court and she has to do some work to get things to normal.  And now maybe, just maybe, she's considering it.

  • right now, maybe it's best to be so still in God that you live as single but chaste from other women, knowing your married but God is the only one responsible and that can change her.  Let her go completely to God and feel the freedom that comes with that.

    get in His peace so deep nothing shakes it.  And call your brother in law any time those thoughts from evil pop up.  

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